Some good news at last!!! :-)

..And unfortunately I don't hold out much hope for the above

I myself am happy to just move on from it and leave it behind me

Or cut my losses ( to my peace and happiness ) and just RUN as I have found it quite damaging to be honest

I think people can sometimes feel guilty when it is too late , some don't perhaps but I am 'better of out of it' is all I can say

Plus I will be FINE!!

It would be better for my GS if he saw we were getting on

Didn't want this to be a 'hostile ending' with the school OR the fc , but then they have to do their part too..

I am not going to be intimidated because of their job title , qualifications , or 'mouth' on them

Just gonna relax and be ME same with at my GS's sports day tomorrow as it's HIM I'm going for even though I could do without all this stuff going on around me

ONE day I CAN just 'relax' completely and simply 'enjoy' my GS without all this other bs going on around me , the foster carer will be out of my life and so will the school once he changes school and hopefully the new school WON'T judge me or have preconceived ideas about me because my DD is an alcoholic and I can then RELAX with them and work with them WELL and get along with them in harmony which is actually BETTER for my GS and I would have LOVED to work WITH the fc and have a continuing relationship with her if things were good between us , didn't WANT to be 'glad to see the back of her' that's not ME either!! x

( I used to LOVE being involved with my childrens schools , worked in one for a while , staff were great , got on well with them , volunteered on the cake stall etc etc , got fully involved which I loved but the headmistress at my GS's school and SOME of her staff have PUSHED ME AWAY by their attitude towards me , even how they speak to me and I am being judged because of my DD's addiction and because of the neglect , can see their point of view but it hurts and alienates me and it is not exactly MY fault , or deserved and I can't help wish people were less judgmental after being on the brunt end of it now , lesson to me not to do the same! Might go and hug a homeless person now lol but it is horrible how we treat each other sometimes )

My hurt is coming out today but it's good to get it out as it is hurt beneath the anger xx

You are amazing nannynoo and your GS is one lucky boy. I do hope everything goes as smoothly as possible over the next few weeks..

It HURTS so much to have people judge me and look down their nose at me when all I am trying to do is the best for my GS and HIS happiness etc

Everything I do is wrong according to them , to the school , because my DD is an alcoholic so I must be a bad Mum and therefore bad / incompetant Grandmother and to the FC , because I am not as tough a cookie as she is , so I am weak and irrellevant , she dismisses me like I am NOTHING in this whole equation whereas to my GS I am EVERYTHING and the most important person apart from his Mum , the fc says he needs her ( I nearly wrote that the other way round ) and he DID but he doesn't any longer and I know she finds that hard but don't slate me in the process or put ME down , have never been a 'battle axe' and am a bit of a softie yes but don't misconstrue having a tender heart to being WEAK because I am most certainly NOT and am brave enough to stand up to bullies even though I shouldn't have to in this situation but I will and maybe it will make me thicker skinned to go along to school events , know some of the staff are looking down their noses at me but simply SMILE and CONCENTRATE ON MY GS as it is HIM I am there for

It just hurts when people are ''coming with ammo for you'' when I do not deserve it , it is their own 'stuff' this is about , not mine

HATE being the 'target' for others peoples angst etc and they need to sort out their own stuff not take it out on me because they think I am a 'softie' or 'weak' compared to them because I don't go in with all guns blazing and insult and attack people verbally , it's not the way for me

Calmness and quietness is NOT weakness and a 'quiet confidence' is a strength

The headmistress can look down her nose at me all she wants , she can make it clear to everyone she has an MBE , blah blah blah , but so what , there are more IMPORTANT things in life than that and at the real end of the day it doesn't mean sh*t

The hammer IS coming down for the FC nomatter how hard or how dirty she plays to battle it or try and stop it from coming down , it simply IS

Instead of battling it her SW needs to get alonside her to SUPPORT her in it

I can then simply concentrate my GS's happiness and security , jd , job done

Exactly Meercat! He knows the routine here , he was with me many times over the school years and I got him ready for school etc , it was a good routine including meals , bathtime and bed , you have to have a good routine for an Autistic child as they thrive in that and feel secure and safe and they absolutely need it on a daily basis

It went so smoothly , morning routine , after school routine plus some FUN which is not a crime either after everything he has been through he deserves it and the SW agrees he is allowed to be HAPPY and he IS happy here in his routine , yes we laughed a lot but that is because we were both SO happy to be together plus we laugh a lot anyway

The things they are pointing out as 'bad' or 'wrong' are just 'different to how she does it' but not VASTLY different at that it is simply a different BOND and relationship which seems to MIFF her

I think it will be FINE BUT am just dealing with the emotions around it all , especially anger as I feel this is so UNECCESSARY and a bit of a witch hunt to make them feel better or get what they want but to be honest it feels like victimisation and downright BULLYING which I don't like!

