Granny in the corner

I grew up with my granny literally “ in the corner ! “ She had her chair in the corner and no one would dream of sitting in it .She arrived to live with us at 73 my age now - but what a difference in those days . She was frail but helped out when she could and died at the great age of 94. She was very much part of my childhood . I’m not in the corner yet although I am exhausted after DD and the two youngest GC aged 11 and 6 visit with parents for weekends or “London short breaks!” But that is more down to the noise and chaos after living a solitary life. The older twin GC live nearby and I see them sporadically.
Love them all dearly , but it is definitely becoming a role reversal with my DC and in-laws DS was worried that I asked for my step ladder back he had borrowed ( probably deliberately) a month ago !

I cant see a time when any of my DD will think I can sit and have drinks bought to me! I currently share my house with youngest DD and her three boys 12,5 and 4 two of the boys are ASD and as DD is a lone parent and a student nurse, I am expected to co parent, do most of the housework as well as holding down my job I am only in my late 50’s but am exhausted! The other DGC are 11,11,8 and a baby and also local but sadly I see little of them because of the demanding nature of the children with additional needs! To be honest I look forward to slowing down😱

I'm definitely in that corner. At 85 all my grandchildren are well and truly grown up, the youngest being 20. I spent years child minding and baby sitting and missed it dreadfully at first. I felt so useless, but gradually came to appreciate the freedom really. They are all friendly with me and I love seeing them. They all keep in touch in varying degrees. I count myself very lucky to have been so close to my grandchildren.
The downside is that I do feel a bit useless and not-needed now. Sometimes I feel like a waste of space. But nothing lasts forever and we have to accept that.

Roles change for sure. We’ve progressed with two from regular school holiday and emergency child care to occasional taxi. Now teenagers they have busy and frankly pressurised lives with divorced parents living in different counties. While we see them much less regularly when we do it feels meaningful as they chat opensly and constantly about their lives and we know care about us.

The young one has maternal family who share childcare, there’s an excellent rota with Aunts and other much younger grandparents. We often slept over and cared for him pre-school and do a very occasional few hours now plus the odd sleepover here. There can feel an element of over-care for us in that the 45-60 minute drive for a school run or pick up is viewed my his parents as being unreasonable. They aren’t wrong in a way, it would just be good to be asked if we agree. To be fair often we would!

Overall we’re happy enough with the transitions, roles have changed for sure, we had magical, special time with them all when they were younger. Time we all moved on as we must. We’re having a long and undoubtedly chaotic weekend all together later in the year, it will be expected we do the things they do. Will we? Can we? No idea but the expectation feels positive.

You know now and again I realise I don’t mind not having to spend ages clearing up after a manic craft session with two competitive and very messy girls or worry in case a little one experimenting with baby led weaning choked. This phase isn’t so bad.

Cabbie21 your GD might not be able to cope emotionally with the family situation at the moment.
My son told me when his gran was very ill he couldn’t face her and was sorry but he was finding it difficult to deal with.
You have a supportive family and they probably don’t see you as a granny in the corner at all 💐

From watching my mother grow older, I think the transition occurs when the family come round and you no longer make the tea for them but they make it and do the washing up.

As long as they still come round, though, it's nice to be with them.

Dottydots Why be saddened? I assume the decision NOT to a have children has been made deliberately by your sons - good on them. Sure you did not have them, just to give your parents g.children. Just thoroughly enjoy your adult children.

I am more than happy to take less and less part in the lives of my g.children as I get older. As long as my Adult Children all keep in close touch with me, and visit me as often as they can I am more than happy. No matter how old they get, I still get so worried about them if theyare having any problems (finaqncial, socal, etc).

Did need to help out with one particular g.child when she was small, she is now at Uni.

I have re-built my own social life as I have gone into my eighties and am thoroughly ejoying it. I like hearing about my g.children, and am concerned if any of them are having a hard time - but (thank goodness) not my resbonsibility.

When I am with any of my family, I do expect them to look after me - Ensure I have a suitable comfortable seat, bring me cups of tea, etc. Think I have earned this.

I'm sure we'd all prefer not to be forgotten by our grandchildren and, just because they've outgrown our looking after them, it doesn't mean that we're irrelevant.

Looking back at my own grandparents - one died before I was born and the others had all died by the time I was 11 - they actually did very little in the way of looking after me and I can't remember them ever taking me anywhere as we do our GD. But they were kind to me and I remember them with love and affection. Can we ask any more of our grandchildren?

At 77 and with DH in hospital I can see I am turning gradually into needing a bit of support rather than providing it, though thankfully I am very independent. Yesterday my 15 yearold grandson came for some French tuition and we had a great time together, doing French in a fun way, then he did a couple of chores for me and we had a chat. His sister, now just 18, who has always been closest to me has not even texted me this past week- too grown up now I suppose. So Granny in the corner it is, as far as she is concerned.

