Childless step-granny

Does your husband see them at all?
Can you chat to him about it?
Maybe ask them over for an early dinner or lunch or maybe invite them out to somewhere jolly for brunch one day?
Somewhere with play equipment maybe?

I haven't any real advice just didn't want to walk on by.
💐

Instead of asking to babysit ask if you can take them somewhere or invite them for tea or for the day at your house.

I do feel for you as I'm in the same situation. I've been Grandma to four step-grandchildren since they were born (ages range from 18 to 14) and initially Mr. G and I were very involved with babysitting and then looking after them when they came home from school. Now 2 live more than 70 miles away and the other 2, just 18 miles away, we only see when we're invited - generally no more than 4 times a year.

"Other Granny" has been a problem in both families and one of them did say to me what has been said to you; "It's not as if you're their real grandma". The other is a very demanding, influential person (who I actually get on with) and she is absolutely obsessed with 18-year-old grandson, whilst 16-year-old granddaughter is fixated on dead grandmother she never knew!

My DH doesn't hear from his son or daughter unless he phones them and it's usually a rushed conversation because they are "so busy". We haven't seen one family since January 2023, and although we spent Easter Sunday with the others, we haven't heard from them since. It's painful for him although I have now trained myself not to think about it too much. It hurts me to see my lovely husband so ignored by his family. We have tried inviting them to brunch, to lunch, to dinner, but if they do come there is little socialising in that they talk to each other and not us, usually about people we don't know.

So sorry, this has now been all about me and not about how horrible it is for you, Layney. (Coincidentally once a nickname of mine ....). Just be assured that others feel your pain.

PM me if you think it would help.

gulligranny

I do feel for you as I'm in the same situation. I've been Grandma to four step-grandchildren since they were born (ages range from 18 to 14) and initially Mr. G and I were very involved with babysitting and then looking after them when they came home from school. Now 2 live more than 70 miles away and the other 2, just 18 miles away, we only see when we're invited - generally no more than 4 times a year.

"Other Granny" has been a problem in both families and one of them did say to me what has been said to you; "It's not as if you're their real grandma". The other is a very demanding, influential person (who I actually get on with) and she is absolutely obsessed with 18-year-old grandson, whilst 16-year-old granddaughter is fixated on dead grandmother she never knew!

My DH doesn't hear from his son or daughter unless he phones them and it's usually a rushed conversation because they are "so busy". We haven't seen one family since January 2023, and although we spent Easter Sunday with the others, we haven't heard from them since. It's painful for him although I have now trained myself not to think about it too much. It hurts me to see my lovely husband so ignored by his family. We have tried inviting them to brunch, to lunch, to dinner, but if they do come there is little socialising in that they talk to each other and not us, usually about people we don't know.

So sorry, this has now been all about me and not about how horrible it is for you, Layney. (Coincidentally once a nickname of mine ....). Just be assured that others feel your pain.

PM me if you think it would help.

They are at an age that they just like friends, money and doing their own thing. I am sure that it is hard for the parents to reel them all in for a family visit. I can also imagine that the parents are feeling a bit of freedom since the kids can manage self-care. I think you may just be caught in that spot where everything changes all at once and we aren't really ready for it. I can imagine that you feel a bit taken advantage of, but just know that the grands know how much you love them. Next time you see them share some photos with them of your times together. Make copies and give some to them. I am sure they learned many wonderful gifts from you and your husband that you will see in payback one day.
I can remember that my mother was so devastated when my oldest daughter went off to college that she bought a lake house 10 miles from the college just to get more facetime with her. It worked and delayed the process for 4 years, but it still happened.

NotSpaghetti

Does your husband see them at all?
Can you chat to him about it?
Maybe ask them over for an early dinner or lunch or maybe invite them out to somewhere jolly for brunch one day?
Somewhere with play equipment maybe?

I haven't any real advice just didn't want to walk on by.
💐

Wow! What a hateful comment by the other grandparent. There was no need for that clarification. I am sorry, but what is proper supposed to mean. DNA? oh cremini!

I was grown when my mother married my Stepfather who was the most wonderful grandparent my children could ever ask for. He adored my children. They were the kids he never had. They both asked him so walk them down the aisle when they married along with my husband, their stepfather.

Step-parents are wonderful! When I became a stepmom by stepdad told me, "Just be yourself, don't try too hard because you can't keep it up, and give them some cash each time they leave" LOL

Keep your head up and tell the kids your own narrative, do not let other's control your history with the children.

It never ceases to amaze me how cruel people can be. You maybe a step GM but that doesn't make you any less important than a biological GP Layney .

It breaks your heart to see someone you love being hurt gulligranny. How things have changed. I look back to when my mum and parents in law were alive, to the amount of time they spent with our boys and how we ensured they still got to spend time with them (not as often) when they became teenagers.

I wonder how these AC will feel when it's their turn .

Thank you for your replies. It feels disloyal to talk about the family but it’s also quite a difficult time. I’m picking my grandson (8) tomorrow and he’s staying for two nights. He’s so excited, so am I. I have to be more proactive in setting things up, not waiting to be asked. So that’s my new tack based on what I’ve heard back from everyone here. As for the ‘I’m not a proper granny’ I’ve just tried to swallow it. I miss talking to my mum about these things as she passed away 5 years ago. She was a wise owl and do
I try to think what she would say? Thank you again.

Wow, thank you for your thoughtful reply. I posted a message above and I thought I’d sent it to you but I think I posted it publicly 🤣🤣🤣 haven’t quite got the hang of this yet!!!!!