GD behaviour

Reverse psychology might work. Ignore her when she comes over next, don't make eye contact. She will be curious as she won't have the usual response from you. Above all, try not to take it personally. Sorry you're not getting much support from the parents, they could give her a gentle prompt to say hello nicely.

My eldest DGD (aged 16 now) was a prolific biter to certain people when aged between 1-3. Chief victims were my DD2 who was in her teens at the time and her paternal GM. She is mortified now of course. When reminded. The only biter I’ve ever encountered.

Espee good advice. Thank you.

I would be telling her she was being rude and people don’t like anyone who is rude to them. However you are her grandmother, you love her and always will but it makes you sad when she behaves like that.
I used to tell my boys that “I love you when you’re good, I love you when you’re bad but when you’re bad you make me really, really sad.”
A hand shake, high five, or whatever, instead of a kiss is perfectly acceptable.
Don’t make too much of it and next week or next year everything might change.

Perhaps it is your perfume or make up , it might not seem strong to you but to their sensitive noses. Next time she calls you that ask her why ? She should be old enough to tell you if you don't feel comfortable doing that ask her parents to find out at least then you would know. I would stop trying to kiss and cuddle her at the moment and hopefully it will change in the near future.

Well, thank you for your advices. It's clear that it is a phase and that I should ignore her behaviour, although to be fair she is lovely at other times. The trouble is as we get older we forget what our own children had done when they were young and for the record, I'm not wrinkly nor smelly
Thanks again it has been helpful.

Agree with what had been said, you don't get well behaved children by condoning unacceptable behaviour or by spoiling them. At the end of the day children who are able to get along others will be more popular with their peers and happier in the long term. One thing that struck me is the reversal of roles, the OP said that she was the apple of the child's eye. Shouldn't it be the other way around? Surely the child should be more disconcerted by losing favour with the grandparents rather than the other way around?

I can’t really subscribe to the ‘it’s just a phase’ or ‘they all do it, it’ll pass’. It will only pass if it’s dealt with properly. I would ignore it up to a point, but you have to teach a child that unacceptable behaviour has consequences ( or rather, the parents have to ).

Many Fives are in a phase of their own. Ignore, it passes.

When one of my GD's was wee she told me "you do know you're not my FAVOURITE granny" her dad was horrified and told her to apologise.I thought it was hilarious.
I stopped him right there ,she was 4 ,she only saw his parents 3 times a year when they arrived laden with presents etc of course they were her favourites.
Now she's 12 she gets very embarrassed when her Dad reminds her of it ,we have a lovely relationship and she stays with us and my other 2 big GD's regularly ,in fact she's the one on the phone asking for extra days .
Your GD is just being 5 ,she'll grow out of it ,like another poster I would never ask or expect any child to hug or kiss anyone when they clearly didn't want to,I remember the round of kissing Aunties and Uncles and I hated it

It sounds like attention-seeking plus a growing awareness of independence.
I hope you can react in a loving -not smothering- way and not show any hurt.
My 3 year old grandson is quite shy and it was an achievement recently for him to let me read to him (instead of mummy) but when they left I went to give him a kiss and he shook his head and cried “No duddle ” (cuddle) - fair enough, he got a tickle instead which made him giggle and we parted on the best of terms.

Ignore the negative, reinforce the positive, don’t be hurt -and definitely don’t show it.
It’s a phase.

Doodle

nanou it’s a phase. So many of them do it. Testing to see how far they can go. Most children go through a phase of thinking it’s fun to call people stinky, or smelly or poo whatever. I would ignore it. The less attention you give her when she does this the better. It will pass.

Agree - my GS is 5 and going through that stage where everything is 'poo' or 'stinky' or similar. He thinks it's hilarious. I just ignore him or tell him that's not a nice way to speak about people. As you say, it's a phase and it will pass.

Spoiling her probably won't help as children need healthy boundaries to learn respect.

Calling you silly names and poking her tongue out is very minor and easily ignored.

