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Grandparenting

Kumon ruining our holiday

(89 Posts)
grannypauline Fri 20-Jul-18 23:41:10

Here I am with the granddaughters on a lovely holiday and the parents (who are not with us) have demanded that a Kumon paper a day (up to one hour) is completed by one of them.

It is a raging battle as she hates doing it. As a retired Maths teacher I regard the Kumon Maths system as useless, unimaginative, and likely to put many children off Maths for ever. It consists of very repetitive arithmetic sums.

I am forced into the role of persecutor; " we can't go out and enjoy ourselves till you finish yesterday's task." I secretly admire her obstinate refusal to do this boring stuff but have to enforce it otherwise I'm quite sure I won't be allowed to take them on holiday again.

Has anyone else had this sort of problem?

lemongrove Sat 21-Jul-18 21:51:17

It’s a ridiculous situation.
In any case, as a maths teacher you are a better source of any maths help.
It should be done in short sessions, no child that age can concentrate fully for an hour.
You have my sympathy.

SongForAlice Sat 21-Jul-18 21:12:32

That's just mean. Too long for a 7 year old and especially on holiday.
I'd be tempted to help her if I'm honest. Should only take you 10 minutes wink

What does your son say about his wife being so controlling to his young daughter?

M0nica Sat 21-Jul-18 19:28:32

Thirty years from now the girl's mother will be on Gransnet complaining that her DD has cut off contact or strictly limits her time with her DGC.

annodomini Sat 21-Jul-18 14:43:33

That mother will demoralise the poor little girl. To call a child stupid is nothing short of abusive; and to inflict all that maths practice on her during her holiday is just mean.

Smileless2012 Sat 21-Jul-18 13:38:26

What does your son think?

We had some friends stay with us in Florida last October for 10 days, 5 of which were when their eldest son aged 6, would normally have been in school. He had 2 to 2.5 hours of schoolwork to do every day for the duration of his holiday.

They are currently living in the USA and he goes to a private school. According to his mum, he gets 2 hours of homework every school day and 2 hours for the weekend.

I don't know who hates this more, the child or the mum who has to ensure he gets it done every day when all he wants to do is go outside and play.

Dad thinks it's wonderful but then again, he never sits with him to ensure the work is done, he leaves that up to his wifehmm.

Stansgran Sat 21-Jul-18 13:32:23

Appalled at calling a child stupid. And a seven year old doing an hour's maths on holiday. Double appalled. Maths should be fun at that age weighing and measuring to bake cakes and measuring to make teddy a holiday outfit. I love the fast watch idea and I'm afraid I would pencil in the answers and leave the poor child to fill in with nice jolly colours.

notanan2 Sat 21-Jul-18 13:20:24

...and for what ? I struggled with maths beyond everyday stuff but have worked well all my life with just an ordinary and reasonable knowledge of what anyone would have Never needed or used all the geometry Trig and algebra that I hated so much

That's not possible any more, you can't do a trade apprenticeship or entry level job now without GCSE maths, and if you are bright in NON maths subjects you won't be accepted to further study it without high attainment in maths. It is wring but that is how it is!

I would NEVER make a 7yr old work for an hour on anything unless they were self motivated/engrossed I think it is counter productive

BUT some of the replies don't appreciate the context of Maths nowadays, its not like it used to be! You aren't allowed to be weak at maths but good at something else, maths & English are the gatekeepers to ANY progression and take up most of teachers time in school.

All of the above is also a good argument for having a full BREAK from maths...

...but you can't say that maths is no biggie any more.

BlueBelle Sat 21-Jul-18 13:09:01

I think the mother sounds horrendous
No 7 year old should have an hour a day homework on holiday can’t you let her do it till she’s fed up then finish it off for her ...an hour and seven minutes is torture

Melanieeastanglia Sat 21-Jul-18 13:01:02

How about if you did it together? I don't mean "do it for her" as that would mean telling a direct lie and might not be a good example for her. Also, it would be pointless.

I have never seen a Kumon paper but perhaps you could get your granddaughter to do the questions first that she finds easy and then step in to help with the harder ones.

This method might mean you have done what her parents want but it won't take as long and the task won't be so monumental in the first place.

oldbatty Sat 21-Jul-18 12:44:58

the mother is calling a 7 year old stupid?

Eloethan Sat 21-Jul-18 12:10:47

When my grandchildren tire of doing their spellings, reading, etc., I stop. Quite often they initiate things - nan can we read a book, do a crossword, do the adjective game, etc. There is, in my opinion, no point in forcing a child to learn. It will just put them off learning.

I would do, as others have suggested, work with her and do my best to make it fun (though from what has been said it doesn't sound like much fun). I think an hour is too long. I'm fairly sure that in school children are not expected to have that degree of concentration and commitment, without any light relief, for a whole hour.

grannypauline Sat 21-Jul-18 11:23:19

Just finished the Kumon. Only took an hour and seven minutes!!!

Interestingly she was OK for about 20 minutes and it is my belief that attention span is roughly 2 times age - note when it did broadcasts the OU slots were 20 minutes too. I sat by her and helped as suggested. But we still have to do corrections and then there's the next day's to do!!!

