Grandchildren very badly behaved

Tell your daughter. If she doesn’t like it then stop looking after them. You have enough on your plate. X

Thank you everybody for your kind words
I know I should be doing what you say and I hope I will have the courage to do it but my relationship with my daughter isn’t great , we are not close , she doesn’t have any compassion for my situation and basically , I am scared that she will dislike me even more and/or cut me off from the children

say no to your daughter ,you are being taken for granted. you need to be taking it easier at your age, especially as your OH is in a nursing home and you're on your own with them.
maybe it wouldn't be as hard on you if the GC were well behaved, but they're not...take care of yourself ,,

Myself and all my own kids take a, my house, my rules approach to each other.
Works for us all.

I wouldnt look after the gc in your situation.
[Especially with your DH in a care home].
Unless things greatly changed.

" defiant" sounds particularly wearing. Myabe try to be clear in your own mind what is acceptable , what you can ignore and what is crossing a line.

What is the attitude of other family members in this dilemma?

Three young children on your own as you age, is a lot, especially if their behaviour is wanting. You have enough going on with your dh in a care home, and a lively dog.
Nip this in, decide what you can do and stick to it,
We are not responsible for childcare of our children’s children, the parents are .
Your day sounded like really hard work. Decide what you are comfortable with and stick to it.
If you start off low you can always increase if you wish. If you start out doing too much it’s harder to reduce.
Have a good rest tomorrow.

You really are absolutely justified in saying you can't have all three at the same time. Your DD is confident enough to refuse any criticism of her kids. Likewise you can be equally honest. It works both ways! Please do advocate for yourself...you're not just a pretty face!
I feel for you....sounds like you have had a rotten day ...take care xx

The 6 and 5 year are at school so should know better the 2 year old is still a toddler.
I am 68 and have young grandchildren and I find them a handful even when they are behaving well.
You need to tell your daughter that all three of them is just too much for you now, and try to cut back on the amount of child care you do. If your daughter doesn’t discipline her children that is her choice but you don’t want to have to deal with the consequences of this, which is your choice.
All the best c

Don't do it.
Don't be a martyr.
Life is too short.

Just say no to your daughter, if she needs your help that much, after an initial huff she may be more open to doing something about their behaviour with your input.

...luck

Oh dear. It seems to me you're just doing too much. Maybe tell your DD that you love them to bits but cannot carry on with this level of child care of three very lively children. See if she will agree to as reduced workload for you. Best of luch xx