Buying presents for step grandchildren

"Real grandparents"? Really? OP is as real as they come. I would spend the same amount for all - it's easier if you shop around during the year, or put some coins aside each day.

My daughter had two children before she met her partner who was a single dad of one daughter who has always lived with him. They now have a daughter together. I have always treated the four of them exactly the same as regards birthday and Christmas presents. I also do the same when buying numerous little ‘treats’ and clothes throughout the year. His family (mostly) do the same. I would hate for any child to feel ‘left out’ or belittled by unequal treatment although I do understand that it is difficult. The only time I might be tempted is with my eldest granddaughter who has no other biological parent to ‘treat’ her as her father sadly died at 24 of cancer. However she does have his sister, a loving and indulgent auntie!

I'd treat them all the same they are now part of your family , my children were step children and my son was biological they all got the same thankfully and they appreciated they were accepted as family not outsiders , I do the same now I love them all and treat them equally

Scrupulous fairness and openness is the only way with this one. Decide a total sum which you can afford and act accordingly. If you do that, you don't need to worry and you can enjoy the giving of gifts, which is as it should be!

I would put money in a card for them both.

It's so hard isn't it. I too have a step Granddaughter and just bought mine a teaching assistant course but we are closer and she's 17 and really wants to be a TA.
The thing is I'm 54 and remember being those ages and sadly as human nature does, I held grudges.
It's not Christmas yet, so when your there next, simply say hello Bill and Ben, I don't know you but wondered if you could tell me what your in to as Christmas is coming up and I'd prefer to get you something your use ...then you've asked and so long as they don't come back with lap tops ha your probably find they'll say a certain make clothing and you can get them a Hollister t shirt fur example .

Thanks for the helpful comments. The 13 and 14 year old will be spending the whole 2 weeks christmas holiday with their father hundreds of miles away, where they receive a lot of gifts from their dads side of the family. The last two christmases we have given them Amazon vouchers, which they were pleased with. Obviously the new baby will not even realise it is christmas this year. I think I will just do the same as previous years, giving some small gifts to the new baby too.

In your situation I would treat them all equally. This will prevent any bad feelings and maintain peace! It will please your son and that ' lovely girl'. Family unity is important , don't jeopardize that. I think that even if you don't see the two girls very often it is still a generous thought to include them equally when it comes to buying gifts.

I would be scrupulously fair, it will mean a lot to your daughter in law, even if the children aren’t really aware.
I could fault my mother in law for many things, but they always treated my eldest daughter exactly the same as the children I had with their son.
I can never think of a single occasion when they were treated differently, even in their wills, each child was treated exactly the same.
My daughter had a very close relationship with my in-laws, and I will always remember their kindness.

My son has two stepsons whom we have known since they were eleven and thirteen respectively. They are now adults. I hope we’ve always been generous with them for Christmas and birthdays, but they have paternal grandparents whose feelings have to be considered. We have one grandson by DD, and he is, naturally, the light of our lives, and we are his only grandparents so I make no apology for saying we don’t count the cost with him and probably never will.

We both have an equal amount of GC so cost wise, it's never been a problem. Even when it emerged that I was not allowed to see two of my OH GC - by orders of his ex - we still gave them gifts of equal value to the others. This stung at first but they've now reach adulthood and no longer qualify, other than for a birthday card.
My advice would be to divide your budget equally for Christmas and treat the new GC in other ways. That may sound underhand but it is difficult having a relationship with children we don't see often. Apart from that , do these their children have grandparents from their fathers side?

I wouldn’t necessarily rush in to buy step grandchildren anything to be honest, unless they became a huge part of my life. I personally, would talk to my son, and see what he thought about it. I would be worried about stepping on the toes of the other real grandparents.

Agree with Hithere, treat them equally.

Growing up, every Christmas I would be told that I would get less than my half brother (it was much less) because I would get presents from my father's side of the family, this didn't change year on year despite not getting very much at all. Some sweets maybe and some wrong size applecatcher knickers from my nan.

It might be hard to feel a strong bond towards step children but we should at least show they matter

Bibbity

What would you do if your children go onto have 2 more biological children?

Divide the money by the bigger number.

What would you do if your children go onto have 2 more biological children?

I would buy them all a universal gift card from the post office for the same amount each. They can all spend their card money in various places and choose what they want.

looking at the ages I don't think it really matters how much you spend on the 4 month old, she's very young and she'll probably prefer the wrapping paper. Ask the 13 and 14 year old if they would prefer a gift or money and if its money perhaps wrap a small gift for present opening time. Are you all going to be together on Xmas day? if so I would try to spend the same for them all with the exception of the baby-you can buy her things at other times.
Just one thing the 2 step GCs will be grown ups soon so you won't have that many Christmas's with them

Another consideration, given that the step-grandchildren are already teenagers, is do they have birth grandparents who might feel you were being a bit presumptuous in buying more than a token present for these children?
I think you need to consider their existing family's feelings and I'm sure you don't want to tread on any toes.
If you can, I think an honest and open conversation with your son's partner about what she feels is the best way forward would be a good idea.

It is not about the number of presents, monetary value, etc

It is about making them feel like family, that you thought of them and have included them in the traditions, no matter whose dna they have.

my daughter in law (not married yet but i think of her as that) has a son (12) and i treated him as a grandson even before they had a child together, i give him money for birthdays and christmas as he saves it to get things like more expensive trainers or something he wants and his mother and my son will pay half the cost, he has his dad but no grandparents alive, i will sometimes see something for the little one who is two but will still give the older one some money when i see him, he is part of my sons family and just as much my grandson as the little one is. the children are part of your sons family so please treat them the same, my mum always got a few extra gifts like toiletries for teenagers and would slip a fiver or tenner in with it along with a selection box, it is not the cost of the gift, it is the fact that you bothered to get them something.

(What other folk buy them is irrelevant too - to me. One grandson has five grannies (due to divorces/remarriages) so gets a lot of presents!)

Sophiasnana, I've always made a point of treating all the children exactly the same. Some are stepchildren, some we see far more of than others - I think that's irrelevant, they are all family - and fairness is very important, especially to children.

I don't think it matters who else buys for them.
The issue is to treat them all as if they're family, which they are, unless you're prepared for a lot of bad feeling.

To those of you who say that you would treat them 'exactly the same' you may need to consider that meaning that the step-GCs get double what your own GC gets!
It may not, but as so much depends on different circumstances, that is why an open conversation is needed.

It may also not matter much if the gifts are small - mid-priced, but many families rely on GPs for the computers, bikes, and other more expensive gifts.

Another compromise is to take the family out as a treat - to a Xmas show or similar, as a gift to them all.

I am an almost step-grandparent, and I buy presents for the partner's children. What I didn't realise last Christmas was that their teenage cousin was also there; I had bought nothing for him and neither had my son and wife; we felt dreadful although we were assured that he really didn't mind.
This Christmas we shall definitely have a gift ready, even if it is only money.