Granddaughter showing preference for other grandmother and ignoring me

Flora Rose has trusted us with her private feelings. Therefore it's wrong to scold .

There is no place for scolding when it happens on Gransnet , as frequently it does, that someone who is in emotional pain for whatever reason, seeks advice or help.

Please do try to see that this is quite natural, especially if this is the first time your granddaughter can remember a visit from her other grandmother.

As others have said, there is a good chance of your and your granddaughter's relationship getting back to something like its old footing as long as you manage to conceal your hurt.

On the other hand, a girl of 12 is reaching the stage where she will naturally start to move away from family and other adults who have known her and whom she has known all her life, so you would be wise to accept that things are going to change.

Being widowed does make one emotionally fragile, especially if you only recently have lost your husband.

Try to make new friends and take up some new interests to lessen your loneliness - you neither can, nor should, expect your daughters and granddaughters to supply all your emotional needs.

I apologise if this comes over as unsympathetic - it is most assuredly not meant to, as I do understand why you are hurt, but I would hate to think you are storing up more hurt for yourself by taking a natural development of new interests in a 12 year old girl too much to heart.

The title of your post showing granddaughter showing preference for the other grandmother and ignoring me, seems to be all about your feelings and not taking into consideration that your granddaughter should be wanting to see and spend time with a grandmother she rarely sees, just think about the little girls excitement seeing the other grandmother perfectly normal to me

I think it’s wonderful that the GD is spending time with her Australian grandmother, you are very lucky that you have had 12 years of being close to her, so surely you can understand that your GD should spend some time with her other grandmother, I actually feel for her as she doesn’t see her very often, I think you are being unreasonable try and see it from the little girls side,

I have two grand daughters who i adore.. Sounds like you. I live thousands of miles away but go and spend months with them. They have another grand mother who is in India who they havent seen for three years. I make a point of making videos of the girls sending messages to her to keep her in the loop. You need to talk to her mother and voice your anguish. The other grandmother will be going back soon so things will return to normal. Something new will take priority so just hand in there. Keep doing what you have always done. When you see them go and link arms with the other grand mother.

My grandchildren have a totally different relationship with their other grand-mother. She is older, and not very sporty- so it is quite normal they see her differently. I hope that is OK for her- it is very normal. They love her very much, in a different way.

Yes, count your blessings.

She's still your girl. But she's Australian gran's girl too, and soon to be back to long distance, which must be incredibly hard. Count your blessings.

I would be gutted

I completely agree with Lathyrus and Monica, you have to let them go.

I would hate for our GC to visit purely out of duty. We have given them the freedom to be themselves. We deem ourselves fortunate that they appear to enjoy our company.

the attitude of the OP to her relationship with her GD sounds unhealthy.

M0nica

I have always found that the way to stay close to children and grandchildren is to let them go.

I absolutely agree! And I don't wish to appear unkind but I get the impression the OP does smother her GD.
The child is only 12 and seeing her other GM is a novelty, cut her some slack, you haven't lost her for good.
The other GM is only around for 2 months, do let them enjoy each others company.

It's more that your GD at 12 isn't mature enough really to understand other people's feelings. She has no intention of hurting you and her love for you is constant - your relationship is exactly as it always has been. This other gran is a novelty and she has reacted just as any youngster would do. It's nothing to worry about.

I know for a fact my granddaughter has a better bond with her other grandmother because she lives local to her and always sleeps over. I get very min time with her due to her parents divorce. I just enjoy my time with her when I get it. And maybe your jealous is showing through but how do you think other grand mum feels being so far away from her. Your granddaughter is her own person and just because you bought her a phone don’t make her yours. Yes I also live alone but I’m definitely not jealous of my grandkids other grandparents. She is starting to become a teenager she will drift even further when she gets onto the boys it’s life unfortunately it’s called growing up.

Perhaps the child is aware that she only has her other GM here for a short while?

I say, be kind to yourself and leave it to sort itself out.

