anger at family moving away?

The OP says she’s feeling miffed. I think she knows its silly and unproductive but can’t get out of the feeling. Since it happened so quickly it must have come as a bit of a shock, and emotions are funny things which we can’t always control especially when they catch you on the back foot.

In the first instance grandtante has good suggestions which have worked for me in the past, but then, when equilibrium has returned Ireland is a lovely country. Perhaps trying to think of it as a wonderful cheap holiday destination, a sort of second home may help? I hope their new home has a spare room! Do you get on with your DiL’s parents?

I think the OP has a decent understanding of Geography and flight times.
She is saying she is stuck in an unpleasant feeling and asking if anybody else is experiencing similar.

I can identify with your feelings redl. One of my children and her family are planning to move to another EU country if the brexit nonsense actually happens. Your DIL, having an Irish family, has made that decision easy. If brexit can be prevented they might consider returning.

Oz 24 hours, Ireland 1 hour. I would be delighted if my kids were in Ireland

Where are they in Ireland? Do you have interests that could involve an activity break plus a visit?

I'm Irish, many years ago I got engaged to Australian and my mother had just got a phone in. No internet, letters or extremely expensive calls only . I do remember the grief my mother went through at the thought. . I felt so guilty. The relationship fell through as it happens. Even then, Mam was keen to ensure it was nothing to do with her that split us up.
Sadly, all part of life.

I feel for you. Make most of their time there. DIL may not settle back, who knows?
Many peo0ke swear living in Ireland is wonderful

DD2 met her husband in Sydney and, basically stayed. Still there 18 years, 4 children & 2 dogs later. I was happy for her & yes, just a little bit sad that she would be so far away. DH and I had many happy visits over the years and I still go at least once a year. My other 2 DDs moved 450 miles away after university. Its their lives, their future. It's what we bring them into the world for - to make their own lives & follow their destinies. Sure, I missed being a local Granny, missed seeing the gc's growing & changing on a frequent basis but it isn't just all about us is it?! Ireland is just a quick flight away. Be thankful that you can be there in a couple of hours! I can understand your anguish but it is how it is, so no point in feeling angry. Gets you precisely nowhere

My DH came home 4 months before we were married and announced that he'd accepted a job in Hong Kong. I can't imagine how my mum felt but she and Dad never stood in our way and didn't grumble. We stayed for 20 years and was the best thing we did. They visited numerous times with Dad already planning the next trip almost before they got home.

Ireland isn't that far and is a lovely place to visit (DS2 lives in Cork) - go and enjoy seeing your family

You ask how to deal with anger, and perhaps the following tricks would be helpful (they have helped me).

If you have a secluded garden, or a room in the house where no-one will hear you, start talking. Say exactly how you are feeling and why. Be as unreasonable as you like. No-one is there to listen to you.

If that doesn't help, or help enough, take an old pillow or cushion with you and thump it hard while talking.

If you feel silly talking to yourself, write it all down instead, BUT promise me, when you have done so, to tear the paper up, or burn it. If you use the computer, hit delete, and check that the back-up file has been deleted too, then empty the waste-basket. I am sure, you don't want anyone in the family inadvertently reading this, some day.

You may need to try the talking it out thing more than once - a nice long country walk, where you talk to yourself while walking, if you like walking that is, I have often found helpful too.

Once when I was young and had been dumped by a boyfriend, I cleaned the whole flat in one afternoon, cursing him whilst crying into a pail of water. It helped then, not so sure, it would work now.

Hope you soon feel happier.

Your first comment is that they moved to be near your DIL's family....but in fact

my son had a job offer ,sold house in a day and off they went

They went because your son got a job offer - so try not to fixate on the fact that her family is there too. And nobody sells a house in a day - that would have taken months . Maybe they knew how you'd react so they didn't tell you until the last minute.

They are in Ireland - not in New Zealand - you can visit any time you like. Maybe it's time to get over your hurt feelings and to be glad they are within visiting distance.

