Retirement Blues

I retired last October and immediately had to look after DD2 baby (long story - domestic abuse , drugs debt due to ex) as she had to go back to work when he was 7 months. have him twice a week or 4 times if childminder on holiday - 7 till 6 and now she has to do shifts! DD1's children once or twice a week 7 till 5 so actually busier now and up earlier than when working! Apparently it means we will be active and healthier longer! Go to toddler group and book bug now rather than out with DH - still have some lovely unforgettable moments.

Baraliam I know how you feel, I should have retired 18 months ago. I don’t think I could face every day of trivial pursuits. I’m lucky I love my job so it’s ok

Baraliam, you are not alone. I dislike retirement and often feel bored and demotivated. Like other supposedly happy life events people say ‘O lucky you’ when you retire but it’s not that straightforward for everyone. I’ve tried all sorts of activities without finding ones that have the same meaning as my work did. I don’t want a passive existence but nor do I want to fill my time with trivial pursuits. It’s such a personal thing, what has meaning for you. Good luck. I hope you find it.

Baraliam, there is nothing wrong with airing your thoughts that something doesn't feel quite right.

"get a grip" and " join the U3A" are not particularly helpful in my opinion.

The situation is more nuanced and subtle than that. Is there some sense of loss.....of your youth/children/friends/job/activities? Might it be worth talking things through with a professional?

I like Jane's tip about some structure in the week , and the weekends being different. It's hard to push yourself if you feel a bit low though.

I think I maybe outlived my 'usefulness to society' a long while ago. Never particularly think of myself as selfish but I now think I'm reaping the rewards of all those years when I was 'useful'. I still pay taxes. Is that useful, perhaps?

When I retired from paid employment, just before my 70th birthday, I thought I had prepared for it well. I was still carrying out some volunteer duties for a sporting body -which mainly involved things at weekends. So< I threw myself into having a busy life, delivered meals on wheels once a week, joined U3A, a reading group, knitting circles, etc. Did have a short stint at a charity shop. One of my main aims at the start was to try to build new friendships. Unfortunately, my closest two friends had died around the time I retired. Found that although I made many aquaintences, no new friends. Perhaps it was to do with me, but I do feel that friendships are based so much on shared experiences and memories.
As time went on, I had to give myself a good talking to and revise my expectations. For the first few years I was also looking after my g.daughter for a couple of days each week as in (single) Mum worked.
My health has deteriorated over the past few years, and some thing (which I had put off, meaning to do - eg: London Walks), became an impossibility. It also means that I do not feel it would be fair for me try to do anything that involves a regular time-slot.
I do try to have something most days to work round, a knitting group, coffee discussion group, going to the supermarket, etc. but I must say that I really feel I have outlived my usefulness to society.

Baraliam, please do not waste any more time. I retirement you are responsible for creating your own good health and living a happy life. However as time goes on your health is less certain due to genetics and ageing. You are so lucky youare free to decide how to spend your time. Just imagine at the end of your life telling your grand children what you did and what you contributed.

Work probably did everything you needed to get going, got you out out of bed in the morning, structured your time and gave you colleagues to socialise with. Now its all up to you. So get a routine going on a day to day basis whilst having some things to look forward to such as holidays or day trips.

Advice from the internet is:

Stay in Shape. Keeping active as you age not only helps your physical health, but your mental well-being as well. ...
Be Social. ...
Develop a Schedule. ...
Keep on Working at something you enjoy...
Give Back. ...
Hit the Classroom, learn something new

Good luck, start now, create a life plan and get going before its too late.

Baralium - I have been retired about the same length of time as yourself, and although I keep busy with charity work etc., I would much rather be at work any day of the week, where I felt valued. I do wish you well.

That's just so disgusting, about time it was either abolished or greatly increased. It's an insult to pensioners.

Help with uniformed organisations always appreciated, even just some weeks...you would be appreciated as a Unit Leader in Rainbows or Brownies. Cooking, sewing, knitting, craft...whatever really. Attending as able, no uniform, would have to have DBS though. Would be arranged for you.

If you are bored, it is probably because you are fit and not ready to slow down all that much.

Depending on where you live there is almost bound to be something you could do, either voluntary work, or a part time job, become an extra Grandma to some child whose own grandparents live far away.

I hope you find something enjoyable and fun to do.

Just think you can look forward to having a pension increase of 25 pence per week if you reach the grand old age of 80. I do believe this was introduced in 1971 at that rate. So much for inflation.

Don't retired people say they don't know how they ever found time to go to work? I retired eight years ago as well, and although I enjoyed my job for many years, it's nice not to have to work for my money any more.

