MIL will not stop nagging us to babysit!

What does your husband think Succulent? Suggest that he has a word with his mum. It doesn't look from your OP as if either of you have asked her to stop constantly asking when she can baby sit. She can hardly be criticised for stepping on your boundaries, of she doesn't know what those boundaries are.

If you're feeling like you don't want to take your D to her GP's, suggest your husband takes her some of the time without you.

Your MiL is overbearing and whilst I understand how much she wants to be involved, the constant asking must be getting you down.

Why not get your DH to speak quite bluntly, explaining that by constantly going on and on she’s making the whole likelihood of having her DGD to stay is lessening.

She’s your daughter, not hers, and I would never dream of behaving like your MiL.

Magenta8, your MIL sounds awful, your poor husband 😟.

The difference between your MIL and OP's, is that yours didn't want a close relationship with her grandchildren, but OP's does.

The differing replies just go to show how different we see things and how people's opinions can be worlds apart.

I am so grateful that my daughter-in-law needs/wants me in her life 🥰, and I'm sad for those that don't have that in theirs 🙁💐.

I would be very worried about leaving my child with such a needy grandparent. This behaviour is really abnormal. I would have no confidence in what she might do or say to my child in my absence and also doubt her capacity to react wisely in any emergency stuation.

You do not say how old your child is, but are they olde enough to to discuss this with to find out what they would prefer?

In the meanwhile you and your DH need to discuss what freuency of visit you would be happy with and then you and your DH must sit downw ith your MiL and tell her what you (all of you) have decided and tell her that constantly bringing the subject up will not help and will only lead to you all seeing less of her.

Meanwhile try and get her to find something else to interest her and get her to understand that being a grandmother should only be one aspect of her life, not her be all and end all.

You and your husband must act absolutely in tune on this so first make you sure have cleatly agrred a joint way forward.

I think assertive polite statements are needed ..broken record model as in just keep repeating regardless!!

"I am aware you are available thankyou. We will let you know when needed" ..."We will let you kniw when needed"...."We will ..." ..."You have now mentioned this ...times. please stop as it is pointless. We will let you know when needed" ..."I have answered that. Im not repeating myself any more" ..when she says it again just look at her!

Re your daughter "** knows that she can stay with you when we decide is the best time." ...repeat and repeat but also speak to MIL away from your daughter to say "Please do not involve * in planning visits. It is not fair on her or us" ...repeat...repeat. if necessary you have to say "If you keep involving her in this then we will not be able to arrange visits as we will not have her involved in choices that do not match with our choices!"

Your MIL is well out of order! The pressure she is putting on both you and especially your daughter is totally unacceptable, I’m not surprised you feel as you do.

I suggest you initiate a complete break, tell her why and then when you feel ready, and your MIL is ready to respect boundaries, re-start the visits etc very very slowly. If she over-steps again you pull back. It’s the only way I suggest she will learn. Good luck.

TheSunRisesInTheEast

Why does it upset you so much that your MIL wants to spend time with your daughter? You are lucky that she wants a relationship with her, many young couples don't have the luxury of having a night out together or time to themselves to just chill and enjoy one another's company. A grandma/granddaughter relationship is very special, my two granddaughters bring me so much joy. I hope that you can see this from your MIL's and daughter's point of view and let them have time together occasionally, it benefits everyone in the long run.

I was lucky in that my MIL did not want a close relationship with my DCs. Although they did stay with her couple of times, one at a time, when they were little.

They came back to me having slept in the clothes I sent them in, unwashed, teeth not cleaned, hair unbrushed and having been smacked several times for not saying pardon or sitting still.

According to MIL they were the most bad mannered, naughtiest brats in creation. She said this in front of them adding that it was no surprise to her considering what an awful rude mother they had.

IT is clear you want mil out of the way. Just tell her straight you don't want her to mention having her granddaughter. Best to put her out of her misery she obviously feels very side lined and insecure. Perhaps your husband, her son will visit mil with her grandchild you don't have to. My granddaughter was kept from me, when she left Uni she came back to me which is my greatest joy as I love her with all my heart, almost every night I cried for her and missed her childhood with her thinking I didn't care.

She obviously has low emotional intelligence and perhaps you could just spell it out to her as you have done here (eg “when I am nagged like this I feel threatened”, “we are a busy family and need our downtime together”, etc.). She really shouldn’t be demanding in front of your daughter and you can very firmly ask her to not do that as it is unfair and confusing. Rinse & repeat until she gets the message. At the same time it is worth thinking how you could arrange more times for them to be together.

Offering once or twice would suffice but the constant nagging would get on my nerves too OP. Also, cajoling a five year old isn’t acceptable……..I am a grandparent and would never conduct myself in the same way as Succullents MIL.

Be firm OP, tell MIL at the start of a visit to wind in the requests to babysit, that you and DH will ask when the need arises and make sure that DH backs you up on this - she’s HIS mother after all.

And BlueBelle, what’s wrong with asking for help on GN? Personally, I think she’s asking the best audience.

Just different expectations.... my GDs sleep over every week .....we have no dramas

I think you re on the wrong site ask on mumsnet ?

I also do want them to have time together occasionally. The problem is there seems to be some sort of entitlement here and it seems like the more my MIL is involved the worse the nagging/ entitlement gets.

I guess I feel so nagged it makes me feel irritated and threatened and makes me want to retreat. It also doesn’t seem like very emotionally healthy behavior which makes me protective of my daughter. Especially when she does the loud “ask your MOMMY when you can come stay with grandma” five times right in front of me to my poor five year old daughter putting her in the middle. It seems so pushy and manipulative that it etches at me.

Why does it upset you so much that your MIL wants to spend time with your daughter? You are lucky that she wants a relationship with her, many young couples don't have the luxury of having a night out together or time to themselves to just chill and enjoy one another's company. A grandma/granddaughter relationship is very special, my two granddaughters bring me so much joy. I hope that you can see this from your MIL's and daughter's point of view and let them have time together occasionally, it benefits everyone in the long run.

Snap at her. That sorry of behaviour would drive me mad. She needs telling that at the moment there's no sleepovers on the horizon and please stop asking