Table Manners

To a certain extent, I agree. My DGS's table manners are appalling. He is slowly improving, but it takes a lot of insistence and reinforcement. I think there is too much eating going on away from the table and not enough enforcement of using utensils. Better to nip bad habits in the bud now in my view.

Thank you Monica. I don't think I will bring it up directly but could drop it into the conversation at some point. Our family dynamic is good so it wouldn't cause a problem.

SewnSew, I obviously am not familiar with your family dynamic, but it is worth asking your DGS's parents whether they think her writing and knife holding skills may mean she has dyspraxia. They may not know of it, many people do not. Given her background, they are clearly loving and sensitive parents and would then hopefully investigate it.

I know I could mention something like that to my son and DiL without it causing problems, but I know not everyone can.

Thank you everyone for your help and advice. As a result we now know that the problem is almost certainly a physical one - we'd never heard of dysgraphia etc. Having Googled it and dyspraxia, we suspect the latter to be the case and will just hope that her parents and the school pick up on it. We have never had any intention of criticising either her or her parents, but merely wanted to know whether her struggle with cutlery was normal for a child of her age and what - if anything - we should be doing to gently help her.

I was taught from a very young age as were my 3 DD but it’s another story with my 5 DGC even though they study well. My 2 AC aren’t bothered so I hold my tongue.

Zoejory

I'm with you sewnsew

I taught all of my 4 children how to hold a life and fork correctly. They know the lay out of silver service.

I thought it important enough to learn.

Now my greandchidren are the same

@Zoejory

You would overrule the child's parents and force a young child to do something that may cause them pain or that they are unable to do because of a disability?

I have myself one of the conditions discussed above - Ehlers Danlos hypermobility syndrome - caused by a genetic collagen abnormality. Unfortunately I didn't get diagnosed until I was 54 despite being born with it which has resulted in permanent joint damage. When it is really bad trying to cut meat or write by hand causes pain through my wrist that is not unlike someone hammering a nail through my wrist.

That fact that she struggles to write means that it is likely not just a matter of teaching how to hold cutlery.

She could have mild dyspraxia, which affects fine motor movement. My whole school career was overhung by teachers trying to make my illegible writing legible.

It was only when DS had the same problem that both of us were finally diagnosed with dyspraxia.

I'm with you sewnsew

I taught all of my 4 children how to hold a life and fork correctly. They know the lay out of silver service.

I thought it important enough to learn.

Now my greandchidren are the same

My DGD2 has terrible handwriting, she is dyslexic.

I agree it is best to leave it to her parents who will know her abilities ( and difficulties) best. Our son ( with a similar difficult start) had very poor fine motor control - and generally uneven development. The most useful advice we got was to support our child in developing at his own speed.

I am sure it was hyper-mobility, Cold Thank you.
The boy did receive some specialist OT support which helped him and his parents.

I know several children who have had this issue because of a physical issue including my own DD1 who had specialist OT and Physiotherapy hand training when she was 10.

You seem to be suggesting that this is a behaviour issue but there are often medical reasons for this such as dysgraphia, a motor skill disorder or hypermobility/Ehlers Danlos syndrome. For DD1 it was a mixture of ASD, hypermobility and an unfortunate elbow fracture - she was unable to write more than 4 lines (because it hurt!) until she was 10 yet she was a regional level figure skater (hypermobility was an advantage there).

I would back off completely and leave it to the parents and school to work out the cause.

When I was teaching I encountered a child who had poor motor skills, difficulty with handling cutlery and dreadful handwriting.
His parents thought he was difficult and lazy; I didn't and suggested he was checked out by a doctor, who discovered a medical condition which mean his hands, and possibly his feet, were weak and caused him pain when he used them. I have searched on the internet but cannot find the name of this condition, sorry, but it may be worth this little girl being seen by a doctor to see if there is any physical cause.

Hello SewnSew is your granddaughter left handed? I am and and I recognise the things you are saying from my childhood. I could not hold a knife and fork well or a pen and pencil, my handwriting was awful and it still is! My Father was also left handed so there was no pressure on me to use my right hand (as He was made to do at school) Just a thought.

I can remember my mother standing behind me and holding my hands with the knife and fork to help me hold them correctly. I think this would help but, as others have said, you do need to be careful not to undermine the parents or let it be seen as criticism.

Why have you entitled your thread 'Table Manners'?

Your young granddaughter obviously has some problems with her fine motors skills - nothing to do with table manners!

I agree with ginny too.

ginny has put it succinctly.

It sounds like this is a larger issue. The school and her parents will monitor and work towards assistance.

I wouldn't bring this up at all. Ever, there may be things that they do not wish to disclose to anyone else.
Her history and medical issues may be private.

There could be a physical cause. If she struggles with writing as well maybe it’s a problem with manual dexterity. Perhaps you could encourage to try some craft or play, such as making beaded jewellery, that would involve using her fingers to create something fun.

Leave it to her parents and carry on loving her.

Excuse typos. "struggles to look comfortable".

She could have dysgraphia or some other learning disability. Some of these can also affect the ability to manage cutlery easily. Trying to pressure her could just lead to distress and her parents may opt to not eat with you anymore an you're wise not to. I get that it's hard to watch if you're not used to it. I know someone older than me that still struggles to look uncomfortable using cutlery (which they only do if socially necessary).