Reward good behaviour instead.

It's never too early to teach children about consent. We shouldn't be kissing or hugging children who don't want to be kissed or hugged as this sends the wrong message. Teach her she is in charge of her own body by asking for a hug, respecting if she says no and not showing any negative emotion. Showing negative emotion will teach her she is responsible for others feelings if she has contol of her own body which is not a good lesson either.

Kissing really isn't necessary with grandchildren and only spreads germs easily.

My step-grandson refused kissing or hugs. So I told him it was rude to just ignore people and taught him how to shake hands properly. He accepted that, and used it with other people too.

I agree her parents should make it clear that her behaviour is disrespectful and rude. However I think your response to her behaviour is important too. When unacceptable behaviour starts turn your back immediately and walk away from her.
If you react in any other way you are rewarding her behaviour - giving her exactly what she wants!!
In her defence she is only 5 years old!! and is doing it because she can .
However I feel you should respect her wish not to be kissed! My GD was the same. I have a clear memory of being expected to kiss an elderly great aunt, the thought still gives me the shivers!!! Relax and don't retaliate. It will pass - good luck.

One of my DGSs aged 9, although a lovely funny boy, always sticks his tongue out in photos. On Friday he is having his school photo taken, that will be a challenge to the Photographer 😉

I remember well the horror of 'Give Auntie a kiss goodbye!' - and the approaching wrinkly face, complete with peach fuzz and red lipstick. I would feel physically sick (not helped by my perfume allergy) but comply - as I was brought up to be obedient and only speak when spoken to.

Please - just let a five year old be her normal, natural self - be that sulky, cheeky or even a bit naughty - as she'll soon grow out of it!

Just be yourself with her. She's 5. They go through phases throughout their lives. Even adults.

Don't go in for a kiss. I've not kissed my grandsons for years but we get on exceedingly well now.

Things will work out in the end.

Thank you all for your kind answers. I find them helpful to get other women's POVs

It is nothing to do with 'this new way of education' and everything to do with too tolerant parents. She is being rude because she is allowed to get away with it. Say quietly 'that is rude and please don't speak to me like that again', don't attempt to spoil her and give her the minimum attention without making an issue of it.

All totally normal - of the five younger grandchildren - they have all had a turn at being rude, ignorant, throwing tantrums, picking fights with their cousins or siblings as well as being absolute angels!!
Possibly the worst is middle child of the threesome - he kicked off with his Mum in the street when she was dropping them off for breakfast before school. He carried on with his Grandad who just told him straight to pack it in!!
We have the rep amongst the GCS for being not being the strictest but we won't suffer fools gladly. He may just been have hangry!! Once he had his breakfast he was really a different child! lol!!
But they all have their moments - interesting to see how their personalities emulate their parents lol!!

As she's 5, has she just started school? Or moved from reception up to year 1?
I find it's quite common for children to pick up all sorts of behaviours from the other pupils, then try them out at home for the shock factor.
Try asking her if that's what she says to her teacher, I'd guess the answer is "no."

How do you spoil her?

Don't ask for a kiss if she's said she doesn't like it, it's not compulsory for her to oblige you if she prefers not to.

OP

It is normal, she is 5!

I would read a bit about child development phases and adjust to them - you wont always have her adoration and full attention

Not wanting to be kissed -fair enough!

But name calling and rudeness ...I suggest you say very calmly "That is very rude and hurtful. I will not tolerate that behaviour!" Then just ignore and don't engage.

If she is rude and offensive, just ignore her and make it clear you are taking no notice of her. Fail to notice her presence, talk to others as if she is not there.

My DD was very rude to her grandmother, once. My MiL with 30 years experience of teaching 5 year olds, just turned to me and said. 'Please tell X, that I am not speaking to her again until she apologises for what she just said, and that is exactly what she did for the rest of the day, completely ignored DD. My MiL was staying with us and the next morning DD crept into her bedroom and apologised and all was forgiven and forgotten.