Anxiety re birth of third grandchild

To comment on one of the posts above - a C section does not always mean that another will be necessary in subsequent pregnancies. My DD had an emergency section (pre-eclampsia) but went on to have two normal deliveries with no problem.

Definitely opt for the planned Section, so much easier.

I had three births the first two naturally and ripped and tore badly and the third by cesarian section because of baby in distress at 37 weeks. Cesarean birth was by far the easier. He was almost three weeks early and 8lb 12oz so if he had gone to 40 weeks or longer would have been large baby to deliver. I was up and about day after procedure and home two days later and able to enjoy my baby whereas with first two I had so many stitches and was so sore I found it difficult to move and go to loo.

My DD faced the same choice, but fortunately her little one decided to take matters into his own hands and arrive at 38 weeks, absolutely fine and with no complications, weighing 8lb 4, so not the huge baby she’d expected. My DDIL’s second was 10lb 4 and nobody had picked up that he was large. Again the delivery was uncomplicated. Try not to worry and encourage her to take advice from those best qualified to give it.

Planned section all the way!

(my DD was 9lb 4 and breach so no way I was pushing her out!).

Don’t feel “cheated” in any way of not having a natural birth. IMHO much less stressful than an emergency section or baby in distress

The monitoring these days is amazing, even since your other grandchildren were born. Four awkward pregnancies/deliveries in our family in last 18 months, and all 4 babies are thriving.

Sorry you’re feeling so stressed about this. With your medical knowledge you will know that a Caesarean section is major surgery and that recovery can be slow and uncomfortable. If your daughters doctors think it’s necessary they would say so and not give her a choice. Having worked in a maternity unit, I would never opt for a caesarean unless doctors felt there was no option.
Not suggesting for a minute that this is the case for your daughter, but too many women look on a caesarean as the “easy option” these days and have little or no concept of the possible risks of major surgery.
I hope your grandchild arrives safely be it naturally or surgically.

Much better for both to have an elective c section. I had two because of complications. Recovery better now than 40 yrs ago. My youngest daughter had an emergency c section with her first (scary) and with her second was induced to try for a normal delivery but progress was so slow she had a section before the baby was distressed. Much less stressful than emergency.

I don't feel a c section is ever the easy option it is major surgery but preferable to becoming an emergency which is as stressful for mum as baby!

Bless you. When my daughter lost her 1st baby I privately fell apart. I have lost 4 and her circumstances were exactly the same as my 1st loss and even worse in the same hospital. When she fell pregnant 2 months later I lived on nerves. It was so stressful. She had a bleed, days the baby wasn't moving and on and on. I know I put on a brave face for her bit every day was a struggle.
She had an induction at 38 weeks, 3 day labour and then c section. I was a wreck. Sleeping on the hospital floor!
But out came the most beautiful little girl - and the world was right.
It will end. Your daughter is being monitored and all is well. I so feel for you.

You cannot always tell how labour will go. I nearly died with my first baby, and the second birth DD, was long and difficult. I was terrified when DD went into labour, fearing history might repeat itself, but DD confounded all my fears when her first baby was born after a six hour labour!

Tell her to go for an elective CS as I would if I was her midwife .My daughter had an emergency CS as she went into labour early and he was as a breech .He then developed a pneumothorax(a collapsed lung) His sister was a booked CS and it was so calm .My daughter did query though should she have tried a natural birth the 2nd time and my answer as a midwife was NO 2Healthy children is what counts

Oh, definitely go for the planned C-section. I had an emergency one first time around after a long labour and baby being in distress. He was 8lb and I had a general anaesthetic, so missed out. Second time , consultant looked at me at 37 weeks, and recommended elective section- good job he did, she was 9lb 3oz! I had an epidural and DH was by my side. Much better!

I believe you when you tell us you are very stressed, and to me that is normal in the given circumstances. You have witnessed your part of delivery-trouble, so of course you can't stop thinking about all that could eventually go wrong. I think you might help yourself by talking this over with your daughter and asking her to understand your worry. Ask your daughter if she sees fit to keep you involved in the steps she's taking, calling you after a doctor's appointment would be great. Other than that you'll have to sit this one out grandma, and trust the good care she's in!

Not a fan of inductions, especially if they happen before labor does. I've seen them create the very conditions that lead to C sections after a long, unnecessarily hard yet unproductive labor. Can she schedule the straight C section a few days past her due date or just before week 40 (which ever comes after), to give Mother Nature a little more time to do the work?

....but no matter, the important thing is that whatever your daughter decides, she and her baby are going to come out of this OK. Your role is to be optimistic and very supportive. Visualize this: In less than a month, you will be a very relieved and happy grandmother!

