Grandchildren and Christmas gifts

OP, I understand your feelings and I don't believe that it's unreasonable to express them. How are people supposed to know that you're hurt if you never tell them? Your DGD's response was nice and hopefully they'd learned a lesson. Your DD on the other hand... I'd have been quite embarrassed on behalf of my kids and had a word with them myself, rather than having a go at you for "daring" to express your disappointment? I believe that being honest and open with your family is only right and a small embarrassment in the short term (on their part) is better than a long-term feeling of neglect (you). Don't feel guilty for being honest and I hope things work out for the best

Good for you Lemonlegs I wish I could do that. Oddly enough I had just been talking to my husband about this. My son had just told me my 22 year old gd starts Christmas shopping in August and earns a lot more money now. I have never ever received so much as a birthday card from her. I send her birthday and Christmas gifts and gave her (a little) money for university. Same with his son, my gs. Neither has ever done the short flight to visit. I have visited often.
My other sons children don't ever visit although the older one drives. They still get pocket money. I don't buy to get back. I buy because I want to but it would be nice to think that you mattered. Their friends get presents. Grandparents get a very raw deal sometimes.

Yep Lily65, I guess it could be that too.

And why not?

Although I don't think it was in this instance.Not from what the OP said.

Maybe a bit of it in my case! little bugger

I agree with you Stella! Better to keep our lovely grandchildren happy & our friends!
I don’t understand some of the abbreviations like OP

Lily65 Or it could not be about "look what I've done for you" and about wanting to be thought of and loved as Gonegirl said. and as I said.

When I was 16 or so, my parents advised that from now on they would expect me to purchase birthday and Christmas gifts for their mothers from my own funds.

This is still their expectation, so to avoid fights with my parents, I post the grandmothers age-appropriate gifts at the appropriate dates, or send them along with my parents when my parents are visiting them.

It is not a large enough cost for me to go stirring up trouble about it. It is important to my parents.

I see my grandchildren as much as possible and we have lovely times together but I don't give them pocket money... I give them birthday presents and Christmas presents and will continue to do so but i don't expect anything from them. I don't want anything.....I'd never ask them to give me a present!!!!! Just stop the pocket money when each gets to 21 and working, they are too old for it anyway, then at least you won't feel resentful.

Thanks for the advice about pocket money Lilylilo. I shall do that. Although it may not go down too well if I still give younger sister. DiL is easily offended..

Thankyou to the supportive grannies here who understand the concept of mutual respect.
I don’t intend giving further details as I don’t think it’s necessary, but I’m glad my post has raised the profile of the thorny subject.
I will say, to quieten the acid ones here, I have never given a gift ‘in order to receive’ and to say such a thing given the circumstances I’ve described is quite vicious.
I have always maintained a close and mutually supportive relationship with my granddaughters, and my daughter and son in law, but I felt they’d fallen down on this point and it meant biting the bullet.
To those grannies who don’t see it this way I say ‘whatever’, carry on with whatever you’re happy with.
It took courage on my part to raise the subject and my conscience is clear, it is all about respect and not about giving in order to receive.
I hope this post will help other grannies who feel as I do.

I wouldn’t send anything further and see what their reaction is.

Good post there Lemonlegs13

What's it all about anyway this Christmas thing? Wasn't it supposed to be about the birth of Jesus and the three wise men?

I don't think fretting about not having a hand written label on a present is really the point.

I've got a feeling Christmas might be about love. And we all need a bit of that.

Can't disagree with that.

My children have always bought gifts or made something for their late dad and I from as soon as they were able to, when small they used to get a box and put my own stuff in it to give back to me but their faces were so full of joy that those ‘presents’ were so special but I think if I had to tell someone to buy me something it wouldn’t be the same, I know that their presents are given with love and thought, it isn’t about the cost

I agree there . my gs (6 yrs) got a new year gift of a 2nd hand bike. he loved it etc...next time he came I said to him I don't think you deserve that bike. why says he? because I didn't hear you say thankyou.......he went a bit red .and next thing I know he's written me a thankyou note and a big hug.b ut older generation kids .they don't bother to reply. rude I know ,but its like you don't exist except to give them gifts/money. next time don't give any...why give them pocket money now they teenagers ,surely there parents can do that.

lemonlegs nicely expressed!

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Well, these adult children, who don't instil in the younger generations the joy of giving presents at tradition times to older members of the family, will know exactly how they are going to be treated in the future themselves. You get what you sow in all cases, so it looks like suitable gratitude was also not a trait which was implanted in the adult children either by the grandparents.

My granddaughter aged 8 has just started to receive pocket money from me (I said she had to wait until she was able to add up change in her head before he could get it). It's only a token weekly 50p at the moment but will probably increase with age to the maximum of £5, as I did with my own children I have made it quite clear though that this is dependent on her attitude towards me. I don't reward bad behaviour and thoughtlessness.

'SHE', not he could get it.

Hi, I need to find a book for my 11 year old granddaughter who is a voracious reader but my DD is running out of ideas. She has read The Hunger Games (?) is past Harry Potter and David Williams but still dips into Diary of a Wimpy Kid!
She has asked me to look for a good work of fiction with a strong female character who - in her words - does cool things! I’m having trouble.
She’s not into fantasy or adventure, undortunately.
Any thought or ideas very welcome.

I would start your own thread Packhorse. This is an old thread and a different subject, so people may look at it now you’ve resurrected it.....but then not answer when they see it’s about something else. Good luck!

i can completely resonate with Lemonlegs. I never receive a birthday card or small gift from my teenage grandchildren for Christmas or Birthdays. I always taught my son when he was old enough that he should choose his grandparents a card and actually write it themselves and buy a small gift out of his pocket money , dosent have to be expensive or fancy but just shows that you love and respect them. It is very sad and painful how times have changed

Gonegirl

Sorry about the rant. I think I must have been bottling that up. ?

No need to apologise. My granddaughters never buy me presents either. I did tentatively mention this to my daughter after Christmas. I got a defensive reply but no sense that it was taken on board. I don't blame my granddaughters for this. What you said about today's families being insular, yes I know where you're coming from with this. I get included to a degree but I never get asked to join them on family outings but am not allowed to drive them anywhere myself. It hurts me deeply.