Receiving or not receiving cards and gifts

He has just told you how he feels and you don't agree. That doesn't mean that he is wrong although. It sounds like his way of explaining it was unfortunate but if you want a good relationship in future you have to respect his views. You want different things from the relationship but this should not be enough to harm it if you can just accept that it won't include gifts and cards.

It’s not the card that matters but caring about each other. Some people, often male,aren’t into cards.

Your OP reminded me of this scene in The Big Bang Theory.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=QJY7dWfNpT8

Stop the gifts and cards - he might realise what it is like to be on the other end of his theories. If not, do you really want to pander to an ingrate’s self-importance?

Unfortunately, physical greetings cards are a dying tradition, particularly amongst younger people.

Facebook greetings are easier, cheaper, more environmentally friendly and quicker and, as Facebook reminds you on your "friends'" birthdays, you don't even have to remember the date!

There are so many discussions on gransnet when I feel like sending exactly the same comment, so here goes (for the first time!): You cannot change other people. You can only change your attitude to them. Accept him for who he is and keep your loving approach to those who appreciate it. End of advice!

seems that on here a lot of you give in expectation of getting something back...not how I think at all.I give because I want to and am happy for my family NOT to spend their hard earned cash on things I dont need or could easily buy for myself

Different families have different ways of doing things, I don't think there are rights and wrongs its what works for you. My grandson is 16 now and we've always been close. Hus dad, my son, buys all the family cards but my grandson always buys me a little gift and even a little bunch of flowers on mother's day. I think the time will come when he's older and things may change but I enjoy now and will accept what happens in the future.

my son is in an industry where he often works a 90 hour week.....and thats not counting travelling time.His Gran knows that ,and if he hasn't had a chance to pick up a card and post she wouldn't be creating a fuss.In the scheme of things she knows he needs to work to support himself and his child and she's a bit lower on his list of priorities...it doesn't mean he doesn't love her ...its just a card for goodnes sake

You have your answer, he sets no store by that stuff, stop sending cards and gifts and just be cordial when you meet up.

Cards are something men don't think much about, they are a waste of time and money as far as many are concerned (not all but many) men regard those things as a female mystery like cushions on the bed.

Don't be hurt or angry, he has been honest with you, save some money and stop sending things.

I wouldn’t expect cards or presents from an adult grandchild. We send presents to grandchildren, nephews/nieces up to the age of 21.

I think gillybobs suggested text is a good one. He communicates by text ...so send him Happy birthday texts rather than cards maybe?

Carol I wonder if he has Aspergers? Does sound rather like it to me.
Either way, send him a card but maybe give up presents now he is older ( I always sent cards for my DGP’s birthdays) although once I grew up, they just sent a card.Which seems right, once you are an adult.
It’s hard for you, but you may have to accept that it’s just the way he is.

He obviously doesn’t see the importance of cards/ gifts- I wonder what he does with the ones you send him? Probably slung on the side and forgotten about. I would just send him a text next year. As others have said, a 23 year old in London will have much more to do than think about card buying - I think this will die out as we rely more on social media.

I think in a real world you will find not many young men of 23 will be sending family cards it ll probably be the most they can manage to buy a girlfriend one How many men send cards and presents ?? ( I know you ll all tell me about your wonderful husbands who always do but in my experience most rely on mothers then girlfriends and wives)

I would love to think I would carry on getting cards and presents from my grandkids, a habit that their mums and dads have set in motion since they were small, but I m completely sure I won’t so to be honest I think your expectations are far too high and I think it’s silly to complain to his mum which will only cause more trouble

Is this the first year he’s missed if so I think you ve done blooming well

Well maybe my family are strange/ unusual or whatever ? But we all care about each other . My DGC are still young but I feel sure they have been brought up to remember where they came from . Maybe they are lucky to have been part of a 5 generation family . I'm not sure x

My children all gave grand parents cards and gifts via me buying them until they were adults. Since then grandparents never get anything, not even cards.

I think that once adults it is up to them what they do. CarolB25 I would stop buying him presents, maybe still a card, but nothing else. There comes a time when sometimes you just need to stop.
My parents still buy cards for their grandchildren, but haven't bought them presents for many years.

The only one of my 5 Grandsons who sends a physical birthday card is the married one. The others wish me a FB Happy Birthday I cannot say say it bothers me one bit. I would move on and carry on as normal.

TBH I think you are being unrealistic, young men in their 20s have other things on their minds and picking a card for granny probably does not come high on his list of priorities. I would not complain to him and his mother you may be poking a hornets nest.

That's such a shame Carolb but I'm am not sure how you can change his personality. You are either a natural caring person or you are not.

I wonder if he treats his mum the same? If he gets away with his non caring attitude because he is so "intellectual" and everyone is in awe of his cleverness? Forgetting where you came from is not clever. Could you possibly drop him a text (which won't infringe on his precious time) and say something like "I don't want to fall out with you XXXX you are my precious only grandson... but I would like to hear from you now and again and would have really loved a text on my birthday.... just to know you care"

I don't know really this could go one of two ways. He might send a nice text back or might think "oh god, she's bloomin' well texting me now....grrrr "

I hope someone can give you better advice than I can. My 3 DGC are all still small (11,9 and 7) and still at the showering me with cards and kisses stage. It's a shame they have to grow up isn't it? x

Of course it was hurtful, compounded by the text. I’d leave it for now and just resume normal contact, whatever that was.
Although, now I mark all relatives and friend’s birthdays, I don’t think I always remembered my Grandparents birthdays when I was younger.
Except the one born on Christmas Day!

Yes, I realise that but I can't undo my daughter's parenting. He's always been quite highly strung and sensitive. I think she was always worried about him tipping over the edge. I should have added she's my only child and he's an only child.

he's treated with kid gloves and never criticised

and there lies the problem Carolb25 .