Bi-Polar DIL wants grandson medicated too

they have an agreement, he goes to school when Logan gets in trouble to hear what the teacher and principle say (mainly because neither like my DIL and can't reason with her) and DIL handles all dr appts. I'm going down this weekend and my son has scheduled a psych appt so I can attend too. He gave permission which upset my DIL. As far as the meds, I understand everything prescribed has been off of the word of mom relating to dr on his behavior at school and home. Of course dr takes moms words over child and mom has embellished stories before, like before a very smart judge that didn't buy her stories when she tried a surprise divorce attempt and take my grandson away from my son.

You say that your Dil is verbally abusive to your Dgs and I presume that she is his main carer.
You said that you had to stop helping out with your Dgs as you
couldn't stand your Dil and that the School will only deal with your son as they can't cope with your Dil.
What a shame for this little boy, having to live with his mentally ill mother, and dealing with her ups and downs.
He's probably crying out for help, if is behaviour is deteriorating.
Can you not go back and help to look after him again, at least then he would have you close by and his behaviour could improve.
I really feel for this poor little boy.

I agree. I normally stay out of all my children's parenting because, frankly, I want to be the grandma and just spoil them when I want to. But this DIL is nutty, literally. She recently came back from visit her parents and made the comment that at her parents house Logan has to use his "perfect" manners because at nana's house only perfect manners are allowed. The kid is 8 and perfection isn't reality, especially when the mother has yet to attain it but after that statement, I understand my DIL better. I've personally witnessed her lose control of reality several times when she can't control a situation so I know she needs medical help. I'm around this child quite often for varied lengths of time and have never seen him display the symptoms she describes. She wants a perfect child as she was supposed to be. She doesn't have a sincere loving desire to be a mother and used to tell me so. She never wanted to be a mother but would never give Logan up now because she'd be a failure to her mom. I have to get involved, he's my grandson.

I'm sorry, yes Oklahoma City, Oklahoma (OKC) is a 5 1/2 almost straight south drive from Kansas City, Missouri (KCMO). Kansas City, Kansas (KCK) and Kansas City, Missouri (KCMO) are separated by the Kansas and Missouri rivers winding through the two cities. I get confused just driving on the highways and constantly end up in the wrong state so don't feel bad!

thought of that but if I go to social services he'll be put in foster care until a hearing. Guess I should have said I'm retired law enforcement and have a law degree but never took the bar. I could eventually get custody but that's taking custody from my son as well. Son and father get along great, it's mom that Logan sets everyone off. She is also very jealous of my relationship with Logan but I can't, or won't, do anything about that. I also have asked if they would go to a clergy but no luck there either.

thank you but I don't get ruffled to easily! Too many years working in a prison with the populations finest I guess!

and the saga continues...DIL tried to commit suicide today. Son called as ambulance was just loading her and he was a basketcase. I call BS. She's been threatening suicide since we met with 1st time when she was 4 months pregnant. I told her if she harmed the child there would be no place in Hell she could hide from me because I'd find her. I meant it then, I mean it now. My life is so minuscule to that of my family and especially a child, any child. I have offered her help, I moved to Oklahoma for a year to give the parents every weekend off, I drive 600 miles every other month so my grandson has a weekend to be a normal kid. I've never missed a holiday, birthday, grandparent day, and driven up and back in the same day just to spend an hour with him because I was being "punished" for something or another and that's all the DIL would allow. As far as her suicide attempt, she appeared groggy but clearly named 4 types of medications and dosages but all pills were recently refilled and accounted for. If she has been hoarding them, that's on her. In the ambulance they mentioned pumping her stomach where again she regained composure enough to sit up enough to inform them she made herself throw up before the ambulance arrived. At the hospital the mentioned giving her charcoal but again there goes the groggy self to reassuring not necessary and ready to go home. Smart dr put the brakes on that and put a 76 hour hold on her and mandatory psych evaluation. She refuses to have her mom called because she has, "an image to uphold", whatever that means. I want that child outta there yesterday! What happens when Logan is home alone with his mom and she tries this again? What happens if she feels threatened and decides if she can't have him, no one is going to have him? Either she takes of with him or something worse. The worse part is, Oklahoma doesn't have grandparents rights to protect me, Logan, or help my son.

Sorry to hear of your families problems, grandparents don't really have any rights in the UK either, all you can do is support your son. If you lived closer to them it would be easier, making sure your DIL takes her medication and provides a stable home for their son.
The only way forward is for your son to take charge of the situation, probably in conjunction with social services

I presume Logan was with his Dad when this all happened.
Do you think that this "attempt" may be in reaction to you going to your Gs's next Psych appointment with her?
If so it looks like she may have something to hide, regarding having Logan being given these drugs, on her say so.
Its strange that she won't have her parents informed as "she has an image to uphold". What on earth is that supposed to mean, with her own parents? This is all very odd and dysfunctional!
Whatever! I would make sure that you still go to this psych appointment with Logan and see what is being said.
I also believe that Logan would be better off with his Dad at this time if you could help him with it. I also think that your Son should tell her parents what has happened, it may take some of the pressure off you and your son of they get involved.
What a worry for you!

