How to help DGS

My DGD is very much like your DGS. She is also a twin and had great difficulty transitioning to senior school. She has had anxieties and OCD traits too. My DD paid to see a specialist because appointments for CAMHS take forever and she is now on medication but has now been seen a couple of times by CAMHS. Push for the school to refer to CAMHS who hopefully will be able to help.

Cubs and Scouts is a wonderful suggestion but unless you are very lucky it will be difficult to join. In my area getting into Cubs is harder than getting a place at Eaton and you might need to sell a kidney to get in. The reason is a shortage of leaders as it is purely a voluntary organisation. However it is a very bonding group giving huge activity opportunities and is bonding and confidence building. Your lad migh we’ll thrive in that set up Nandalot.

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Sorry to hear about your GS. May. I suggest practicing socialising in other environments. For example getting him to pay the bill in restaurants and cafes, ordering for himself. At playcentres practice making friends with him so he knows how to say hello and ask to play with other children. Also keep him busy with outside interests so he builds his confidence. Invite other children to tea and on play dates . Hope this is helpful it worked for my children .

Nandalot Oh football it's the nightmare, dealing with boys who develop at a very early age (often egged on by their parents) a seriously competitive attitude to it, which means they won't let boys who aren't good be on their team. It needs a concerted effort by the school to promote football is for all, and sometimes it can be competitive, but other times everyone shoud be involved including children with disabilities.

Has he been assessed by an educational psychologist?
Ask the school for a referral- they’ll probably say no as they won’t have the money, if you can afford it then I suggest you get a private assessment, this will help you get a EHCP, which a parent can apply for themselves.

Lots of advice here. Trisher, the school is being brilliant. GS on SEN list and DD has met with SEN and teacher and I think this is to be termly. The bench and the buddy system seem good ideas so will mention to DD as well. (She is a governor). It is a small school . I know the supervisors keep an eye out. Some of the not playing is a bit subtle. i.e. he was made a ‘manager’ of the football teams at lunch time by one of the boys i.e. not allowed to play. He soon cottoned on and was upset about it.
mumofmadboys, I think I will suggest this to DD as the anxiety issues have become more pronounced of late.

I think it is worth going back to the GP and asking for a referral to CAMHS ( Child and Adolescent mental health service) for an assessment. This is sometimes organised through the school nurse. Keep pushing for him to be seen and assessed. Let us know how things go.

I wonder if joining the Cub Scouts might be helpful to him? Perhaps being with other youngsters outside the school or home, in an environment which is fun and interest based, along with being well supervised, would help him to join in in with the others and forget about the things that bother him. Might be worth a try. It could well lead onto other things, such as weekend activity camps, rallies and so on. I am a great believer in the Scout movement.

Nandalot even if further referral has been refused (and you might want to appeal about that) your DGS should have an Individual Education Plan if he has been identified as needing extra help. If he hasn't got one I think his parents should ask for one. Basically it sets out what his problems are, gives targets to help him improve and says what strategies will be used to help him do this. It should be discussed with his parents and updated at least every half term. So if he is shy with adults one target might be to get him to talk to other school staff and widen his circle. It might be done by sending him and another child with messages to someone.
As far as playing and surviving without his sister, lots of twins have this when one of them is more sociable/bossy than the other. Does his school have a ' play ground buddy' system?' A small group of children wearing special hats/vests are there to play with lonely children. Schools sometimes have a special bench as well where you can sit if you want someone to play with you. If there isn't one of these you could talk to the head about it.
I sometimes think GCs are more worrying than our own children! Good luck

My son had fine motor and more general muscular uncoordination and was diagnosed as dyspraxic. He was given a specialised exercise regime, which helped, plus once he had access to a keyboard the writing problems became irrelevant.

He did not however have the other problems. Has your DGS had a SEND assessment, which I think should be organised through the school. Either way find out how to apply for him to be assessed by an educational psychologist.

Thank you for your replies, Teetime and Ellen. I am pleased that music has proved a godsend for your DGS, Teetime, my DGS is learning the baritone but I don’t think that will be the answer!
Ellen, I hope your GGS gets his appointment soon.

One of my GGS is similar Nandalot. It's since he joined the " bigger " school from primary, at the age of 11. He's a twin but his sister is okay. They're both 13 in June and he now attends school 2 or perhaps 3 days a week with no pressure on him to attend.

Last November I went to see his class teacher because I was worried about him and stated that I thought he was overwhelmed by the size of the school as he's already a bit on the sensitive side and all the pupils too had an impact on him.

He was then sent to a purpose-built centre which specialises in children and young adults with disabilities. He enjoys going there on the days he doesn't attend school as he can speak to a trained teacher/youth worker in a one to one situation as those there are in the same boat and of a nervous disposition.

I would say that my GGS has a mild form of autism but waiting for an appointment to see a professional is a long process. For all I know he may have seen a psychologist in school as there are some things which remain confidential unless it's with the child's parent. This being the reason for the sporadic school attendance.

Oh dear I can see you are worried. Hopefully the other Grasnetters who have been employed in a professional capacity will be able to help more than me. All I can say is my GS did similar things but has over time learnt to manage some of his own anxieties although he is still quiet and doesn't speak up, hates crowds etc and has a few phobias(he is nearly 14). His help has come through music finding out he is musical has done wonders for his confidence and for his street cred at school (plays a mean guitar now). I hope you get some help with your GS and that he is given help to find something that he can enjoy.