Competitive other grandma

I've found that kids make their own minds up. Believevme I've been driven bonkers with this game, even to one child saying it was a competition.
I answered that one straight off.
Activities, quality time, peace, fun ~ be yourself and make memories ~ you have a lifetime x

As others have said “don’t try and compete”. We have six children and they have other grandparents, three of them have different grandparents to their sibling. We all have a great but different relationship with the grandchildren and we know they love us and enjoy spending time with us. Just enjoy as much time as you can with them.

I have had this with my DIL Mother. I was treated like a piece of S¥!t at their wedding. I don't see my Gch often as live far away. Anyway.....
I've come to realise she has very low self esteem, is boring & has no hobbies or personality & can only do domestic stuff. She's a very cold resting Bt€$ face. She has nothing else to offer. Maybe similar

Igonore her. My grandson's other granny was extremely wealthy, gave them lots of money. I had them here for meal, took them to the theatre and days out on a modest pension and gave them lots of love. Guess who they visit frequently, they are fine young men now?

How many one year olds know the price of anything?

@Briget

I have learned that children/grandchildren love having your time and attention - both of which are free.

This is some of the wisest advice I’ve ever read on Gransnet. Some of your posts brought tears to my eyes as I visualized the lovely closeness you all describe to our beloved grandchildren, and importance of time spent, and always remembered, with them. It is so true that gifts and money are not so important. Both my adult children’s’ grannys were so different to each other, but remembered by them equally fondly. Great advice on a very frequent worry, well done Gransnetters 👏

𝐀𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐞 𝟏𝟎𝟎% 𝐛𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐱

I think the other grandma is being judged harshly.
We definitely spend more on all of our grandchildren than their other grandparents, we help out with paying for activities and holidays. I take them on clothes shopping trips, but I also spend more time with them.
It’s not a competition, two sets of grandparents are almost certainly better off than us, but are quite careful with their spending, one grandma is on a very tight budget, and does what she can afford.
I am not overbearing, and I see no earthly reason why I shouldn’t spoil my grandchildren just because others won’t/cant.
Just to add, I never do anything without running it past my daughter and son in law.

When my GD was born the other grandma said "she's your first but she's my eighth don't worry I won't compete" - lovely thing to say which settled my mind. I get the majority of the baby-sitting and holidays so I know that I am very fortunate.

My grown up children remember my mum for the poems she taught them, the stories, the shortbread fingers she would make, taking them to watch the soldiers at Windsor castle….they are adults now but those are the things that stayed with them.

I would never go away with the other grandparents. My grandchildren spend more time with The Others because they live nearer, but I cherish any time we have together and try not to be jealous, though sometimes it’s hard when I see the photos!

All GC love being bought presents but what they will remember will be the time spent with them, time playing horses on the floor with them in your back, time reading a story before bed the kisses blown and caught as they drop off to sleep, priceless.

Can you talk with her? Tell her how you feel? My grandson's other grandparents and we ourselves have a good relationship. We are better off than them, and yes pay for days away together. But they have their own ways with our grandson and he loves them very much too. When my DIL finally got pregnant (after 4 very intensive rounds of in vitro) we had a good talk and decided never to become competitors. We don't meet often but we ask about each-other, send each-other pictures on Whatts App etc. Our grandson feels loved by both of us and knows we are "friends". The whole family benefits of this ❣️

Some good advice on here Briget.
My MIL was exactly the same. Bragging about what they had etc. Buying the best of everything and trying to make my lovely mum feel inadequate as a Gran. For all the expensive gifts and clothes MIL showered on my children, they adored my mum who had nothing much to give except her time and love. That’s all they need really. Sit back and let her carry on.

My favourite Nana was the poor one. She knitted me unique toys, made me feel safe and was warmly loving.
It always upsets me that my co-grandmother feels that my wealth makes her feel the lesser grandparent but she came into the relationship with that attitude so no amount of reassurance about how her grandchild would love her made a difference. It was such a shame.

I'm my DGS's midfield when he plays football. He told me he liked me being his midfield because I always pass the ball to him to shoot. Apparently everyone else takes turns at shooting with him. 😁

Both sets of my grandparents came from different backgrounds.
My Dad's side very comfortable. Mum's side not so, I remembered my mum's parents as loving, people I was heartbroken when they died, but until now, on thinking I don't ever remember them buying me gifts I'm sure they did but it doesn't register, just them being adorable.
My Dad parents on the other hand always gave us Premium bonds as our gifts. My Dad's mum was a cold fish, not very loving. Perhaps it was as I was grandchild number 13.. she also perferd the boys, not her femail grandchildren, strange woman, I'm please to say my Dad's dad was fantastic, adored him too.

My DGC other GP used to take them to a holiday park every year from the age of 6-12 years plus other treats . We saw them 2-3 times a week never spent a lot of money on treats . Grown up now, we know all the secrets and gossip, presents for mum and dad delivered to us . So my conclusion is that's how safe they they feel

I loved my Grannybecause of the time and attention she gave me. One of my earliest memories is of playing in her kitchen sink with soap suds. No worries about making a mess. I’ve tried to be the same with my five grandchildren. Time is the most precious thing you can give them.

Grandmabatty

Ignore it. Don't compete or try to. Build your own relationship with your grandchild. It's not worth the hassle, honestly

This. My DD (in her 40s) still talks with great happiness about going to a cafe called 'The Little Nibble' for cheese on toast when she visited my Mum... Tiny treats repeated every time you're together will make memories that last a lifetime ❤️

Lots of sage advice here Briget, all of which I endorse. A dear, wise, friend was a grandmother before I was and offered a lot of helpful advice. One related to SeaWoozle's post. She said- don't buy things every time you see them or they will greet you with " What have you brought us?", and you will be dismayed and -it will be a situation you have created!

This is common when it’s your son is the babies dad as the mum will always turn to her mother first and want to spend more time with her.
But it’s not the money or the presents that build the special memories, it’s the things you do with them when they are with you, they soon get bored of specific toys etc but time and love make memories simple things like making dens and getting on the floor to play, having adventures and making things like pancakes etc.
Obviously she is to young yet for all of this but offers of babysitting is always welcome

Ignore what other Nan does, be you. Children need you to care that’s it!

It’s not a case of one thing or the other. The grandparents who pay for the school trip are more than capable of playing with soap suds, the grandparents who go toy shopping for Barbies are quite happy to sit on the floor all day playing Barbie and Ken
It’s seems to me that some of you are a bit smug, you seem to think that you can only be the loved and cherished granny if you don’t spoil them a bit sometimes