Of course you are feeling sad that your grandaughter has taken a step back from you and a large step towards her other grandmother. You are only human and you obviously have a lot invested in this relationship. However, the more churlish you are about it, the more you will lose so grit your teeth, smile lots and reassure your grandaughter that it is lovely she has another person in her life that loves her so much.
Whilst I understand your angst, if you love her so much, you will want her to be happy. If two months with her other grandmother gives her such happiness, let her have that time without making her feel uncomfortable about it. I am sure if you can make the best of this situation, extend a hand of friendship to the other grandmother and are generous with your pleasure with the bond with her, you will ultimately reap the rewards of the love of your grandaughter.
Please ask your daughter not to try to influence your grandaughter, it won't end well.
I am sorry to hear you are widowed.. Maybe this is a wake up call that you need to find other interests too so that you are not reliant on somebody who will naturally move away from you as she grows up.

This original post has made me feel very uncomfortable & when I first read it I thought it must be some kind of joke to get a conversation going, but I fear it is not.
I think you need to spend some time with people your own age and have some fun so you can get things back in perspective. Stop validating yourself through silly comparisons. I'm sorry if this sounds hard but it's tough love

I can understand your hurt, it's because you love your granddaughter so much but because of that we have to understand their needs and feelings first. Just feel blessed you live close to your granddaughter and remember all the lovely times you have shared and will share.

I can understand that you are feeling a little hurt and deep down a bit jealous of this new relationship your granddaughter has with her other Grandma, don’t worry too much though. Children can be very fickle, when she has only you around you will be her world, when her friends or cousins are there it may be them. At the moment it’s the Grandma who she hasn’t seen for years who will be lavishing attention on her who is the centre of her universe. That’s just how children are, she still loves you just the same and will no doubt return her affections back to you once the other Grandma has gone home, for now step back and let the other grandma have her moment.

One day sadly they all grow up, have new people in their lives and we often become a smaller part of their circle, that’s why we have to enjoy them while they’re young and enjoy visiting us.

Although I can sympathise up to a point with your supposed feeling of rejection, try to concentrate on the fact that the gran from Australia is only here for two short months.
Try to put yourself in her shoes for a moment. She is, I’m sure loving every moment with her granddaughter, but she will equally be well aware that the clock is ticking to her return home.
You really mustn’t begrudge this poor woman her time here. Isn’t it wonderful that she has had such a warm welcome from the granddaughter she probably misses every single day ?

I do hope you’ve been friendly towards her.

I just noticed I typed ‘Freda’ once in my post among also saying ‘Flora’ several times! Silly me, my apologies for the mistake Flora.

Lucca

Juliet27

Just remember that Australian grandma will really miss your granddaughter when she goes back home. Don’t begrudge this short happy time she has with her.

Exactly.

I agree

How exciting that Granny from Australia has been able to come over after what has probably been a very long three years when she hasn't seen her precious grand-daughter because of Covid.

I hope you made the other Granny feel welcome too.

It's such a short time before she goes back and they are making the most of their time together, be glad for them both.

Juliet27

Just remember that Australian grandma will really miss your granddaughter when she goes back home. Don’t begrudge this short happy time she has with her.

Exactly.

Doodle

It’s a fascination with something new. Someone different to talk to. A grandparent who hasn’t been seen for ages and suddenly appears. Please don’t take it to heart. I know you’re upset but the other grandma will be gone soon and the novelty will wear off.

Very sensible comment from Doodledog. This grandparent is a novelty but will soon have gone home. Try to think of it positively for the other grandma, she rarely gets to see her grandchild and is enjoying her time with her.

Flora Rose, I'd feel just the same!

Of course you feel possessive of a precious relationship!

The young girl has not changed but has shown a side of her, to be enchanted with someone new and charismatic, that you were unaware of. In later years you may be able to advise her if her emotions are too precipitate.

Also, when the young girl becomes mature, maybe not until after you yourself are dead, she will realise her behaviour will have hurt your feelings.

In the next few days, it may be better for you to stay away from these meetings with the other woman as there is no point in being in an awkward social situation when you don't have to.

I am sorry you are upset but as the other gran is only here for a short while I would step back and let them have their time together. I do think you have to accept that as they become teenagers you will probably be seeing less of her anyway. All but one of my GC are now teenagers or adults and I just enjoy hearing from their parents about all the goings on rather than be heavily involved in everything. The seem to live in such a different world to me!