Empty nest grandparents

I am in a similar situation op. I've looked after my little Grandson once a week since he was 9 months old. Long days too from 6.30am until 6pm. He's 3 and a half now and starts preschool in September (mornings only at the moment). We have such a close bond and I shall miss our days dreadfully. I know he will too. We've learnt things together over the years; me how to be a Grandma and him a Grandson. It's been exhausting at times but an experience I wouldn't have missed for a moment.

I will still get to collect him from pre-school and look after him in the holidays and also now have his newborn baby brother waiting in the wings for his day here when DD's maternity leave it over.

My grandchildren are all adults now, - the youngest one is almost 24. And none of them have made me a great grandmother yet! I do miss having children in my life.

Do remember that school is only for approx. 39 weeks in each year. Rest is school holidays. So, you will still be needed for all day care during these. Also, if there is any reason for school to be closed or if child is unwell.
Probably have more actual time child minding than the one day a week in pre-school times.
It is usually sometime in the early teens that you will find that they will not want someone to meet them from school etc. although even then you may be necessary during school holidays.
Of my eight grandchildren, only one lived close enough to me for me to be part of the lives on a regular basis. As her mum (my eldest daughter) was also a single Mum and working hard climbing her own career ladder - I became almost the second parent.
She is well grown up now,, post graduate and working on her own career path and with her partner - living the far side of the country to me. I now see her once or twice a year, but there is a special relationship between us built over those years.
I try not to have a favourite g.child, but think everyone knows she does hold a special place in my heart.

I think our relationship with our grandson is particularly close because his father is in the military and he has already been deployed twice in during his 4 years. We helped the bridge the gap whilst he was away (recently for 8 months). He looks upon my husband as he male role model and they have a very close bond, which is beautiful to see!
I totally understand how a grandparent can feel bereft..it is like a type of grief. Saying goodbye to something you have had so much pleasure from. And yes it is the start of a different path but it's not black and white and it effects everyone in a different way. What I can say I have taken from this conversation is that we must make the most of our grandchildren whilst they are still young and innocent, as when they start school it is truly the start of their independence x

SueDonim

My youngest GC is going to school soon and we too have looked after him for a day a week since he began nursery. I can’t say I feel bereft, I think that’s a term particular to those who have truly lost children/grandchildren.

I am already dealing with recent widowhood, so my world had changed drastically anyway this year. This will simply be a change of routine and something new will take its place.

I can only say how I felt, I understand the meaning of bereft, and that is exctly how I felt.

Enjoy the early yers while you can . I asked my now teenage granchildren why they do noy run full tilt into our house when they visit like they used to . They promised to do it next time to please me .

My two grandsons are also 15 and 13 and are lovely big strapping lads but oh how I miss them when they were little. We had such fun, such heart to hearts on important topics and generally sharing what's going on in their lives. A little hand to hold...
Now, while they visit each week and are polite, I know their minds are on other more exciting things than just Gran. Oh well. At least I still see them.

My two grandsons are now 15 and 13 and I miss dreadfully the times we looked after them when they were younger. They live 70+ miles from us and have busy lives which we understand is natural, but I grieve for the time we were with them.

We do have a family WhatsApp and so I do still feel part of their lives, such as when the eldest was in Sweden recently at a football tournament and he text me to see if I saw the video of his winning goal. I had already watched the video at least 5 times 😉

When my first grandchild started school his parents weren't always able to go to school assemblies and such like, due to being unable to get the time off. So I used to go in their place and I loved it. I really felt a part of his life and xxx years later still do. So don't worry you have built rhe foundations of a loving relationship.

Wait till they reach school leaving age. One DGC is off to University in Scotland , 350 miles from us. The other is at VI Form college, with a social and activity life to rival the Royal family, he is out and away so much. DDiL combines a job with being part of a successful folk group and has gigs every weekend,

Last year we moved to live close to DD and 50 miles and a much more direct journey nearer to son but have ended up seeing them less than ever.

No estrangement, or anything like that, we are in constant contact by phone and online, but getting enough of them together at any one point to make a journey by them to us or us to them possible is very difficult.

Never mind one thing is decided, this Christmas is at our place and they will probably stay a week, unless one has a gig, another a good party...........

You have created a bond for life. We had a similar situation in our family and my child, now 40, still talks fondly of when they were a child at nana's house and what they remember and what they got up to and were allowed to do.

My youngest GC is going to school soon and we too have looked after him for a day a week since he began nursery. I can’t say I feel bereft, I think that’s a term particular to those who have truly lost children/grandchildren.

I am already dealing with recent widowhood, so my world had changed drastically anyway this year. This will simply be a change of routine and something new will take its place.

We did the same, looked after our granddaughter one day a week until she started school. I was bereft when we didn't have her anymore, I was so worried in case she felt that I didn't want her anymore. She starts year 2 in September and our relationship is as strong as ever. We do some, not loads, of school pickups and care during holidays and have family meals a couple of times a month. It works perfectly and it's not exhausting.

He will still love you, always, those first years, so formative.
Keep up with FaceTime and chat...you just never can tell.

These messages have been lovely to read and brought a tear to my eye.
I never realised what a beautiful relationship one could have with grandchildren. Ours have brought us so much pleasure and happiness and we will hold these memories close to our hearts.
Our little ones are 3, 4 and 6. They are still babies so we will be enjoying every minute as long as we can. Our little grandson is only 4 but starts school in September. He seems so young. Thank you for your replies xx

I understand how you feel. I looked after two of my grandchildren for 11 years. Eventually they became old enough to look after themselves and I was redundant.

I was lost for a while as 3 days of my week I was at their home getting them up and ready for school then picking them up later and making their evening meal.

I have a close relationship with both and attended my granddaughter's graduation recently.

This time with your grandson is special. It has moved on to new phase but he is still little and you can have many more years caring for him.

All our GCs live so far away we were never involved in looking after them. Until they were a bit older we only saw them for a week or so at a time or through Zoom sessions. They are grown now but they still remember times they stayed with us and things we did.

I don't think your GCs will lose interest so long as you keep communicating with them. Once they are older they will be able to have the odd sleep over - we used to 'camp' in the back garden in a tent and they loved it. We let Mum and Dad camp with us once and the children had a lot of fun explaining where they were to sleep and what we would have to eat.

In the same situation we carried on with helping on the same day but that help involved picking them up from school and giving them their tea, which was lovely - and then we were back to the original regime in the school holidays, so we still saw lots of them and built on the early relationship we had established.

Yes absolutely and we intend to...I think it just feels like the end of an era. We have two other grandchildren but they live quite a long way from us so although we love them, we don't have the same connection as our little one we have been looking after. I'm trying to be positive but am wondering how long it will be before he's not so interested in us anymore. He has an amazing relationship with his grandad so I'm hoping it will carry on.

It is a dreadful feeling. Are you able to collect him from school one day a week?