Dragonfly
I agree, I don’t think my children see me any differently than when I was fifty!
At sixty eight we still both work, regularly look after grandchildren, host birthdays and Christmas’s for the whole family, are constantly asked our advice and opinions about the children, and everything else.
Our children are very spaced out, so our grandchildren span 20 years, and I do feel a shift with the oldest two, they don’t live near us, and I don’t think we’ll see them often now.
I don’t want to be pushed into a corner, but would appreciate a little bit less responsibility for everything.
One of my daughters said at Christmas, that we would have to go on hosting Christmas, because we had all the necessary stuff you need, take it, I replied, it’s yours.
Needless to say, it’s still all here!

I think CanadianGran was only describing how she imagines the term ‘granny in the corner’ not accusing any of us actually being that way yet.

To be quite honest, I’m enjoying the transition from busy centre to quiet corner. Glass of wine in hand, feet up, observing and enjoying without pressure.

I live quite near to all my GC, except for the one studying in London, but there is school and they have their hobbies so I don’t see them much as I would like. I am hardly called on to help out these days.
I feel a bit jealous of the other two grannies of my two daughters’ children. Both have houses by the sea with boats and one even has a ski place, therefore they do see them during the school holidays.
Luckily there are the religious services, christening, first communion, confirmation, so for the next few years we will met up all together to celebrate. I don’t feel so much a granny in the corner as a granny wheeled out for the show, although I am perfectly able to walk.

CanadianGran

To me, being a 'granny in the corner' means not interacting with the family when there is an event going on. I can see as you get older that you lose touch with your grandchildren's lives. One might have a hearing issue, or find a family gathering too stimulating after living on your own. Where a family gathering happens around you, instead of you being a part of it.

I know it will happen one day, but I'm not there yet. I did see it happening to my MIL when she was in her later 80's, she would sit in her spot, taking it all in, but not really participating. Then being happy to go back to her quiet apartment.

Sorry Canadian Gran that does not describe anybody on this thread! We’re not in our dotage yet!

I have no children and have never done any childcare for anyone in the family. I dont drive and they live in another city. I dont think I will ever be in a corner as long as I am able to run a business.

I was only thinking of this yesterday. When I was still working part time I used to pick up one of my grandsons after school. One of them used to get croup occasionally and I would get a phone call late at night and I would have to drive over and stay with the other child while they went to hospital. I would never drink anything ( not that I drink much) just in case. And I’d still have to crawl into work the next day. Because of the pandemic I was never called on to look after m younger child’s children so I’m needed less and less these days. It saddens me a bit to think that my younger grandchildren will only have a memory of me as someone really old. I get far too tired to look after the younger ones too much these days and couldn’t cope with them sleeping over because they wake up at about 6!

To me, being a 'granny in the corner' means not interacting with the family when there is an event going on. I can see as you get older that you lose touch with your grandchildren's lives. One might have a hearing issue, or find a family gathering too stimulating after living on your own. Where a family gathering happens around you, instead of you being a part of it.

I know it will happen one day, but I'm not there yet. I did see it happening to my MIL when she was in her later 80's, she would sit in her spot, taking it all in, but not really participating. Then being happy to go back to her quiet apartment.

I've always been GITC. I hardly know my gc. The only ones who live close loved their maternal GM. Not interested in me. I'm used to it.

i don't feel like the granny in the corner, (59) i see my son and family every few weeks, i seldom babysit as my son works nightshift 4 days on 4 days off, they prefer to do family things and nights in. i have been very ill over the last five years and i have tried not to lean on them, i don't have friends and i have been widowed twice and spending 95% of my time on my own suits me. i don't and won't ever live my life through them. i have a beautiful 3 year old gc with non verbal autism and an adopted 14 year old and i love them both to bits. i can see them and facetime them but they are not my whole life.

I have 5 grandchildren and 2 great-grandchildren. When my GC were little I was still working but my DH and I did a lot of childcare when we were available.
Now things have changed,DGC are all grown up and I am a widow, on the wrong side of 70 and not in the best of health but still active but not enough to cope with child minding two lovely but very boisterous GGSns.I see them when not at school but past the stage when I can have them without help!
I miss my GC when they were the baby and young child stage but they visit me often and we have days out together.The oldest lives abroad now so I see her even less but miss her company
This is just another thing that comes with getting older.

I am not in the corner yet but I know exactly what you mean though. Visiting my grans was a weekly event then they were on their own again both widows it seemed sad. Our son and daughter did see their grans both widows as much as they could even as young adults which was nice.
We get called upon to help now and then with our very young GC and we visit every week.
I think you must feel it more when you lose your partner or live a distance away from family. I think we will have to then make the best of our time with friends and hobbies so as not to feel like granny or granddad in the corner.

I hope never to enter that corner, I’ve never had full time care of our grandchildren as I was working, now retired I’m on call for urgent pickups and the children stay here overnight if my daughter asks. I host family meals at least ten times a year including Christmas, which we both love.
My Mum, until felled by dementia, was the same

My youngest grandchild aged 5
Wears me out, I'm putting myself in the corner

My young

I've never been a granny in a corner, a granny on the stairs or a granny in the toilet My sons never had children, which at my age, 80, still saddens me.