DIL has no respect for anything other than officialdom and those inside her own sphere of influence. Thus I don't count. I believe she did once take my advice on which dishwasher tablet to use but she now tells me there is a better one on the market!

I was asked to babysit while they went away to a pop concert - which I am very glad to do. I am gradually filtering in holidays with the grandchildren which will become a regular fixture I hope.

Jane10 Sat 21-Jul-18 10:21:51

Blimey. Your DiL should respect your opinion as a Maths teacher! Poor little girl. What happens if she doesn't do it? Would the DiL find out?
Try to enjoy the holiday and your DGD's company as much as you can. Good luck!

grannypauline Sat 21-Jul-18 09:43:06

And yes, I always make "learning experiences" on our holidays. Yesterday the tube passengers were delighted by the working out of journey times etc.

But DIL is very self centered and controlling and is literally she who must by obeyed! Nothing would convince her that her plans are not the most correct! No deviation possible!

grannypauline Sat 21-Jul-18 09:38:33

Thanks again. Am trying the "help but not helping" technique which has been agreed as of now.

crystaltipps Sat 21-Jul-18 09:03:08

This sounds dreadful. Are you taking them on holiday as a favour to the parents? Is it basically free childcare/ homework supervisor they are after? I understand you have a tricky relationship but I would perhaps suggest giving her alternative “ holiday maths” instead of the kumon and do some fun activities. As an ex teacher I’m sure you can think of something - working out holiday money spending or whatever. Could even keep it in an exercise book as “evidence”. Would that suggestion go down well with the DiL?

Luckygirl Sat 21-Jul-18 08:59:53

being given

Luckygirl Sat 21-Jul-18 08:59:41

Seriously this poor child - she is 7 FGS!

I am sorry but I do think that her family are doing her a huge disservice.

I am at a complete loss to understand what all the rush is about - childhood is a precious time and you only get one shot at it. This is a waste of her childhood.

I really would just do it for her. I know that this feels deceitful but what they are doing to this child is just plain wrong.

This is a HOLIDAY - she is right to protest.

I would not fret too much about not being asked to look after them again, or take them on holiday. It sounds as though the child's mother would be glad of the break if she too is going through this every day. Silly woman. Deserves a kick up the arse. Sorry - but I feel so strongly about children being the chance to be children.

OldMeg Sat 21-Jul-18 08:56:20

It’s not a good system. Maths is a wonderful subject and taught correctly it’s a joy. Sadly too many teachers have themselves been badly taught and see it as a subject they don’t especially understand or enjoy teaching.

Many parents, grandparents, teachers and others are horrified at the way language is now to be taught in the NC at primary level. What many don’t realise is that there is an equally draconian and senseless curriculum operating in maths too.

This doesn’t help you grannypauline though. Personally, I’d try to make it less traumatic by sitting down with your grandchild and doing it together. Try to make obvious deliberate mistakes so she can correct you and have a laugh. Put a plate of biscuits out, and a favourite drink and get through this as easily as possible.

Or of course you could get the dog to chew up the hated exercises.

muffinthemoo Sat 21-Jul-18 08:55:17

SEVEN???

Homework during a holiday when you’re SEVEN???

The world’s gone mad

grannypauline Sat 21-Jul-18 08:50:20

Thanks for all the support and suggestions.

The child is just turned seven and as far as I know she has no particular problems with Maths - certainly none that I've been asked to help with.

The real killer is that each paper is timed as a whole unit so it can't be broken up into 10 minute pieces!! I have tried agreeing a schedule but basically it is: put it off till later and then have the screaming match.

The DIL has arranged Kumon lessons and if I asked she would no doubt come up with some very good justification. She is very controlling and she herself is not nice to the granddaughter herself when Kumon is involved - calling her lazy and stupid if she resists and takes a long time. If you have ever read my posts you will know I am quite outspoken but I am very careful not to pick fights with DIL as I think she could easily block access!

mcem Sat 21-Jul-18 08:50:00

By working together and feeding her answers you'll provide positive support but won't be cheating or fibbing to parents.

She'll get more out of it than struggling alone.
Put yourself back in a classroom situation, one-to-one with a reluctant learner and think how you'd deal with it.

Blinko Sat 21-Jul-18 08:36:38

I have no idea what this system is, but it sounds like torture. It surely isn't likely to encourage a child to enjoy maths?

Luckygirl Sat 21-Jul-18 08:33:53

Do it for her! - seriously, this is completely out of order. I really would simply do the papers.

If you cannot bring yourself to do that, then just get it out each day, tell her where it is and that she can do it if she wants to. It is not down to you to be forcing this on her. Poor little bugger - what can her parents be thinking of? How to put a child off learning in one easy lesson!

I am sickened by the way children are sometimes allowed no real down time - they are force fed all term - this is a holiday, and by definition she should not be doing this.

The only school work my DDs ever did on holiday was GCSE/A-level revision during a May holiday; and that was by their own choice; and mostly completed while lying on a beach.

oldbatty Sat 21-Jul-18 08:11:31

sorry it sounds awful. I think it is up to the parents if they wish to follow this scheme.

They should not be insisting you police it.