Family conflict

I am in exactly this position with dd and dil. I love them both but they are very different and have never really recovered from a horrible row a couple of years ago which the whole family got pulled into. We all live close by to each other and the girls are civil but at every family get together I am on tenterhooks in case things kick off again. I wish it wasn’t this way, and it’s easy to say don’t get involved etc but I can’t help but feel anxious.

I feel as if my 'mother' job is done. My children are now adults so I limit my worrying. I enjoy their company and the love and affection I receive from my grandchildren is priceless.

They all know that I'm here and will help if I possibly can. Basically, though, their problems are their own - either to solve or learn to live with.

My daughters do find one of my DILs 'difficult to get along with' 'very hard work' etc. but I've told them to make allowances and make a big effort to stay in touch and meet up.

After all, it benefits all the children to have that close relationship with their cousins. The children's future is far more important than petty squabbles, unkind remarks or hurt feelings.

I am friendly and close with them all, encourage them to visit, take care to be neutral and never criticise. If any complain about another, I'll point out the other's point of view and any potential problems/difficulties they may have. I won't be drawn into bitching about them - very important!

Wise words Yehbutnobut.
Important not to effuse (if that’s the right word) about the forthcoming baby with the others, or could create a different sort of tension. Obviously be happy for the parents-to-be.

Daughter and DiL very often don’t get and I can find myself piggy in the middle. I make sure I never enter into any criticism of one by the other but do pass on anything nice they (very occasionally) say about each other.

Re the forthcoming GC. Be excited for and with the new parents. Say little to the other couple just focus on their own life and achievements instead.

I wouldn't stress about it too much Grills just because people are related by marriage doesn't mean they have to be best friends. Don't push things too much and just enjoy their company separately. Congratulations on the new baby.

My DD and my DiL are very different and not the best of friends but they are civil to each other when they are together.
My DS and DiL have 2 children and my DD and SiL like to travel and have no children but they do still see one another occasionally.