help with bonding with grandchild

All of my grandchildren have preferred my partner to me even though I’m the one that loves them so much. He just seemed to have the knack of speaking to little children. However, now they’re getting older they seem to like ( I think) chatting to me. I’m not very tactile and have never hugged my grandchildren, perhaps scared of rejection if I did? Maybe small children are like cats and home in on the person in the room that’s ignoring them! I seem to be getting on better with my youngest grandchildren now that I look after them on my own sometimes. I’ve noticed that they seem to undergo a character change when their parents are with us; it’s much better when I’m on my own it’s them.

Our gs refused to kiss me for 3years, don’t know why. He would kiss everyone else but not me. I just ignored it and he changed. I felt the more it became an issue the worse it would make the situation.

I still remember the relatives who wore perfume or face powder, or kissed me with smelly lipstick - I avoided them when I was little. So I don't wear any when 18 month granddaughter is with me. I got the hugest cuddle from her and my son remarked: 'Oh you're lucky - she doesn't give them to just anybody.' I think it helped wearing a cuddly jumper and being down at her level on the floor.
Just think how magical it will be when it happens!

I have 6 grandchildren, my youngest grandson, is a 'man' person, he will walk past me to get to grandad, or another male family member, the others are more me than hubby, but I get to spend more time with them, the youngest grandson will only come up to me when he needs 'Dr nana' to mend (sew) his beloved dinosaur. I wouldn't worry she's still very young, she will prob be all over you in another year or so

Life has taught me to be patient with young children in my orbit, as my tendency is to rush in and hug them. Now I have started to carry intriguing things in my bag, such as nesting dolls (owls, penguins, pets) a mini kaleidoscope, even paper fans, things they may not have seen before. Playing within eyesight, but not demanding their attention, often seems to draw them in!

Don't worry about it. We've had this with a couple of our grandchildren so we carried on interacting with their siblings and after a while they decided they wanted to be included and we now have a great relationship with them all.

As adults we don't warm to everyone in the same way so why should children be any different ?

Our grandchildren would never give my hubby a hug. He was always asking for a hug and they refused but would hug me. I think it was because he kept asking and it gave them a bit of power. I never asked! Now at eleven and six they are sometimes affectionate and sometimes not!

Lots of good advice on here. Don't worry about 'bonding', she is only a baby. I know it's hurtful, I can remember crouching down with my arms out to one of my grandsons (age about 18 months) and he ran straight past me and hurled himself at DH! I found sitting and playing with something that he liked, helped a lot at that stage, he would come over to join me and now he's 4 everything is fine. Try not to take it to heart.

My GS is almost 4 but until he was 3-3 and a half...he wanted little to do with me and adored my husband (animals do too). He would play with me but not touch etc...and as he was non verbal never talked to me but had a strange language for G'Dad.

3.5 All change - he hugs me, and Grandad and tells us both he loves us. He will saddle up and slip his arm around me (as far as itwill go) and say hugs please Grandma. He also proffers his forehead saying kisses please! He doesn't mean one or two either, he loves 20-30 kisses. I used to be so hurt, but now we have a wonderful relationship...it will be wonderful when it happens. Perhaps when someone says 'give Grandma...' you could try, no thank-you, maybe another time? She might twig it is totally her choice? It will come, and be wonderful xx

Little ones seem to go through these phases, especially if you don’t see them every day. My strategy has always been to take no notice of the shyness or rejection behave normally then sit somewhere not too close to them and do something they might be interested in eg looking at a picture book or colouring materials. In my experience they are usually interested in what you are doing, start a conversation with them and be relaxed, this usually seems to work and they are soon chatting away and making friends. I think that it is just part of them learning to make sense of the world, try not to take it personally

with all my grandkids I’ve never gone to them I let them come to me on their terms when they feel ready. The only way they will come to you is with sweets or playing with them. I get on the floor and play with them or I’d read a book. I’ve a granddaughter a little older she is 2 I see her every few months. We have video calls every week but play with her toys she will soon get noisy and come over. I’m always playing playdoh or cooking etc with them but kids like to join in or help you. Mine are from 2-12 ages I’ve got 4 of them I used to be a child minder too

One of my sons wouldn’t go to my mother. It turned out he didn’t like her heavy perfume!
When we realised the problem she said she deliberately put more on so he would know it was her!
Could it be something along those lines?
She’ll grow out of it.

DGD1 would get out of the car and trot up the drive saying “where are my things?” never mind about her GPs! As everyone else has said, don’t swoop but have something that will interest her to talk about. She will soon be asking where her things are.

My word don't they learn quickly on how to wind us up. Sounds cruel but on first contact if you are visiting or she is visiting you, ignore her, let her go to your husband for cuddles. Look at your phone or read a paper, don't indulge her.

You are blaming a 18 month old on winding an adult up?

Some people need to reeducate themselves as being grandparents is not a natural skill

Sounds harsh but I would ignore her then go and do really interesting, fun things such as baking biscuits, painting or making crafts. She will doubtless be drawn to the activity. Never ask children questions, much better to let them come to you and tell you things. My mum was a reception teacher for years and she taught me this.

Watching a young child watching a taciturn fisherman this morning, I noticed the child was engrossed, fascinated, edging closer and closer, while the fisherman never once acknowledged the child’s presence. Some children prefer no input from adults, and will gravitate to someone who appears to ignore them.

You and your daughter are trying too hard and she’s feeling the pressure
Just relax and she’ll come to you
Also young children usually have a lot of women around them- this is why, sometimes when the odd man appears on the scene they will gravitate towards them - it’s a novelty!

Dear lady, you are making a mountain out of a molehill and distressing yourself for no good reason.

A child of eighteen months is just starting to make the discovery that she can express her feelings and that she can choose who she wants to cuddle, kiss and so on.

By Christmas she may well be all over you and ignoring her Granddad.

If not, remember that children are like cats: smile and speak kindly to them, but keep your distance. This makes them interested and want to come nearer to you.

Don't interact with her but instead sit quietly eating chocolate.
She'll soon be your best friend!

I’d just leave her be. Hard , I know. My granddaughter was a bit like that but always tells me now how much she loves me and admires me. Her other Nana works a lot harder at it than I do but my granddaughter doesn’t appreciate the attention. She’ll come round when she’s older, I’m sure.

One grandson would only shake hands when he was little but is happy to hug now . His son is happy to hug.

I remember this with my 2nd gs he wouldn't give hugs didn't want to sit next to me I did blame covid restrictions a little at time however he's 5 now and although I wouldn't say we are best buddies things have improved just be patient

Children are their own people and all very different. I have three grandsons who love a cuddle, one who just likes his own space, one who enjoys a quick hug but definitely no kisses, thank you. And a couple of them have gone through granddad adoration phases - it’s very common and our littlest shows no sign of coming out of it any time soon. Don’t worry about it, sharke, just take your cue from your granddaughter, let her have her space but be there when she needs you, and I’m sure she’ll come round eventually.