Where do I draw the line..

Not all women can breastfeed Elaine very silly thing to state.
OP do not give them anymore handouts, they have to learn to budget. Also they need to see about going out to work and making arrangements for the baby to be looked after.

I cannot see the relevance of Elaine1 response to this thread, but I can see that she has had a very difficult time and needed to let it all out.

So, I do hope the OP doesn't see it as if anyone is suggesting her DS and DiL's situation is so grave and serious.

Elaine1 What a ridiculous and offensive thing to say - not all women can breastfeed. And I’m sorry about your daughter, but that doesn’t seem even remotely comparable to this situation. I’m glad there’s a happy ending, but it does feel like it’s a very extreme example when the situation seems to be two pretty young people who are adjusting to parenthood under difficult circumstances.

Oh my.. that would have been so hard to go through! I'm glad DD2 was strong enough to get out!
IMO.. they are just immature and didn't think it through.. they are unemployed and living on benefits and wanted to have a baby.. they didn't discuss whether it is a good time or if they had the money to support a baby. They struggled with money even before DIL fell pregnant.

If they have no money why is she not breast feeding then she wouldn't need formula. Why have they no money? This doesn't sound right and I'm not surprised you are worried. DD2 f.....t ex spent all their money (earned by her working till 38 weeks) on drugs. At 9 weeks after DGS2 was born he told her he needed his sleep and so she could sleep downstairs on the couch with the baby and 2 rescue staffies. He would clear a space in the mucky disgusting living room. She had spent the first 9 weeks in the clean bedroom with only respite when she came to ours. DH asked her to stay with us. Next day DS fiancee took her to Woman's Aid (had been violence) while I took DGS2 for a walk. She got huge amount of advice and help and lawyer's name. Day after that he came to see baby and then wanted her bank card. She said no and I ushered him out (then I was given the title "witch"). When he had gone she phoned her bank (about 8pm) cancelled cards and told them what had happened. Day after that DS and fiancee and myself escorted her home (her house - he was not on the mortgage) she bravely told him to do one - script from Woman's Aid - gave him 2 hours to leave. We went back - he was in bed - gave another 2 hours. Was finishing his washing so stood over him. He left to neighbours and we got locksmith. We then found out she was in debt due to the drug taking - a lot. She contacted Christians Against Poverty and this month - 4 years on she is debt free, has a lovely house, happy beautiful son and did it all herself (we do help practically as she is a single parent). Anyway that happened to us, hopefully it is not the same for you but when you say no money for formula and nappies - it rings a warning bell with me.

Be lighthearted when offering advise. When they do something you feel is not quite right I have used the ...Oh I expect its different these days but when mine were babies I used to ..........
Also praised their parenting. So long as baby is loved, fed and comfortable and not in danger then leave them to develop their own style of parenting and just enjoy being a Grandmother. I for one can't recommend it enough. ?

They may have to experience a failure for them to wise up and learn from it, sadly

Hithere

When they ask for help - why not follow the teach them to fish vs giving them the goods?

That was my theory in the beginning.. I wanted to offer guidance and hopefully help educate about how to manage money etc while they aren't working etc. For example, the money they are using for fuel could go to formula and nappies. I have also talked about work opportunities as well.
That is an example of how I am trying to help without being intrusive.

When they ask for help - why not follow the teach them to fish vs giving them the goods?

Just to clarify.. the saga is with myself. I want to leave them to raise their son but, they ask for financial support and advice. I want to help obviously and don't begrudge them for wanting to socialise. I'm only in my 40s and feel like a modern grandma.

Now re-reading this thread, I am going to step back and just enjoy my grandson when I can. If they need me, they will ask.

I am not sure why they send me nightly pictures. The advice has been around sleeping routine because they find it hard to keep him down during the night. I have never asked for them to be sent.
You are all right though.. It is their baby and it is coming from a good place. I have always said to them that I don't want them to feel I am intruding and to let me know if they feel that way but, more than likely, they do feel that way and don't want to say anything..
On the flip side though, they do bring me in to. This whole saga started tonight because they need formula and nappies to because they have no money to buy more.. what do I do.. just keep on supporting them financially and not say anything?

This sounds a bit of a disaster waiting to happen...