So jealous of anyone retired. I am like Phantom12 and others on here who have had our working life increased (mine by 6 years)
I am nearly 63 and still working full time, often in pain with arthritis, very tired and worn out.
I just cannot stand the thought of working this hard for another 3 years until I get my state pension. So DH and I have decided to sell our guest house (at a large financial loss) and move to a cheaper area so that we can retire now.
Hope it happens soon.

I was a lecturer in London and so very glad to retire - although like others, have to wait another four years for my state pension, which was totally unexpected. My savings are running out and at 62 I am selling my house to increase my finances.

I didn't enjoy my initial retirement because my husband became ill, and we had to forget our future plans to travel. He had atrial fibrillation as well as COPD, and we determined to make the most of our life, just living quietly. He had worked away such a lot he hadn't had a chance to enjoy the local attractions here, so we explored NT and EH properties that he'd never had a chance to visit, going to the summer plays etc. He was open to using a buggy at golf, and continued to enjoy it a great deal. His long term diagnosis was assisted breathing in a hospice - we thought we had about ten years. He had a childhood dream of going to India, which we did in March 2016.
We did the trip with Shimla and he couldn't breathe there, the air was too thin - several other people with a fib also suffered. We were only there for two days, but his feet swelled and were painful. He felt better when we returned and in the May went on his normal week's golf holiday in Portugal with his friends. Upon return he wasn't feeling well but put it down to an uncomfortable bed there - shockingly he died three days later of a cardiac arrest whilst mowing our lawn. I never expected him to die, and still have trouble accepting he has gone.

I've been left with much reduced circumstances in a large house with large bills that needs constant maintenance. I'm finally on the market after a lot of hard work and after three years, have realised I am happiest when travelling.

My daughter asked me to accompany her on a volunteering holiday abroad last year and after much research we went to South Africa to a wildlife rehabilitation centre. The work was very physical and I thought I was going to drop a few times - it was 38 degrees - but being so purposeful with the baboons and vervets that were there gave me such a feeling of happiness.

I do think volunteering is the answer to my feeling of loss and a good use of my 'free time'. The nicest thing for me was that a couple of the young volunteers there said that they would now ask their Mum to accompany them, as they'd seen that my daughter and I got along so well.

When I move house I hope to find something where I'm needed - whether it's a donkey sanctuary or a charity shop. I find that having company does cheer me.

I hope you find something that makes you happy

go and work in a charity shop. its fun you meet lots of peopleand it gets you out the home.
.

. .well said Phantom12 . . same here it's a disgrace how "we" have been treated after all our working life . . no pension . . no bus pass . . and work until we drop . . .I'm determined to live to 120 to make up for it!!!

Baralium...... try U3A. It might be just the thing for you But then again I hate retirement.

I love being retired but I am lucky that DH is still working with a long way to go as he is a good bit younger than I am.
If he works at home I see what is awaiting me- constant requests for coffee, a mess everywhere & moaning if I have music or radio on 'too loud'. Plus 'where are you going NOW!' Out is the answer- I have a lot of things that I enjoy- yoga, dance class, drama club, picking up GC from school-even just coffee or lunch with friends.
As he has no outside interests I foresee a lot of problems once he is home for good but I have about 10 years yet!

Phantom12 I agree it's ok if your fit but I. 59'with health problems looking after young children dreading the next few years!

Just spent an hour delivering leaflets, voluntarily, for the local elections...meet loads of people...say good morning etc.. lots of lovely fresh air...do it in my own time...have volunteered in many guises over the years but enjoy this.

My week is sorted as long as it has a couple of injections of socialising. This can be as simple as a coffee with someone or - my favourite - a leisurely lunch in a new venue. Other than those, I can find plenty to amuse myself with around the house and now that the gardening season is upon us my pleasure will be found outside. I do turn my hand to a bit of DIY but basic domestication is shunned until a visitor is coming. Shame on me, eh?! I was pretty late in retiring because I enjoyed my work. Absolutely love this wonderful freedom.

While still working I was a DJ for hospital radio. There are other things to do in hospitals. Going round to get requests in the wards, helping raise money and running the hospital shop or taking a trolley with stuff round to wards and departments. Might you enjoy that? The friends of the hospital are usually nice people.

I think its about being interested and interesting. Interested in things that are going on in the world will keep you as a person interesting. Therefore not bored. Keeping physically active and involved in yourself, your family, your community and whatever else interests you. That's the thing about retirement you can please yourself with your time. I would spend it wisely.

My friends who have retired think it's great, and I can't wait to join them! - no morning alarm, doing what I choose to do, plenty of time to fit in all the usual obligations (doctor, dentist etc.)