Wedding sadness

I know some people really want to share their grandchildren with the wider family, but I honestly couldn't care less whether I meet other people's grandchildren at weddings or elsewhere. It's lovely to take pleasure in your own, but all little ones can be very restless, confused, unhappy & bored by big occasions and it can be a dreadful strain for the parents (& others!) My own daughter missed being a bridesmaid at 5 (measles) but we dressed her up when the spots had gone in all her finery with a little bouquet and took photos for her & for anybody else who wanted them!

I would offer money for the flight and then if there were excuses.. well then it's not about the money but something else I would surmise.

When my cousin was getting married there were no children invited to the wedding. My aunt phoned me in a panic, because my uncle had told another niece she could bring her children, as she said she had no babysitter. Auntie was scared I'd take umbrage, but I assured her Bodach and I would enjoy it better without them!
I suspect the couple are taking the opportunity for some child free time, so you'll just have to keep silent, I'm afraid.

I do not agree with the others who are basically advising you to tip-toe around your elder son to avoid a fallout. Tell them straight how their decision is making you feel. Discuss with them ways you can sort things - even if this means you taking the children for all or part of the way. (they usually behave better for Grandparents in my experience) and offer to look after them for some of the time they are there - Children are hard work and if they have them all the time they won't enjoy the wedding the same.

Yes, you keep quiet. Ok, they're using their kids as an excuse, so what? They have their reasons and they're trying to be tactful so accept it or risk accelerating this into something you really don't want.

Unless things have changed, attendance at a close relative's wedding would be authorised, as you can't choose the date yourself. One of the teachers at my school was refused a day's LOA for her own wedding though, and had to rearrange it.

I can't think it's adding to the bride's happiness to have her bridesmaid cancelled at this stage though. Let's hope the bridesmaid's dress wasn't too big a slice of the wedding budget.

Sad, but it's the parents decision to make and really not yours, even if you wanted to "show off your Gks". Accept their decision gracefully and as Lemongrove says, leave things alone from this point forward and focus on the happiness of the young couple getting married because it's their time for happiness.

This seems apposite, from @RobGMacfarlane:

"Word of the day: "resfeber" - 'travel-fever'; the mingled anxiety & excitement, felt in the body, that precedes a journey (Swedish)."

I reckon some people feel this much more strongly than others, just as some people, however rewarding they find looking after young kids, also find it hard work and might want the occasional break from it so that they can relax and enjoy their brother's wedding, for instance, without having to be on kid alert the whole time.

Yes I don't understand all the posts about missing school it was stated quite clearly that it was dated for half term purposely

Honestly all I can say it's an excuse they didn't want to go at all but have done the least they can

Have you ever met the children jojojo? I feel really sad for you I used to take three small children plus suitcases ( no wheels then) on three trains five hour journey plus station waits, every year to see my Mum and Dad and Nan of course it can be done It's if you want to do it !

Nothing you can do but bite the bullet perhaps it's your daughter in law putting pressure on your son

You'd be unlikely to get an absence authorised for a wedding these days - there's no way you would in my LA. But that doesn't mean you can't do it. We have had to cancel our younger kids first ever holiday this year due to a family emergency so I am thinking of taking them out for a day for a long weekend at somewhere like centerparks - it won't be authorised but that doesn't mean we can't do it.

However TBH there's no reason not to go up the day before if they really wanted to. That must be the upsetting but for OP.

I think it's best to leave it and make sure you enjoy this special day in your sons life. In any event I think it may well cause upset if they now tell the bride/groom that they've changed their minds again and decided to bring the children!

Don't let this spoil your enjoyment .....

Why for weddings and not for holidays, I wonder? Holidays are important family times too.

On other threads, ones about people taking kids out of school for holidays, there has been a lot of argument against doing just that and yet, for this occasion, people seem to think it doesn't matter.

I travelled long lengths of the country with young kids both by train and by car (me doing all the driving; it once took us thirteen hours because of a fan belt break and later snow all through Scotland to get from Oxford to Dundee). I never found it a doddle, never found it easy. I just did it because I wanted to.

I can understand people not wanting to do it though. I can understand people wanting a few days away from their kids too.

So I agree with what jaycee says: accept these adults' decision and respect it. They don't have to behave as others would and they are not in the wrong by not doing so.

I suggested she might miss a day or two before half term in order to secure cheaper flights and also not be tired by her journey on the day of the wedding!
Hence the missing school idea.

Like another poster, I am at the top of education and know that absences for family weddings can be authorised.

The child would NOT be missing school. OP has said the wedding was arranged over half term so as to avoid that.

It happened to me when I was getting married, due to family illness, and I took my then 4 year old bridesmaid with me on the train from one end of the country to the other for the wedding so that she didn't miss out on 'our' big day.

The two year old won't know what he/she is missing so could stay behind with other family DIL's? who are not going to the wedding but could you take the six year old as she knows she will be missing out on being a bridesmaid?
Compromise?

And no one has mentioned the bride in all this. She is entering the family as a newbie and if it were me, I would always feel a bit hostile towards the family who removed one of my bridesmaids from the list at short notice.

Can't you just take the child who is bridesmaid with you so she doesn't miss out and you have at least one with you.

Weddings ! Do any just happen without someone being upset ! We always travelled long distance thro the night and my 3 always slept right thro. It does seem a shame they won't take the GK's as it's seldom that you get your entire family together when they live a distance away. It's important to us Mums/Nans but not so important to others it seems. I presume they know you are upset, but ultimately just bite the bullet ?

My children traveled from Cambridge to Cornwall every year for our annual holiday and as long as we had enough stops everything was fine. Our daughter, our eldest, first travelled to Cornwall at the age of 6 months and she was fine. I can't see the problem, myself.

Children love a train journey. What a shame they are missing out.

We always used the train to go on holiday when our children were very you g. We always went abroad often to italy and journeys could be long. One of our longest was two full days and a night on the train. Our youngest was 2, the other 4.
I always packed small things to occupy them, but the train occupied them to the extent that i rarely needed to use these diversions. Children love travelling on a train.
Those were the days when you had to carry luggage, no wheels on our cases. It was awkward at times especially when changing trains on the journey, but definitely manageable.
Sorry you are disappointed, also that your granddaughter wont be a bridesmaid. Might they change their minds?

It's a bit thoughtless of them to only announce the children won't be coming AFTER they accepted the bridesmaid role and the dress was bought.