Frequency of visiting grandchildren

Is this a new phenomenon ... my parents never made appointed times and dates they saw my children when we were around and didn’t when we weren’t and exactly the same happens with my children and grandchildren There are no formal ‘you may see them twice a month’ etc etc That seems very alien to my idea of families
My way would be ‘are you around on Tuesday if I pop over to see you and the kids’ if the answers ‘no’ fine, they’re busy if the answers ‘yes’, great go but don’t outstay your welcome
All very strange now

I see Newmom has said much the same as me - we must have posted at same time but hers got there first!

Suzigran - I think fortnightly visiting is too often, now that family have 3 children. I would visit less often - maybe at least a month or 6 weeks between visits, but stay a bit longer (if that's OK with other son you stay with).

Like many here, my grandchildren (2 and 3 now) live in another country. We see them around 4 times a year, but for a week at a time. Oldest one used to be very shy with us, but is fine now - younger one is more outgoing anyway. One set of grandparents of our own children lived abroad -very far - so children only saw them at most every couple of years, but still built a good relationship as they got older.

It sounds like you have a fairly fixed fortnightly arrangement for visits - perhaps you could start by making it more flexible. Current arrangement may not really suit parents who you say are both working and have busy lives and they may be too polite to say so, even though you obviously do a lot to help.

I have an 18 month old and we see my parents every 2 weeks and DPs parents every 3/4 weeks (he arranges it like that, not me). With working, toddler groups, visiting both sets of grandparents, siblings on both sides and friends, and trying to get some time out just us and DD, we are constantly busy. We just don't have more time. I suspect your son and DIL are the same. I think being some distance away makes it harder as well. My parents are over an hours drive away, we can't just pop in after work or school during the week.

I think you're overthinking it though. Some kids are just shy. DDs shy when she first sees anyone, be it her grandparents or the nursery staff she spends 3 days a week with. Its something he will probably grow out of, he won't be 10 and still shy when he first sees you.

But why did you feel the need to ask your DIL how often you should visit when your GS was first born? That would really put me off having someone visit, if they excepected a set visiting schedule. It's better to just go with it, see when you're all free, rather than expecting set visits.

Also, you say it must be easier with a daughters children but have just said your DILs mother sees the children less than you do, so that's obviously not always the case!

I think that the hope of "bonding" with GC is perhaps nor necessary. It is great if they know you and who you are, but the bonding is for the parents.

I only see two of my smaller GC once or twice a year, they are my sons children an live abroad I visit them and every couple of years they come to London. In between times my dil sents pics and videos and we occasionally FaceTime. We have a good relationship.
Could you not have a FaceTime with them on the week you don’t visit?