Faux pas at toddler group

I was in a similar situation Alea, but that was many years ago.

I was taking our youngest son to his play school, where I got to know a lady who came from the same region in the UK, where I was brought up. So I knew her children but had never met her husband.
When going to collect my son I noticed her older child having his coat being put on by a man, who I thought looked the age to be the child's grandfather. So I stupidly remarked,
'Are you his grandfather?'
He turned his head with a smile and replied,
'No, I'm his father!'
Of course, all the apologies had to come out and we all did get on well.

You say that, but a friend of mine once drove a slightly younger friend to hospital when she started to go into labour while her husband was summoned from work. At the time my friend was perhaps in her early/mid forties and the mum-to -be certainly over 30.
"Ooh, is this Grandma?" Cooed the nurse admitting her. I think my friend forced herself to be very restrained in her reply !!

I used to take my grandson to Music with Mummy but in my case it was Music with Nan.

I had to get down on the floor, lift him up etc., and it was exhausting.

The other mums were very unfriendly and the one other gran who came with her daughter said she couldn't do what I was doing.

I'm very careful about is it a mum/or a gran. Women are having babies so much later now it's hard to tell.

I take my granddaughter to a Rhythm Time class which she absolutely LOVES. I've met one or two other grandmas ( and mums) that way. As far as I know it's a national group so there may be one not too far from you.

I'm 65 and do the nursery/ school walk for my grandkids 2 days a week. I thought I was on the same wavelength as a young mum I often chat to on the walk to
school. She's just happily told me her Mum was at school with my 35 year old daughter... to her I'm a greatgran!

At the other end of the scale...A Norwegian student teacher came on an exchange visit to the school where my sister was working. After the first week the student remarked on what close families we have in Britain and how nice it was to see older brothers and sisters bringing their siblings to school. My sister had to dis-illusion her by explaining that these were in fact the parents!

i noticed a couple on the school run whom I thought were grandparents but overheard their little girl calling them mum and dad, he is in his 60s I would estimate and she is in her 50s , so a very late baby.
My eldest grandson's best friend at school has a nephew one year younger than he is, so his mum also picks her grandson up from school.
I have been mistaken for mum a couple of times, which I find quite flattering as I am 63.

GS1 takes great pleasure in reminding me that I'm the oldest person in our family now - which sadly I am!

When I was in my early 40's and my DCs were about 7 and 9 a man standing next to us in a shop remarked how nice it was to see children out with their grandmother. When I laughed and said that I was their mother he shook his head and said:"I find that very hard to believe". There are no words!!

I've done it once (that I know of), and try to be a bit more careful now, but it's so easy to get it wrong with so many people starting families in their late thirties and forties these days!. Recently, I nearly made the same mistake again when doing the school run with the DGC, but bit my tongue and decided to ask 3-year-old DGD, who is at pre-school with one of the children concerned, if the (grey-haired) adult was X's mummy or grandma. DGD's answer saved me from embarrassing myself yet again

Well, someone did once ask me at our Toddler Group whether I was DGS's grandma. I felt flattered for about five minutes till I realised that two regulars there are older childminders. Back to reality

I would always err on the safe side if I was unsure whether someone was a child's parent or grandparent by assuming (to their face at least,even if I privately thought otherwise) that they were the parent. Far better for them to be flattered for thinking them younger than they are!

I get annoyed when people think I'm my husband's mother, lol. Must do something about my grey hair.

Years ago my son, then aged 6, informed me that no-one else in his class had a mum anywhere near as old as I was! (I was 35 when he was born, considered old then)
Of course to him that was a compliment as when you are 6 you do want to be older don't you so he thought I would too.

TinyTwo I know what you mean about the distance between mum's and grannies at some of these groups. Trouble is they seem to have closed friendship groups and newcomers, especially older ones, are not really wanted.

Hope you find some genial company for you and your young charge amongst some more opened-minded mums, or genuine grandparents, as it can be a lonely 'occupation'.

When I was in my forties I worked at a nursery. One of the children asked if I was a mummy or a granny! I wasn't offended. I was in that age group where I could have been either.

That happened to me years ago. I had 3 small children at the time and an acquintance sid to me 'how lovely that you are having another' ! I was horrified and said did I look pregnant? She immediately backtracked and saidNo no I just wondered if you were thinking of having another now the youngest is getting bigger! But I wasnt fooled and threw out the smock dress I d been wearing. (It was in the 80s )

I did that once years ago. I emphasise ONCE. Not a mistake you make twice!!!! I feel for you tiny two.

The other one I try to avoid is " when is the baby due?"

I went through infants and junior school with everyone thinking my mum was. My grandma. She was 37 when I was born and she did look older. Luckily she paled up with another older mum so I had a friend in the same position. And we're still friends, but are aging much better than our mums did!

My Dad used to chat to another older man collecting a child when DD was in Reception. Wretched man even used to refer to "Us grandads". Then I met the child's mother at a party and referred to our dads chatting to be told very snottily that the man was her husband. Have tried never to make assumptions like that since, but failed miserably on several occasions.

Oh, I've done that, granjura. Held the door open for a woman with a lot of shopping bags and said that she really shouldn't be carrying such a lot in her condition. There was really no way back when she snapped that she wasn't pregnant.

Oops, so easily done these days isn't it? Think you just have to plod on (and apologise if it seems necessary); you won't have been the first time to have out your foot in it.

I've found the Music With Mummy sessions that I've taken GS 1&2 to have been good. Ithink it's because we do so much singing together that it seems easier to chat afterwards.

Once or twice I've had someone ask me if I was Mummy or Granny, but I fear they were just being nice!

Ooops. I felt really bad when we met one of my really nice ex 6th Former from my tutor group in an Indian restaurant. We had a really nice natter then I asked how many months she was to term- and she wasn't pregnant. Just didn't know what do to or say that would make things better - ouch!

I've done it. But to be fair, he was 70 and he was taking his 4yr twins to nursery.