Tips for a new grandparent

Your approach sounds sensible to me.

In the long run, I have found it wise only to offered advice when asked for it, so I start out by telling new parents, that I shall be very willing to hear their concerns, but will only give advice if I am asked for it.

Just play it by ear, the birth may be difficult or she may sail through it, both can influence her feelings and how she deals with and feels about the baby. It's important to just go with what she and the father wants.

I echo other people’s comments, especially the one saying that things are done differently these days so go along with what your daughter has learnt at her classes even if you don’t personally agree. My daughter really didn’t want my help as she and her DH wanted to spend precious time with their baby. So we just visited regularly and took gifts. My help was more appreciated when she went back to work and it still is five years later.

You sound as if you have thought this threw already
Just tread carefully with love and all will fall into place

My own dil’s didn’t want any help, both their husbands had two week paternity leave anyway, and they seemed to want only them, so we left them to it.
I think it’s best to ask, in any case and only do what’s requested. Thinking back. My husband didn’t have any time off, and my mum left me to it !

My daughter was very fussy when she had her first child, pureeing organic veg etc.
The first time she left the baby overnight, we had two foolscap pages of instructions. I have a photo of me with the baby on my knee and I was explaining to her that she was not obeying mummy's instructions!
A couple of years later there were two babies and they were dropped off with no instructions and the parents scarpered!

Congratulations when baby arrives. I would say make them some meals so it’s easier for them to warm up when ready and remember you are not the only grandparent you son inlaw also has a mum and it’s her grandchild too maybe ask her if she wants to route daily with you so you both can help the new parents. I couldn’t help with my last grandchild as we were in lockdown and I didn’t get to meet her until she was 5 months old and my son and daughter inlaw said in away it helped them bond on their own but they also missed out on us grandparents being able to help. Also what you did when you had a baby as also change quite a lot since then. No one knows what someone wants or needs until the time arrives. It’s natural to be excited and overshop we all do it lol just play it by ear and enjoy your time with your grandchild

Keep low profile and respond when asked. Just get on with doing any washing etc if needed. Remember the parents are in charge, not you!
Enjoy the role, lots of pluses🤗

Plenty of good advice here! I just wanted to say congratulations and that you have years of fun ahead! Enjoy!

As a 1st time grandma of 4 weeks I read this thread with interest. I too had similar concerns and was keen not to interfere but also keen to provide support if needed. My daughter had a traumatic birth and welcomed practical and emotional support when she returned home. I emphasised we would only visit when invited. We gave them space whilst SIL was on paternity leave and I booked 1 week of annual leave to be available to support if needed when he returned to work. Since lockdown both daughter snd SIL work from home and I anticipate this may be an issue for SIL when the inevitable tough baby days occur. One thing that has surprised me is how much things have changed since my daughter was born 28 years ago. I feel as though any advice I may have given is now out of date. Enjoy this special time and I’m sure your daughter will find lots of comfort from you being there to support her in this new and exciting chapter.

Never criticise what they do, things have changed a lot since our day.....And mainly enjoy 👶

You sound very practical,lots of good suggestions above also spoil her a bit take a few things just for her & tell her what a great Mum she will be,that should help her emotionally.You have the greatest joy ahead of you,have fun.

I let my DD decide what she wanted me to do!

Aw how lovely. Your job should be primarily to encourage and instill confidence in both the new parents. Do a few chores, cook a couple of meals at home, perhaps freeze some so that when you're not there, she always has something easy for a meal. Take the washing and ironing home with you. Please don't forget to include dad and the other grandparents. Be guided by your daughter. The most important thing you can do is to keep telling her that she's doing a fantastic job.

It’s always a difficult time as obviously you don’t want to take over. My daughter-in-law has mental health issues and my son is not well.
Last Christmas I went abroad and as my son was unwell they weren’t happy about me leaving them to fend for themselves.
I was torn as to what to do.
I was made to feel guilty going on holiday. When I returned I basically got a ‘dressing down’ which really upset me!
Was I wrong to go. I love my Granddaughter and love to soend timewith her but I do have a life my own!!

vegansrock

Don’t give advice unless it’s asked for.

Best advice vegansrock.

Sara1954

I wonder when it started that new mothers needed help, I never had any, and didn’t want any, and as far as I know none of my friends had their mothers turning up for a week,
I know there is less rest time in hospital, but there is also paternity leave.
Not saying it’s a wrong thing to do, just wondering if it’s really necessary.

Same here even after I had had a c section both times.
But I did not act like the way my mother and MIL acted when I became a grandmother. I have no daughters, but offered all the help they asked for, but waited until asked.
Enjoy being a grandmother but take it as it comes.I am now a great grandmother so can speak with oats of experience.

Grandma29, sounds like they regard you as staff and resent the temerity of your going off duty without explicit permission.
maybe do less for them.
best not to argue or try to justify.
just offer what you really want to do eg take GD out for a walk or excursion.
good luck.

I don’t think a healthy young woman, who has the support of her husband/partner needs her mother or mother in law taking over.
Sure, be there if she asks, do a bit of shopping, take any older children out a bit, but cooking, cleaning, washing and ironing, surely they can manage between them.
It’s lovely to welcome friends and family and show off your new baby, and lovely to have a mum you can call in if you need to.
But otherwise, stand back and let them get on with it.

How lucky to have so much help on offer. We had no help and I worked through labour standing in a queue at the Post Office as I had customers to keep. I am not saying woe is me. Had an epidural booked and all went well. I was back at work at home in three days. Mum was old and three hours drive away and not really interested until he got older when thankfully they became close and he was her pallbearer.

Grandma29 No you were not wrong, they are not in charge of your life. Are you making yourself a bit too available if they have this attitude??

You have been given some excellent advice here, so I can add only 'Congratulations' - you have so much joy and happiness ahead. x

Thank god and enjoy

I'm so very pleased to read each and every comment. I have gained some really helpful insights and tips that I honestly wouldn't have had before. I feel I can be much clearer about how to approach this . My perspective has changed slightly in a very positive way.Thank you so much everyone. You have been brilliant

My first grandchild is being born at the start of April and reading your posts has really been so helpful. Especially as I am a person that can easily "take over". The fact that I have a nursing background and my daughter a medical doctor, obviously could complicate the roles even more So, I have learnt a lot, thank you all.