Granddaughter showing preference for other grandmother and ignoring me

I have a grandson (and maybe others !) whom I have never met and never will (his mother, my daughter, decided she wanted, for reasons unknown ! to cut me out of her life altogether !) so at least you DO have access to your gc's and have been part of their lives...........maybe they will move away a bit now they are teenagers ...who knows, in future you may become close again ! By the way, the OTHER grandma was on FB holding up a photo of a book my daughter had written, with the caption 'This is my daughter in law's book !) I e mailed her BUT there was no answer ! she has obviously poisoned me with everyone ....wish I knew why ! I send cards etc as I discovered her address .........but no contact now for coming up to 16 years......her life, so I have to accept that , sad as it is !

I know it must seem hard to have to stand back and watch your gd with her other gran. But imagine how the other gran feels knowing you are there with her all the time . And shes half a world away . Its tough but if you get too jealous you might alienate your "girl". And things won't be the same again .

The ‘other’ GM has been so far away for so long it is not surprising DGD wants to make up for lost time. Think how much time you have had, and will have again when Aussie GM goes back

OP has not returned, surprise surprise.

Get over yourself Your GD is not "your girl" You sound like a nightmare Can you not be happy that your GD is having a lovely time with her other Gran If you've made your feelings obvious then don't be surprised if she distances herself further which given her age would not be unusual

FloraRose, I stopped reading after a few posts. You've received some good advice and quite a bit of snotty comments. I didn't see anything in your comments that made you sound like a crazed, obsessive or entitled grandmother. I saw the remarks of a grandmother who has bonded very well with her granddaughter and who has spent a lot of time with her, much of it taking care of her. You've obviously been generous. It's not unreasonable to expect some appreciation from your granddaughter. Of course, it's better if you don't make a thing of it, but you already know that. You're just looking for a little sympathy. GNet is not always the best place to go to for sympathy. It depends on the day and who's watching. I have wonderful grandchildren, and I love them, and they love me. However, I have had my feelings hurt by them on occasion, so I understand. I'm sorry people felt compelled to tell you that she's not your girl. That sounds like someone who doesn't have any relatives at all, frankly. I knew what you meant, and she is your girl in a way. Good luck and feel better soon.

Hang in their Flora when the other Gran goes home you will be there to pick up the pieces.

I do find it sad when you are obviously asking for support and advice some contributors here make unkind remarks, not helpful at all. ?

I can remember as a child my Ozzie great uncle came to the U.K. and I was besotted with him and can remember saying ‘do you love me more than your other grandchildren’. I know he explained we were all special to him.

Best of luck.

I’m sorry this must be really upsetting. Kids that age sometimes don’t think about others feelings and I’m sure don’t hasn’t stopped to think you might be feeling left out
. Other GM is shiny and new and a novelty. Even if other GM stayed in the U.K. I’m sure the situation Wouid settle down after a while but hopefully she’ll be going back to the other side of the world soon ? X

but hopefully she’ll be going back to the other side of the world soon

What an Unfeeling comment . The Australian grandmother unlikely then to see her granddaughter for at least a year

I suppose anyone in your situation would feel a little sad, but you are a grown up, I think you should have taken a step back while the other granny was here, let them bond and have a lovely time, and be around to hear all her stories when she’s gone.

Try to be pleased she is having a good time with her other gran. She is bound to see her as interesting and anything different is a focus for youngsters of that age. Take a back seat and be really friendly and interested in her Australian way of life. Have a laugh with her when the opportunity arises. Also give them time on their own.

OP

What are you going to do when your gd understandably prefers her friends to you, grandma?

Get ready for that, it is going to happen

The other grandma would surely have been aware you were feeling left out. What would you have done had it been the other way round, I guess you would have had word with your GD? But as this woman will be gone again soon, just smile and move on.

but as this woman will be gone again soon

This woman ??? The child’s grandmother. Who lives thousands of miles away.

I’m absolutely astonished at the attitudes on here. Clearly you all live nice and near your grandchildren. Lucky you.

