Ungrateful family

I'm an adult daughter and would never dream of doing that to my mom. Your kids need to get their sh** together. Don't be a martyr. You seem very frazzled and exhausted. Stop cooking and lie down. Start sharing out duties. The house needs to run like a well oiled machine with their help or they have to get out. Money is also required from them, even if it's just a token.

UNGRATEFUL WRETCHES, for goodness sake SAY SOMETHING

OP,

Are you doing all this (cooking, taking care of dog, etc) because they are asking you or it is assumed it won't get done unless you do it?

Example: lunch - nobody is getting up to prepare lunch 15 minutes before lunchtime so you do it

janxxx is spot on, however I would add, the next time they find fault tell them where the door is if they want to be critical.
And tell them if they stay they must pay rent and your not their maid. They will walk all over you if you let them. You owe them nothing.

people treat you the way you let them, call a meeting, and tell them your house your rules, tell them what your happy with doing and what gets on your nerves, if they dont like it show them all the door,

Gonegirl " And do nothing for the dog"......It's not the dogs fault it's there!

Jura2
Do you mean skivvy? As in slave
Or squiffy? As in drunk?

I would not do any of it for any of them. They are adults, should be looking after you. You need to stand your ground here and point out all you have said here. Good luck!

You're running round like crazy with everyone totally taking you for granted but you still continue to do it. Unless you make some changes and start putting yourself first then everyone is going to continue treating you like a mug. People very often exploit the kindness of others and see no reason to stop. Only you can change the situation.

I would do what I could for the dog and the baby, they can’t look after themselves, but every one else should be made to pull their bloomin’ weight!

Suggest making a rota for everyone and everything! Use Christmas as a reason if you don’t want to tell them outright. It’s a ‘busy time of year’ and you all have things to do, places to go, people to see! Need to share rather burden!

I once shut myself in the bathroom with a cup of tea and magazine when my children were quite young, because they were driving me potty. "Please come out, mum. We'll be good," they said. It was so much easier when they were younger! You should say you have plans for the morning and go out for a nice coffee at the very least, before they expect you to cook breakfast too. Then you can gather your thoughts, and tell them how things are going to be.

Hi, you know that you are being taken advantage of.
It will continue if you don’t change something.
We can not expect others to read our minds and if you’ve put up with it up to now, they don’t know it’s a problem.
Don’t wait until you’re annoyed.
Tell them while you are in good spirits but be firm.
“This is how it makes me feel”
No pointing the finger or personal remarks just focus on their behaviour.
Explain how you would like it to change.
..and move on.
Good luck. ?

Two words: Rota and Budget!

Sit them down in a 'marvellous, let's get ourselves organised"' way, and have a list of tasks and costs, with a weekly chart. Make sure that each is taking on a fair amount, that it doesn't all fall to you. If they start trying to evade their share, point out that you do not have unlimited time or energy, nor can you afford it. Play the 'old lady' card if necessary.

They probably have no idea how hard you're working or how much you're giving - people rarely do. This will quantify it for them in a pretty inescapable way.

Leave your iPad open at this page....and make sure they all see it!

Think you should state that whilst you are willing to help out you are not going to be serving them hand and foot. The infiltrators need to sort out a schedule that suits all and enables you and DP to continue your life as near as possible. It's a known problem, parents continue to think AC are still their responsibility when responsibility lies with the AC. Firm but fair.

You haven’t given enough information here for anyone to properly answer you.

How long are they all staying?
Why do you need to bail them out financially?
Do they all work and if not why not?
Why isn’t your partner supportive?

Whatever the answers, it’s time to issue an ultimatum by giving them a couple of months to find alternative accommodation.

You must stick to it though, however hard that is.

Perhaps you should do just that! Leave them a note saying that you feel downtrodden and under appreciated and that you’ve gone away for 2 nights and will back on Monday (or whatever)

Don’t do this. It’s so passive aggressive.

You need to use your words and tell your family what’s bothering you. Take a time out if you need one, but talk to them first

To be clear is to be kind.

Can you afford a bottle of gin? It wasn't called mother's little helper for nothing.

DON'T keep acting as the house slave. Make yourself less available. There are FIVE adults in your house, make sure they all participate in food preparation, i.e. you do the spuds, the sprouts, tidy away etc. and do NOT let mum of the baby use the baby as an excuse for anything. Then close your purse and stop subsidising them, allowing them to live above their means. Teach them all how to manage on less, instead. Even my son with severe learning difficulties can help me in the kitchen, so I don't see why your lot can't do more!

Don't take this as anything but well meant, but you will only ever be treated as you will let others treat you!

I made sure from day dot with my family, that they knew I had had a rough start to life until I hit my twenties, I was everyones doormat, I was miserable, put-upon, felt unloved and unworthy as family just saw me as someone to dump on, so, I told them (smiling and with lots of cuddles!) that for the rest of my life I would dedicate myself to making them happy and loved, but only if they promised to do the same with me! :-)

Happily, they understand that if people treat me well, help me out, love me lots & don't expect me to do everything and are grateful then they get sweet lovely Mags, however, anyone takes the mickey, or shows one inch of being ungrateful for the things I do, then it stops. No ifs, no buts, we are a family, we work together or I'm on strike!

I hope you have the strength to fight back a bit and enjoy your grandchildren, you'd be lost without them. x

Thank you Xgran for starting this thread and for all you other GNers for your energetic input! I’m in a not dissimilar situation where I’m being taken for granted, pushed to the limit and treated rudely and disrespectfully. The other three Grandparents of course are feted and have quality family time. The final straw is being left on my own on Christmas Day whilst the other Grandparents have everyone (even my single son!) It’s a big ‘ouch’ but definitely a turning point. I’ve flagged up that I am not happy with the situation, but nothing has changed. Time to stop being a doormat and possibly move away as, although it’s not what I was hoping for, it’s probably going to be the best solution if I’m to keep any shred of self respect. I think we will all lose out, but behaviours have to have consequences and, as Monica points out, I’ve probably been far too patient.

Xrgran ; of course you need to vent on here, in fact I am not surprised you are not doing anything else perhaps like packing a few bags for the adult children and telling them to go and stand on their own two feet and let you and husband have your home back.
How long do they all intend staying? I ask because I have been through the same and my son and his partner would never have left until they were given a deadline by myself, I could never get into the bathroom in mornings loud music coming from their bedroom, and while I kept everything tidy and cooked all they had to do was a bit of part-time work then off to the gym and out on Friday evening. The things that bugged me were when they would come in on Saturday afternoon with a take-away and offered me nothing and my son moaning when the dog barked at the door at post-man etc; and said she made too much noise he wanted a lie in. All this and at the same time I had to run around after adult daughter who constantly whinged she could not cope with her two children.
I made a stand against it and they moved out oh what bliss to have a quiet home well that is when the dog stops barking at postman/postlady haha.
Seriously you need a break or else you will suffer bad health and do you know something you will not see adult children there to take care of you. Look after yourself hope things get easier.

I once read a good saying: GRANDCHILDREN- God's reward for not killing your kids!
I hope things are calming down a bit now but the next time ANYONE criticises the way you are doing anything I would definitely hand the job over to them!

Selfish 'spongers' I think and the poor dog is just another victim of their selfishness. Tell them to 'make their own lives and mistakes', you have your own life to live!