5 year old melt down

I'm surprised we're not seeing even more behaviour like this. Everyone is under pressure due to Covid and that applies to little children just as much as adults - maybe even more. We need to cut them some slack. Maybe remove breakable items, though!
Sounds as though dad dealt with it pretty well.

Poor child.

Moving is stressful, on top of the pandemic

His father managed it in a way you clearly do not approve of (he did well, btw)
Whether it was the right or wrong way, there is nothing you can do.

He's just moved house - there is probably a lot of confusion that he does not know how to express.

I would be telling his Dad how well he did to stay calm and to deal with it so sensibly.

Your DGS may well be feeling insecure having moved house. There will have been quite an upheaval before the move and possibly for a fair while. He will also be missing out on contact at school, maybe not able to burn off energy as normal. Speaking about what happened once he has calmed down will be the only way to try to understand his actions but don't put too much store in him being able to express. He should just be told what the boundaries are, what to do if he is feeling like breaking/throwing stuff (tell an adult). Give him time.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

My 4 year old GD has started having tantrums, mainly in shops when she wants her own way. She has recently been away on holiday, then had to stay at home, just as she was due to start Kindy, because of a Covid scare (Western Australia) She has now left her daycare, and all her friends, and started at Kindy. So many changes in her little life. It’s no wonder that she can’t cope, or find words to express her jumbled emotions.
In a little while she will, we hope, have settled into her new routine, and made new friends. The meltdowns will then, we hope, cease.

This is not acceptable behaviour for a 5 year old. Yes. These are horrible times. All children are struggling to a certain extent. I have 6 young grandchildren, one of whom is 5. There is no way my daughter and son in law or my son and daughter in law would tolerate such appalling behaviour. After wrecking the meccano there would have been stern words and an insistence on an apology. Unless the child has diagnosed behavioral or developmental problems accepting such behaviour doesn't bode well for the future. I'm an ex infant and primary school teacher. I fear for his teachers when he returns to school.

The answer to his behaviour is in your first sentence
My daughter has recently moved house
Your DGS is one of those children that doesn't adapt to change easily as it makes them very insecure. Some children follow the bereavement process of anger, tearfulness etc etc. My DD was like this when we moved house and school, and also when we were planning holidays. We decided to not tell her about one camping holiday, just packed the car, collected her from school, and told her we we're off camping. No tantrums, broken nights etc it worked well.
One of my DGC is moving school next week and is displaying the same behaviour as your DGC.
Best to keep calm, don't mention the new house unless they do, and remove anything he's breaking, take somewhere to calm down as your son did.
It's insecurity but it will pass.
HTH xxxx

If it helps any my DGS has similar. I read an interesting fact in Steve Biddulph’s excellent book ‘ Raising Boys’ that the gland that produces testosterone in puberty undergoes changes about 5 years of age and that this may cause temper in boys of that age.

There's lots of wise advice on here Cher69. The combination of new house, anxiety etc may have a lot to do with it. As the Dad handled it so well, it makes me wonder if these tantrums occur regularly and you just haven't seen a bad one before? I don't want to sound doomy and gloomy but if these meltdowns are frequent, something else may be going on.

I agree with Jillybird's suggestion that it might be a bit more complicated. Having a granddaughter on the autistic spectrum, I know that changes are very hard to handle for these children. The anxiety builds up and explodes even though everything may seem all right on the surface.

My views were expressed very well by Milliedog
We expect the occasional tantrum from two year olds, but at five?
Especially as there didn’t seem to have been any reason for it.

This little boy was obviously very upset by something but he is 5 not a toddler as was said. He should have a good use of language unless he has additional needs and even if grandad did deny the boy the fun of building or even helping with the model he should have Ben able to express himself.
As an aside if you are in U.K. why were you having a happy family ( until this incident ) day during lockdown ?

The child's father dealt with this tantrum by taking the child to bed. Not saying anything was very wise, as the child would not have listened or be able to listen at the time.

Obviously this treatment worked as the child came downstairs twenty minutes later quite calm.

Or have I misunderstood? Was it the father who came downstairs again and said nothing?

Either way, your grandson is going through a phase right now, It could be due to the move or any amount of other things.