How would posters reply if it was the visiting grandmother posting about total grandmother resentful for her visit?

Lucca

*but as this woman will be gone again soon*

This woman ??? The child’s grandmother. Who lives thousands of miles away.

I’m absolutely astonished at the attitudes on here. Clearly you all live nice and near your grandchildren. Lucky you.

I'm astonished too.

And yes, another couple of years and the granddaughter will want to be out with her friends.
Unless you're taking her clothes shopping, FloraRose ?

From one grandmother to another bide your time. Things will go back to normal,soon.

Ah yes. Clothes shopping.
The hours I’ve spent trailing around Hollister and Zara, but I know I’m loved especially much when I’m waving my debit card.

FloraRose, if you are still reading, I’m sorry you’ve had a few harsh comments on here, but the majority of replies have, I think tried to gently encourage you to see things from the other gran’s perspective.
It really doesn’t take much imagination to put ourselves in the shoes of grandparents living thousands of miles away from their beloved grandchildren, does it?

Yes I can understand you feel a bit hurt at how your girl (nothing whatsoever wrong with that phrase by the way) seems to love spending time with her, but it’s only natural isn’t it?
It doesn’t mean she loves you any less, but she is enjoying spending time with the other gran during the short time she has with her.

I hope you don’t regret posting, as your feeling are, up to a point understandable, but the feelings of the other gran, usually thousands of miles away, need to be considered too don’t they?

I am the grandmother that isn’t anyone’s favourite. My granddaughter adores my husband! my grandson adores his other grandmother. They aren’t mean to me, they are nice, and they chat, hold my hand, tell me about their days (they are four and seven) but if this was a popularity competition, I would be behind the door. Except it isn’t a popularity competition. We had fourteen years separated from our daughter (our only child] and we’re finally able to join her here in Australia five years ago - I’m so glad to be here that I am too busy enjoying time with the kids to feel upset about the pecking order - it’s normal for kids to have favourites. Your co- grandparent is obviously a very warm person and as others have said, a novelty. I’d be a bit hurt too, but if I were you, I’d spend this very short time trying to get to know your opposite number a bit better. Trust me, you don’t want to be in this lady’s shoes when it’s time to leave - saying goodbye is just awful.

Lots of very wise and kind words from JenniferEccles and Goldbeater.

Hopefully you realise by reading all these very thoughtful posts, that you are in a much better position than the Australian granny, and be thankful for it.

Trust me, you don’t want to be in this lady’s shoes when it’s time to leave - saying goodbye is just awful

I can agree wholeheartedly with that

I've just been on holiday with 2 of my GCs. Whilst they were playing one day older GC asked younger which granny do you like best Granny X (me and I live quite near them) or Granny Y (who lives some distance away and they see 2 or 3 times a year) Younger glanced at me then said "Granny Y". I knew he was trying to wind me up. Children pick up on more things than you realise.

Please don't be upset by the extra attention the visiting GP is getting. Be glad they they have the chance to spend time together. You will soon have her to yourself again. Remember, though, that she will soon be a teenager, and may not connect with you in the same way, for a while, when other interests take over. Hopefully your relationship will flourish as she gets older.

I have the reverse scenario. My 5 year old Aussie GD has seen me 3 times in her life, 'in the flesh', but we chat regularly on FaceTime. She has met her Peruvian GP only once. Although she waves to them on her Dad's phone they don't know each other's languages, which I find very sad.

My 2 year old Aussie grandson's other GPs live near him, and see him regularly. I'm not jealous of their close relationship, even though he mainly gave me the cold shoulder when I visited recently. I hope that I live long enough to build a relationship with him once we can FaceTime together.

Callistemon21

^Trust me, you don’t want to be in this lady’s shoes when it’s time to leave - saying goodbye is just awful^

I can agree wholeheartedly with that

Oh so can I . It’s dreadful. The day before you have to leave.. stomach in knots, tears never far away.

That’s why I’ve been horrified at the unfeeling comments along the lines of “ don’t worry she’ll be gone soon”