All the best, Willa

Wow, thank you all for your kind messages, much appreciated. My daughter has sought advice from her friends who are mothers. Several of them have had Caesarean sections for various reasons, some when there was no option due to the placenta lying over the cervix, gestational diabetes where the baby was at risk, failed inductions and I think will she will decide on the elective section. She has mentioned that she will try not to feel guilty about it. I have tried to say that I don’t think she should feel guilty about doing what she is being advised is safest for the baby.
The idea that having a section is a type of cop out seems to persist. A friend who had a long and very painful labour has described to her the relief when it was decided to perform an operation. So for the moment that’s the plan. Must say I am quite relieved. She has not had any infertility, it has taken all that time (15 years) for her and her husband to decide they would like a child. They were very lucky to conceive almost immediately. I will certainly let you know what happens. Also we don’t know the sex so that will be a surprise! Thank you so much for sharing what must be very painful memories for some of you. It has been very helpful to me.

Does your daughter share your concerns? My daughter also had problems with the birth of her son - he was large (9lb3oz) and she is a size 6!

She was happy to put her trust in the medical team and at no time stressed me with the details, although we spoke every day.

My advice is to let your daughter know how much you support her in all of this and try to stay calm for her sake.

Fellowfeeling8 - feel your anxiety. My daughters pregnancies were ALWAYS more stressful than my own!

Especially as my first born grandchild died at 2 days, so the second pregnancy was so stressful! I couldn't even 'talk' about it!

This daughter elected to have a cesarian for her second and has since had two more! All healthy babies am pleased to say.

Lots of brilliant advice and I think the bottom line is just be guided by the professionals all the way. IF baby decides otherwise then...so be it.

CS are not routinely performed for all the reasons stated but I know my daughter never felt 'cheated' in any way by choosing a second one (after that it wasn't an option to have a normal delivery). I was with her throughout as I was for my other daughters deliveries and t.b.h. there was very little difference in recovery time etc. It was still a wonderful experience seeing your GC enter the world. At one time a CS seemed to necessitate long periods of recovery. Now they are up and about sometimes the same day. I took my daughter for a shower the day she delivered by CS and the day after she was up on her own! Some pain but then there is 'after pains' with vaginal deliveries too!

Am sure it will all be a wonderful experience no matter what but like all us mums....you will still worry about it all!

Can't wait to hear the news......

Just to add: My firstborn GC didn't die as a result of any mishaps in labour. It was a congenital condition and they only noticed something was wrong at 36 weeks so she was rushed for an emergency section. For her second she was given the option of a CS or a normal delivery. She choose a CS and for the subsequent two there was no option. Just thought I forgot to say that and didn't want you to worry more.....

Wow there is NOTHING to feel guilty about. It's not gonna hurt anyone else, and it's not a test of virtue to have a natural birth. I mean St Peter doesn't stand at that gate and say "Oh no you can't come in you sinner you didn't have a long painful labour" lol. My best wishes for your lovely grandchild-to-be

I'm not normally a fan of elective c sections but I think in your daughter's case it makes sense to go for it. I know you've got the operation to recover from but you can feel pretty crippled after a normal birth. What she shouldn't do is feel at all guilty about it. The important thing is the safe delivery of the baby, and the baby won't care how it happened.

Fellow, I really feel for you and am glad that your DD has come to a decision about the birth. Feeling guilt about a C section which is in the best interests of mother and baby is unnecessary. When she holds her baby hopefully those feelings will go. My DD had a horrible pregnancy and labour and would, I think, have willingly had a C section but it was too late. Good luck and enjoy your new grandchild!

My daughter has3 children and was advised after the second not to have any more,due to op surgeries shed had unrelated to pregnancy.
Im medically trained so knew the risks but she went against all advice and had a third.She didn't tell me or her dad until she was 20 weeks allegedly to save us the worry.
She was lucky and with 3 specialists at her section she was very well cared for.
It took her family and all four GP of 6 months intensive support to get the family back on their feet.
My advice would be rest up now,you'll be pulled in all directions once the baby comes.other advice is,it usually turns out ok a year down the road.....

Please tell your daughter that she has no reason to feel guilty about having a C section. Whichever way a baby is born, it’s never a walk in the park! Labour and C sections both have their problems, but the health of Mum and baby is all that matters. It’s ridiculous that there’s any stigma attached to any method of giving birth.

My first baby was induced, my second delivered by C section. Though her dad was the first to hold her, before I had come round (you could have a general anaesthetic in those days!), I bonded with my second as immediately and deeply as I had with my first. Don’t believe people who tell you that it makes a difference.

When my second DD had her second child, she had a placental abruption during labour. She and the baby both nearly died. Now she is thinking of having another baby, and I’m terrified at the thought of her going through that again.

I sympathise with you - worrying about your your daughter’s pregnancy is worse than worrying about your own! - but it sounds like she’s made the right decision.

My mum had the most terrible time having my brother and I in the middle of the last century, I had no trouble at all delivering, DD1 has had three C sections, so glad she has made her decision and wish you all possible fun with your grandchild. How lucky we are not dealing with this a hundred years ago!