As someone whose only child (and family) are 5000 miles away, I agree with BlueBelle on this one. I know it's hard, but my advice is that you have to let them go without showing how very hurt, angry, & upset you feel. In the words of Sting: If you love someone, set them free....

batty, I assume ‘ losing a pet ‘ you mean a pet has died ?

Death means the end of life, no second chance, no hope, no choice.

This thread is not of death but of sadness and anger that a child has moved away.

I find it hard to connect with people who are devastated at losing a pet. However, I respect their feelings and keep quiet. We are not playing Top Trumps here about who should or shouldn't have certain emotions.

Is this your only son? I get the feeling that you are upset and puzzled as to why you are so angry. I think deep down that you feel someone has stolen your son. Understandable. Can you get to talk to a counsellor somehow?
But good idea to book a flight . He is still your son but try to be generous with him!

If you spent their childhood teaching them to fly, you can't clip their wings when they are adults.

My only daughter went to New Zealand for a three-month stay when she was 17 years old. Now 36, she's still in New Zealand with a husband and six children. I have the good fortune to live in New Zealand too but I have been only five and a half years.

red1I agree with morethan thatit's a good thing that you recognise your anger and don't internalise it.

I think recognising it is the first step in moving forward and getting over not yourself, but the shock and the change in your life.

So give yourself a pat on the back for having the courage to post on here, tell your son and DiL you're coming to visit them and ask when would be convenient for them.

Once you have something to look forward to your anger will subside.

I read your post and thought there’s a women who has great insight into her own feelings and isn’t afraid to admit them. As long as you don’t express your anger to your son and his family there’ll be no harm done. Like you say your anger should subside and that’s when acceptance comes. It’ll always hurt a little bit. Two of my adult children live between three and six hours away and their children are almost fully grown. I was the grandmother that saw them intermittently but I’m remembered as the grandmother who did the most exciting things with them. I used to really pull out all the stops. Their faces still light up with affection when they see me. So my advice for what it’s worth would be visit as often as you can and really devote your time to having a really good time. I’m not sure how I’d have coped had mine moved abroad and I’m full of admiration for the grandparents whose children are that far away. Ours may no longer be round the corner but they are within easy reach. I’ll tell you what your spot on about though ‘emotions are funny things’ and we all have them so don’t beat yourself up. Ps Ireland’s absolutely beautiful, gorgeous and wonderful. I hope you visit often and have a ball.

Jeez

if your reaction was to be angry, what can you do about it. If anger could just be turned off and people could get over themselves (a Baggs suggested!) then the world would be a different place.
As you are feeling angry perhaps you can get help or it was too soon to expect the anger to go away.
Hope you are feeling better now.

DD2 often felt angry and went downstairs in our cellar closed the door and screamed and shouted. then she felt better.

Thats what people like about going to football matches.

red1

I understand you are missing your family but shock, anger, grief? You have the choice to stay where you are or move near to them, I realy don’t understand why you speak of the grieving process , sadness because you miss them , yes , but anger

good parenting is lots of things, letting them feel that they are not obliged to parents for the rest of their days, can only be a good thing. its bad parenting that makes the children feel that they keep have to go back to gain their approval.
my point was of the experience of the process of the emotions ,anger/sadness etc that are a natural part of the human condition when family move away. I suppose robots would find it 'easy to get over themselves!' enough said on my part...….

what does “get over yourself” mean?

It means stop being so self-centered and conceited. So not a very nice thing to say to anyone at all .

My younger daughter married and moved 200 miles away, I missed her, felt a little sad but what mattered was she was happy and we are in contact by phone and she visits me.

My elder daughter died one year ago, I will never hear her voice again, never see her again , this is grief

Maybe a few other people should get over themselves. Bereavement, loss, grief, comes in all sorts of guises. My kids live down the road. I still feel loss.

What does 'get over yourself' mean?

red1 sorry that you are upset by this and especially Baggs’s smug comments.