All you need to do, is to ask your daughter how she and your son-in-law want you to tackle a similar tantrum if one occurs when you are alone with the child.

Ask as casually as possible, so they don't feel you are criticising.

The little one may only allow himself to behave like this at home. If not, and you have no guidelines from his parents, pop him into the hall or a passageway and close the door in to where you are until he calms down.

You might want to make quite sure that there isn't anything he can hurt himself on in whatever place you choose.

Sounds fairly normal.

No it doesn't, for a five year old to behave in this way, unless there is more to his history.

www.theworks.co.uk/p/kids-colouring-books/hello-happy-anxiety-workbook/9781783708994.html

These books work well for getting children to open up on what is worrying or upsetting them. DD found them useful in her job with children dealing with anxiety on varying levels.

DS used to have meltdowns because I wouldn’t buy cat food. He didn’t/doesn’t seem to have a particular affinity to cats and we didn’t have one. He also pulled all his bedcovers off once and threw toys around. I told him to let me know when he had tidied up and then we could have a talk.

I agree with milliedog. Unless the child has some underlying medical problems this is not ‘normal’ behaviour for a five year old. I too, feel very sorry for the teacher who will have to cope with this kind of behaviour and try to ensure the safety of all the children in his/her class.

No need to over-think this. Kids have meltdowns. Sounds like this one was handled well enough.

I expect there are a lot of us at the moment that are often on the brink of a meltdown. But we aren't 6, and have the emotional experience that tells us how to get ourselves under control and not bite a passerby.
His dad sounds amazing and knew just what to do. I agree with the advice on here, and think you need to look at the run up to the tantrum. Were there signs that he was getting frustrated, and could you have done anything to head it off.
We have been looking after our 5 year old GS since schools closed, and although no tantrums, there are definitely times when he
' goes past himself' as my mum used to say. We have a corner with cushions, soft toys and a crochet blanket, where he can go and snuggle up, even punch poor old bagpuss if he feels like it. His place, his terms, somewhere he feels safe and maybe designed himself.
I remember seeing a chill out tent once in a primary school , which they said worked for some of their pupils. Teachers were keen to use it too, but had a comfy corner in the staff room.

I have 6 year old grandchildren. One is charming and well behaved most of the time the other is currently refusing with a great big ‘no’, screaming and shouting and throwing things about. I’m quite concerned. However, at school she is well behaved and liked by her teachers. We’ve currently put it down to lockdown, home schooling etc. but I do have my doubts. We have to just wait and see if this behaviour passes. She has always been more volatile than her sister.

Just now everyone is feeling the lack of socialising so maybe your grandson is just very unsettled with all the changes and it will pass. Some younger children have far less self control than others but not getting sucked in and shouting is definitely the way to go. We just stop the child destroying things. It’s all so very difficult

A “good hiding” is/was often more about the parent getting out their frustration on a child.

I’m glad today’s parents have mostly moved beyond hitting a child out of frustration.

Basically, adults having their own temper tantrum!

Am I the only one to think this is abnormal for a 5 year old? Acceptable in a 2 year old but there is more going on here. I’d be watching this little man very carefully, including who he is with, what he is eating and watching (as others have mentioned). I’d see this as a cry for help and a serious issue. Please don’t ignore it.

Summerlove
Hear hear

Oh my goodness. What a lot of people who know best! Poor boy - obviously a lot going on in his life that he’s finding difficult to handle. Well done to you DIL for his cool and calm way of handling it. Like one of the other contributors, I too am a retired teacher and headteacher and I don’t think his behaviour was unreasonable in these extraordinary times. His father did just the right thing. He didn’t need to say anything or explain. He dealt with the situation in a very mature and emotionally intelligent way. If only more parents behaved similarly. I do understand your concerns for how you would manage the situation if you were looking after the child and think you should have a chat with him to see if he can give you any guidance or advice. I do hope all goes well for you and your family.

In this case, the father was right. Take him upstairs, lie him on his bed and talk quietly or sit in silence until it stops.

Blubelle I was thinking just what you wrote.

I really cant believe some of the comments I have 3well adjusted adult son never did any of them behave like this wee boy and never once did my husband or I raise our hands to them sounds to me he's a spoiled little brat