They might be patient with unwanted advice now but it will probably run out.

If that baby catches a sniffle and you say anything about your "advice" or their lifestyle or parenting I can just see the fallout now..

Please stop for the sake of your future relationship. This isn't your baby and there are many ways to be a good parent

Please don’t interfere. It’s not your baby.

I too feel you should leave well alone. It's not easy, but they are the parents and if you have a good relationship - which seems that you have - they will ask for help if they need it. Enjoy your grandchild

For most of human history and even today if we are talking globally, most babies have not been “put to bed” in a room away from other people.
Their baby will sleep when it needs to wherever and at this age until around 9 months, is the most portable it will be for a number of years.

I’m impressed they have the energy for all this visiting! They are obviously coping brilliantly. A friend of ours had her 2 week old asleep in a pram at a formal dinner dance. I was still glued to the sofa in a daze at that point and lucky to be showered and dressed.

Babies are more at risk of overheating rather than being too cold in our modern cars and homes, stop following them around with blankets etc. This was something Health Visitors and baby books really rammed home when mine were babies and I had a real battle with my own MIL putting woolly hats and blankets on my baby when I left the (very warm) room. You are lucky they are very chilled parents and you haven’t already really annoyed them. Really try to stop yourself interfering if you value your relationship.

If the parents need any advice they will google it, do not give advice as it will probably be out of date.

You probably parented differently from your parents, times change.

Just enjoy being a grandma.

I m not understanding are you saying that you know where they all are every evening? That’s so intrusive what time they go home or where they are is no one’s business but theirs
Why on earth do you need nightly pictures of him sleeping
Most parents of adult children haven’t a clue where their children are and it’s absolutely no business of yours, whether they visit friends, or go to bed at 8 pm or midnight
In answer to your question yes you are way way too involved and need to back off a lot

Think as grandparents it's best just go observe quietly and keep our opinions to ourselves...You won't get any thanks for trying to interfere even in a kindly way...Just love and enjoy being a granny and hand them back to mum and dad...

You are already overstepping

Give only advice when they ask you.

"I am wondering if I am over stepping the mark with advice.. They take it well when I offer it but, somethings they just won't change."
If you expect things to change based on your preferences, you are in for a hard reality - it is not going to happen according to your preferences
They are going to do things your way, not yours.

Their baby, their parenting style.

Their baby.... their rules.
Unless the child is in danger I would keep my opinions to myself.
Best way to keep contact going forward.
Times have changed.

JayDee Tas The first lesson of grandparenting is that how our grandchild is brought up is nothing to do with us. Beyond Grandma's rules in Grandma's house. Such as 'food and drink stay in the kitchen', the child's upbringing is entirely in the hands of the parents, you can only interfere if the child is at real risk of physical harm.

If they are disorganised that is their business, nothing to do with you. Do not get involved.

DS and DDiL are in their 50s, they are both academics and still live like students. They are not tidy and they have brought their children up very differently, but at 15 and 12, I have two happy secure grandchildren, both doing well at school, although DGD, the one tidy one in the house does fantasise of having a house of her own that would be very tidy!

Agreed Houseplantqueen! Our first was born in the very hot summer of 1975 and we couldn’t put him to bed in a room that was 90deg. We took him out in the evenings, to friends, to the pub (shock horror!), to the beach, to relatives. He can still sleep any and everywhere.

Actually, referring to the always visiting friends comment, I found that my children were very portable at that age! As long as they are snug, fed and clean, they can be taken anywhere at any time. It is when they get older and mobile that the difficulties start!

It's their baby, sure they are very protective over it. No need to worry about it.
If they are happy, baby will be happy.
It's lovely your a caring Grandparent, just go with the flow.

I think you need to step back and not offer advice all the time, the baby is only seven weeks old and patents like to do things their own way - ideas on how to look after a baby will have changed since you had your children.

Why do you need to give them spare clothes or a blanket when they are going home, don’t they bring enough warm things with them? If they are in a car, the baby will be warm enough without extra layers, indeed, current thinking is that it’s harmful to make a baby too hot, especially when asleep.

I’d back off, enjoy your time with the baby and leave the new parents to bring up their child their way.