Right or wrong.

Good grief, of course you were right!! Bloody cheek. Did you raise him to be so entitled, or has he learnt it somewhere else? If it was anything other than grandchildren, that would be it for me. I wouldn’t want them to lose out though, just because they’ve got selfish parents.

Enjoy your days out. I’d have more of them now.

I agree with everyone else, what a rude and unpleasant man.
You certainly do your bit, he just sounds like a spoiled, jealous kid.

Edge26, never let them try to control you like that. You are not a doormat. It's time to stand your ground and demand some respect.

It may help to calmly write them a carefully worded letter - reminding them of all you willingly do to help, stating your boundaries and making it crystal clear that you have a right to your own, independent life.

You aren't wrong at all. I wouldn't want to put you at risk of getting a stomach bug in his position.

Is this unusual behaviour for him? Obviously he has said twice that you should put him first and he has no right to demand that but is there a time he should have come first and didn't?

I only ask because many people are under a great deal of stress right now, many people have developed depression and anxiety and other mental health problems and there is usually a reason, even if that reason is not something we understand, for most changes in behaviour.

Try to be patient and ask him where this is coming from and see if you can find out together why he is feeling like this.

Also though, you must protect yourself, set boundaries and stick to them.

MissAdventure

I know what my answer would be.
2 words, and the second one is "off!"

Mine too MissA - or a polite way would be telling them to Foxtrot Oscar

Oh no! Now the blackmail starts. What bullies they are.
Stand your ground. Their behaviour is unreasonable. Don't argue. It is beyond discussion. You make your own boundaries.
The ingratitude is astonishing - really.

I know what my answer would be.
2 words, and the second one is "off!"

After looking at all your comments about my post it made me feel so much better. Now I have another story.
After looking after my GS's today my Son had another go at me demanding that I always put him and my GS's first before anyone else and saying I don't care about my GS's. Even saying if I am out with any of my sister's I drop everything to see to their needs. He calls me selfish because I want to do want I want to do because I am retired. I am so angry I feel like washing my hands off him but if I did this I would lose my GS's. My DIL has now said that on the other days I don't look after my GS's then there will be no facetime or calls and if they want to speak to Nanny they can call her mom. That hurt me as none of her family ever come over to help out saying they live to far away( 25 miles ) .

It's rather like the situation at work. If you are never suddenly off sick, or otherwise unavailable, you are taken for granted - and others underestimate what you do.

One morning I seriously hurt my leg, when nearly there (rushing in) - and couldn't walk, but hopped in. The college nurse took me straight to hospital. Apparently, all hell broke loose - and I received a call about my 'unauthorised absence'!

Perhaps, Edge26, it's time to be unwell?

It shouldn't matter whether your partner is your son's father or not. He's grown, you have a life of your own. Even if you had no partner, you're under no obligation to take him.

I agree with all who say it is his problem. I may have offered to pay for a taxi in that instance to make it clear just how determined you are to enjoy your rare day out!

What a spoiled, self-indulged, ungrateful son you have! You did the right thing in going ahead with your plans for a day out. I help out with childcare for my DD's but they would never have behaved that way.
I hope he has had taken time and opportunity to think about his behaviour, acknowledge that you have a life of your own and apologise for behaving like a spoilt brat.
Incidentally, if the GC had a tummy bug why would you son think it was ok for you to be any where near him?

How rude of him. I bet that took the shine off your day out. You did the right thing. Why couldn’t the child’s mother have taken time off work?

I got the message very early on from my DML your child your responsibility. My own parents especially my father would drop anything to help. I had to be careful not to ask too much or take him for granted. We lived away so no child care not even when in hospital at Christmas with the second DH coped alone.'I didn't ask mine as there had been a death in the family.
My parents would offer to have them at their house or ours for us to have a weekend break no such offers from the other half.
In fact, after my FIL died she tried to get my father to ferry her around, my mother put a stop to that.
His child his responsibility he has to cope and you have a life of your own with your OH. Make it plain would they change their plans for you? Probably not, care and kindness is a two-way thing.

I agree with Franbern you cannot and should not be available at the drop of a hat to help out, you do have your own life Edge . When things have settled down its time to have a chat with your son and clarify exactly what you are prepared to do.

I know who the selfish one is here Edge26 and it’s not you. Your son acted like a spoilt child. He was totally wrong. It does sound like he is jealous of your dh and all his resentment spilled out. I hope it didn’t spoil your day out too much. We all want to help our children even when they are grown up but they must accept we are entitled to lives of our own, and they must live up to their own responsibilities.

Do hope you has a lovely day out.
Problem can become that the more you do to help adult children, the more you are expected to do. So your son, is just seeing you as always there whenever he feels he has need of you.
You need to make it very, very clear that, although you are happy to help out on occasions, you and your OH have your own lives to lead - and, except in real major emergencies - that takes priority.
I had a friend who always dropped any arrangement if one of her AC suddenly needed her help. Result was that she ended up with very few friends of her own, and no life of her own. Not appreciated at all by AC. They were always nicer and politer to me than they were to her.
The occasional 'Sorry - no can do', is an excellent reminder that you have done your part in child-rearing and are now carrying on with you life. Their children, their responsibilities.

I hope you had a nice day out, and I hope on the way you went round and gave as you as you got! You didn’t deserve that and if you don’t get an apology, pull the shutters down on the rest of your commitment to them until he shows some contrition.

Another entitled adult child.
Tell him to get a taxi.

Wow. His audacity and entitlement is very very overinflated honestly I would call him and read him the riot act. Put him in his place.

Let him know that their very privileged and comfortable childcare arrangement is solely by your kindness and good grace. And should it not be appreciated he can shove it where the sun doesn't shine.

I also agree with that expression you are not his staff . You are entitled to a pleasant day out . It’s surprising how quickly kind offers of help become routine and taken for granted. Hope you managed to enjoy your day after that !

just woke up,
Yes, OH is not his father ( his real father passed away many years ago ) , so what you mentioned is probably correct.

Grandmabatty

Of course you weren't wrong to say you had plans. Your son did back down later though and presumably was stressed in the morning,so I would be inclined to forget this.

I can’t see anything in the OP about him backing down, Grandmabatty.

I can only agree with others on here - your DS is out of order and welbeck puts it so well - You are not his staff.

You are not in the wrong.

As Wellbeck so rightly said - you are not his staff.

His children and his responsibility.

How dare he speak to you in this manner. I am angry to think that adult children are so entitled.

You are not in the wrong. Many of us didn’t have Grandparents on tap to look after our children at the drop of a hat.
We managed and either took time off work, got taxis or had a plan B in place.