Granddaughter showing preference for other grandmother and ignoring me

I totally agree with this kinder comment. I've noticed on Gransnet that those who show emotional vulnerability get slammed, which I think is horrible and is a nasty trend on social media generally. Thought our generation might be better, but clearly we are not! I'm so sorry you're feeling like this, Flora, it must be so rejecting, and clearly you have a great emotional investment in your GD - and thereby hangs a tale. Children and grandchildren (especially these days) seem to have a sense of entitlement. Maybe this is because we've given them so much. Your GD sees you as someone who's always there, that she can rely on, whose caring for her is safe, and in a way it's a back-handed tribute to you that she feels she can ignore you! She knows you'll always be there! Obviously you would like her to phone YOU on the iPhone you bought, that's understandable, but of course you're there all the time and so you're not so exciting! That will change, and as she goes through life (a life in which she will inevitably draw further away from you) you will be a wonderful influence, a warmth that remains within her. HOWEVER, I do sense that you perhaps have too much invested in this girl, emotionally. You say you're a widow, and I expect you're lonely? Get out there and meet people, get close to friends (and even, dare I say, date?) and become deeply involved with people of your own age, outside the family, who will hopefully give you something back! It's hopeless to look to children and grandchildren for emotional fulfilment, for they so often disappoint (been there...) Try to feel happy that your girl feels free to ignore you - how she must trust you! The other granny will go back to Oz and things will go back to normal, but meanwhile PLEASE don't exert any emotional pressure, however hard this seems. Hope this soon works out!

Flora Rose has trusted us with her private feelings. Therefore it's wrong to scold
Not scold I agree. But gentle kind pointing out of other perspectives can help in processing feelings. .

I am not referring to you Grandtante. Your reply is helpful.

Flora Rose has trusted us with her private feelings. Therefore it's wrong to scold .

There is no place for scolding when it happens on Gransnet , as frequently it does, that someone who is in emotional pain for whatever reason, seeks advice or help.

Please do try to see that this is quite natural, especially if this is the first time your granddaughter can remember a visit from her other grandmother.

As others have said, there is a good chance of your and your granddaughter's relationship getting back to something like its old footing as long as you manage to conceal your hurt.

On the other hand, a girl of 12 is reaching the stage where she will naturally start to move away from family and other adults who have known her and whom she has known all her life, so you would be wise to accept that things are going to change.

Being widowed does make one emotionally fragile, especially if you only recently have lost your husband.

Try to make new friends and take up some new interests to lessen your loneliness - you neither can, nor should, expect your daughters and granddaughters to supply all your emotional needs.

I apologise if this comes over as unsympathetic - it is most assuredly not meant to, as I do understand why you are hurt, but I would hate to think you are storing up more hurt for yourself by taking a natural development of new interests in a 12 year old girl too much to heart.

The title of your post showing granddaughter showing preference for the other grandmother and ignoring me, seems to be all about your feelings and not taking into consideration that your granddaughter should be wanting to see and spend time with a grandmother she rarely sees, just think about the little girls excitement seeing the other grandmother perfectly normal to me

I think it’s wonderful that the GD is spending time with her Australian grandmother, you are very lucky that you have had 12 years of being close to her, so surely you can understand that your GD should spend some time with her other grandmother, I actually feel for her as she doesn’t see her very often, I think you are being unreasonable try and see it from the little girls side,

I have two grand daughters who i adore.. Sounds like you. I live thousands of miles away but go and spend months with them. They have another grand mother who is in India who they havent seen for three years. I make a point of making videos of the girls sending messages to her to keep her in the loop. You need to talk to her mother and voice your anguish. The other grandmother will be going back soon so things will return to normal. Something new will take priority so just hand in there. Keep doing what you have always done. When you see them go and link arms with the other grand mother.

My grandchildren have a totally different relationship with their other grand-mother. She is older, and not very sporty- so it is quite normal they see her differently. I hope that is OK for her- it is very normal. They love her very much, in a different way.

Yes, count your blessings.

She's still your girl. But she's Australian gran's girl too, and soon to be back to long distance, which must be incredibly hard. Count your blessings.

I would be gutted

I completely agree with Lathyrus and Monica, you have to let them go.

I would hate for our GC to visit purely out of duty. We have given them the freedom to be themselves. We deem ourselves fortunate that they appear to enjoy our company.

the attitude of the OP to her relationship with her GD sounds unhealthy.

