School

There could be legitimate reasons why your daughter is doing that and you are not aware of them?

How old is the child?

Shes 4.5 years. I think it has more to do with the daughters own anxiety. She has a weight problem and constantly talking about being ill herself. Now this is transferring to the grandchild. It's like shes 'wishing' she has a problem. I'm just don't know how to deal with this now as i can see the once bright, social little girl now acting very strange.

It would seem that your daughter needs some help. She may be using her daughter as a shield and is afraid of letting her go. Persuading her to ask for some assistance is going to be difficult. Maybe suggest that she contacts her GP, for her daughter's sake if nothing else.

I can understand your great worry. This is a complex situation and one that only the professionals will untangle. I, like most GNs are not in a position to dish out advise other than to persuade your daughter to seek help. Your daughter may know there is a problem and her way of protecting her child is to keep her away from others. Whatever is happening I hope this situation is dealt with in the most appropriate way. Keep posting as people are concerned and it will help you to off load ! Look after yourself and I wish you and your family strength and a positive outcome. ?

It sounds like your daughter has a health anxiety possibly complicated by a covid anxiety. The nursery seem to be checking on them though which is good. I think you sound like you are there to support her and your granddaughter and probably the best thing to do is just what you are doing. Keep supporting her, seeing them and talking to them but beware of criticising in case your daughter stops contact. When your granddaughter starts school, they will also be on top of absences. Best wishes.

Worrying for you but the school have picked up that there may be a problem and I would think will be monitoring it.
I know it's difficult trying to get someone to see a doctor but maybe just keep gently persuading her.

The child should be in full time education, certainly by September. The school have noticed the situation, and will pursue it if the child continues to miss school.
You are right to be concerned because your daughter's problems are affecting her daughter, and may develop into school refusal. I have seen this happen to the daughter- in- law, step- grandchild (who never attended school after the age of eleven) and grandchildren of a friend. The seven year old is now suffering school refusal, encouraged by her mother, but the school have put in place a contract whereby the child has to attend the school for part of every day, with a great deal of support, but serious consequences if the family do not participate. This is for the good of the child; during the lockdown all the responsibility fell on the grandmother, who has serious health issues, so home education is not a good option.

So sorry to hear your dd and gc are having such a hard time

Sometimes it is a matter of who tells a person a message, not the message itself.
If a friend (for example) says the same thing, it goes through

Is there anybody who could talk to her?