I m sorry but for a person with a law degree your narrative is dreadful You describes her as nutty say you ve seen her nut up son was a basketcase Talking of her suicide attempt ^ I call BS^ Then I told her there d be no place in hell she could hide from me and this is the way you would talk to a mentally ill lady ? You say you are retired law enforcement well seemingly your knowledge of mental illness is so limited that it is good you are retired

I have no understanding of why, if you are so concerned about your grandson you would move 6 hour drive away just because you don’t get on with his mother, that just makes no sense at all
As others have said children aren’t medicated or diagnosed or have their medication ‘upped’ on a mother’s whim or say so the child has to be fully assessed and talked to away from the parent requests That I m afraid is just your superstition

If this poor lady is as ill as you make out her husband needs to be much more proactive I see he has now made an appointment but what’s he been waiting for ? This seems to have been going on for years
You do not come across as helping in a calm manner but seem to be fanning flames wherever possible in your quest to get at this woman
I hope your grandson gets the help he needs

What BlueBelle said - sorry.

If your son was with your grandson, who was in the ambulance with the poor girl and with her in the hospital? must have been someone very close to have been present when she was receiving treatment and then repeat every detail to you

Of course dr takes moms words over child

No reputable doctor would do that, particularly when the problem is mental. A good doctor would listen very carefully to the child and probably talk to them alone without the presence of their mother. In the UK the child would also have a lengthy assessment before any decision to prescribed medication was made.

While I understand that you're concerned about your GS, the reality is that this is NOT ABOUT YOU. This is about your SON. Where is HE in his son's life?

You don't seem to really understand mental illness. It's often not as simple as it appears to be. You can't see into your DIL's head. You don't know what's really going on for her. If you're antagonistic toward her that's going to create added stress, which is exactly what she does NOT need.

Really, your son shouldn't even be telling you all of this. It's HIS family. HIS business. HIS marriage. Not yours.

agnurse, what right have you to say that a Son should not confide in his own Mother.
You say, Its HIS family, HIS business, HIS marriage. Not yours.
I'm sure that the OP is well aware of this but if a family member wishes to confide in his Mother, that is his choice and quite honestly, nothing to do with you.

If the son repeated to the O/P all that allegedly took place in the hospital he seems to care little about the poor girl

Anniebach, OP stated that the Son and Dil are not together and the child lives between them.

Buffy please show me where it says the father and mother live separately and that the child goes between the two homes I totally missed that and can’t find it now and as the father was ‘loading’ her in the ambulance after her suicide attempt it sounded as if he was with her and did he go in the ambulance and hospital with her as Poster seems to know all the details of every conversation during that period so someone must have been with her to relate it all back
I m afraid the more I read the more I feel sorry for the girl and think she may have a very difficult time There appears absolutely no understanding of mental health coming from the poster and indeed some very nasty coarse comments

I agree BlueBelle, the girl attempts to take her life and is dismissed as ‘nutter’

Bluebell, it may have been when I read that,
a very smart judge that didn't buy her stories when she tried a surprise divorce attempt to take my grandson away from my son. And the fact that OP was going this weekend to visit her Dgs, I presumed that her Dgs lived with her Son at weekends.
If OP comes back, perhaps we can clarify this point.

BlueBelle

An AC should NEVER get parents involved in a relationship issue, and parents should NEVER get involved in their AC's relationships. A parent's instinct will always be to protect a child - even if the child is in the wrong.

If there is something this seriously wrong, he needs to see a counselor and possibly a solicitor.

So what happens when a child becomes an adult then agnurse? Are they supposed to no longer confide in their parents? And what are parents supposed to do if God forbid their AC is in an abusive relationship; just walk away because it's none of their business and they shouldn't get involved?

What rubbish. Some parents have the maturity to see when their AC is in the wrong and the common sense not to condone unacceptable behaviour.

You don't cease to be a parent, someone to be confided in and to offer common sense advice, when your child becomes and adult.

Agnurse why did you direct your post at me I didn’t say anything about adult children talking to parents I think you are mistaking me for Buffys post

And surely in 2018 we do not think of anyone suffering Bi-polar ‘ a nutter’

Smileless

In an abusive situation it is best left to the experts. It's not as simple as LTB; this can put the victim at serious risk. The victim also has to be willing to leave the abuser. Contact with their parents can cause the abuse to escalate. Statistically the victim is at greatest risk when he or she tries to leave. If the victim goes to the parent's home, that's likely to be the first place the abuser will look for them. This can put the entire family at risk. It is safer for the victim to go to a shelter where there are experts in dealing with abusive situations. Abuse is incredibly complex.

Moreover, what happens if the AC and the abuser reconcile? What is the parent to do then?

I get that parents want to protect their children. What I'm saying is that parents must accept that their children are now adults. Presumably the parents have raised their children to be functional. Adults look after their own relationship issues, or they seek an objective third-party to help.