M0nica

I have always found that the way to stay close to children and grandchildren is to let them go.

I absolutely agree! And I don't wish to appear unkind but I get the impression the OP does smother her GD.
The child is only 12 and seeing her other GM is a novelty, cut her some slack, you haven't lost her for good.
The other GM is only around for 2 months, do let them enjoy each others company.

It's more that your GD at 12 isn't mature enough really to understand other people's feelings. She has no intention of hurting you and her love for you is constant - your relationship is exactly as it always has been. This other gran is a novelty and she has reacted just as any youngster would do. It's nothing to worry about.

I know for a fact my granddaughter has a better bond with her other grandmother because she lives local to her and always sleeps over. I get very min time with her due to her parents divorce. I just enjoy my time with her when I get it. And maybe your jealous is showing through but how do you think other grand mum feels being so far away from her. Your granddaughter is her own person and just because you bought her a phone don’t make her yours. Yes I also live alone but I’m definitely not jealous of my grandkids other grandparents. She is starting to become a teenager she will drift even further when she gets onto the boys it’s life unfortunately it’s called growing up.

Perhaps the child is aware that she only has her other GM here for a short while?

I say, be kind to yourself and leave it to sort itself out.

Of course you are feeling sad that your grandaughter has taken a step back from you and a large step towards her other grandmother. You are only human and you obviously have a lot invested in this relationship. However, the more churlish you are about it, the more you will lose so grit your teeth, smile lots and reassure your grandaughter that it is lovely she has another person in her life that loves her so much.
Whilst I understand your angst, if you love her so much, you will want her to be happy. If two months with her other grandmother gives her such happiness, let her have that time without making her feel uncomfortable about it. I am sure if you can make the best of this situation, extend a hand of friendship to the other grandmother and are generous with your pleasure with the bond with her, you will ultimately reap the rewards of the love of your grandaughter.
Please ask your daughter not to try to influence your grandaughter, it won't end well.
I am sorry to hear you are widowed.. Maybe this is a wake up call that you need to find other interests too so that you are not reliant on somebody who will naturally move away from you as she grows up.

This original post has made me feel very uncomfortable & when I first read it I thought it must be some kind of joke to get a conversation going, but I fear it is not.
I think you need to spend some time with people your own age and have some fun so you can get things back in perspective. Stop validating yourself through silly comparisons. I'm sorry if this sounds hard but it's tough love

I can understand your hurt, it's because you love your granddaughter so much but because of that we have to understand their needs and feelings first. Just feel blessed you live close to your granddaughter and remember all the lovely times you have shared and will share.

I can understand that you are feeling a little hurt and deep down a bit jealous of this new relationship your granddaughter has with her other Grandma, don’t worry too much though. Children can be very fickle, when she has only you around you will be her world, when her friends or cousins are there it may be them. At the moment it’s the Grandma who she hasn’t seen for years who will be lavishing attention on her who is the centre of her universe. That’s just how children are, she still loves you just the same and will no doubt return her affections back to you once the other Grandma has gone home, for now step back and let the other grandma have her moment.

One day sadly they all grow up, have new people in their lives and we often become a smaller part of their circle, that’s why we have to enjoy them while they’re young and enjoy visiting us.

Although I can sympathise up to a point with your supposed feeling of rejection, try to concentrate on the fact that the gran from Australia is only here for two short months.
Try to put yourself in her shoes for a moment. She is, I’m sure loving every moment with her granddaughter, but she will equally be well aware that the clock is ticking to her return home.
You really mustn’t begrudge this poor woman her time here. Isn’t it wonderful that she has had such a warm welcome from the granddaughter she probably misses every single day ?

I do hope you’ve been friendly towards her.

I just noticed I typed ‘Freda’ once in my post among also saying ‘Flora’ several times! Silly me, my apologies for the mistake Flora.

Lucca

Juliet27

Just remember that Australian grandma will really miss your granddaughter when she goes back home. Don’t begrudge this short happy time she has with her.

Exactly.

I agree

How exciting that Granny from Australia has been able to come over after what has probably been a very long three years when she hasn't seen her precious grand-daughter because of Covid.

I hope you made the other Granny feel welcome too.

It's such a short time before she goes back and they are making the most of their time together, be glad for them both.

Juliet27

Just remember that Australian grandma will really miss your granddaughter when she goes back home. Don’t begrudge this short happy time she has with her.

Exactly.