I will just stay calm and state my case for my GS ( not that I should have to but will go there and do it for HIM )

I HAVE to see it as just a formality even though there shouldn't even BE one and there is no need for a mud slinging match and everyone just needs to concentrate on DOING THEIR JOB

I am NOT going to let them 'put me on trial' though and have to explain or defend my carer capabilities , fact is I have been approved by SS , am more than capable to do the job and it is not up to them to assess ( or critisize ) my capabilities , so I will state my case for my GS but am NOT going to let myself be put on trial by them!

Don't mistake my 'calmness' for 'weakness' comes to mind

I certainly have my OWN boundaries too!!!!!!

I am sure it will be OK. With your SW on side I am sure it will happen the way she wants it and good thing that this is getting sorted while she is still here.

The FC argument doesn't make sense. If he was excited with you then all the more reason for him to understand right from the start that staying with you still means school, routine and boundaries!

Thank you SO much FarNorth , do need some words of encouragement as of course plan to simply remain calm and carry on , just have to let go of my anger and believe in myself as I KNOW I can and will do a good job

SADLY my SW is leaving at the end of July

She has been AMAZING and she said her mission before she leaves is to have him placed with me and this is the sort of thing she does her job for and the outcome is not always good but she is HAPPY with this outcome

Please pray that the new one is as good as her and supports me so well and so professionally as she has as the one before her was a NIGHTMARE!! lol

So it is a bit worrying as I don't get to choose of course and it seems to be pot luck who you get but I need another GOOD one on board and on my side and the side of my family as I can't see anyone being as good as this one but I live in hope!!

I feel like sending her flowers and chocolates and a plane ticket for a holiday and a gold medallion! lol xx

I can honestly say ''if only'' all SW's were like her the world would be a better place!!! x

Your SW sounds like she's on the ball, Nannynoo, so try not to worry. I'm sure she'll get it sorted out for you in no time.

I don't want the meeting to get too 'hairy' and will let them say their bit , say my bit and then leave it at that

Any more than that means we will be going round in circles and not getting anywhere as I feel no one is going to back down so we may have to simply agree to disagree and then get on with it

If it ends up a stalemate which I believe it will or gets too heated after everyone has said their bit I will just leave the meeting as no need for it to get heated etc or go round in circles over and over again and that will not achieve anything

So this is just another thing I will have to endure until the day my GS is with me

It is the 9th , not 7th July his move in date and lets hope it all goes smoothly once this meeting is out of the way .... I could very much DO WITHOUT this all though as I feel it is so uneccessary and does not benefit my GS at all whatsoever!!

I wish it wasn't like this , wish we could all work TOGETHER but we are unfortunately in 'disagreement' about what is best for my GS but if you ask him what HE wants he would say ''Nannys house right NOW''

There is predjudice going on here and I am bearing the brunt of it

I shouldn't HAVE to go to meetings and fight out my case when it is all aready prearranged for him to come to me anyway , it creates uneccesary hostility between us and THAT is not good for my GS

I REALLY should not be having to go through this , it is straight forward 28 days notice given whenever it is in the school term , child knows moving date , school and FC of course knows moving date , everyone prepares and prepares the child , child moves smoothly back to family member , everybody happy with HAPPY ending!

They are saying what difference does it make if he moves 2 weeks later , we are saying what difference does it make if he moves 2 weeks 'sooner' , still attends same school , still has a routine etc and is HAPPY

The SW is saying she would have had him here BEFORE the 28 days were up if she could!!! lol

It is the FC who has initiated all this but I feel it is to do with her emotional reaction to the move and feeling powerless in it etc and not accepting it

I have my GS's sports day this Thursday and the meeting is on Monday so I will have to just smile at the headmistress knowing she is raising objections to me having my GS before the end of term , lovely!! LOL x

It is all toughening up my skin though , but I just ''keep calm and carry on'' as this is for my GS's SAKE!!! x

Meercat - You put it all into words so beautifully well!!!

I thank God this SW is so good...

The foster carer , school and FC's social worker have asked for a MEETING to discuss the matter as they are 'raising objections'

The SW said to me today not to worry it WILL be going ahead nomatter what they say and she feels the FC is having trouble detaching and wants to extend it as long as possible because she also had family plans with him , had booked a holiday with him for September etc so it has come as a shock to her and it feel she can't quite believe it IS HAPPENING ie he IS comng to me!!!

The SW warned me the FC's SW is a bit of a battle axe! lol but my SW is a senior SW and NOT one to be BULLIED and it is HER decision at the end of the day and he is coming to me on 7th July and she wishes it could be sooner but legally the 28 days notice is up on that day

OMG it can't just be straight forward can it? lol ... I am just going to stay CALM at the meeting and state my case as what they seem to be going on is that I am SOFTER than the FC and that that will DISRUPT my GS but even the SW said NO it will simply mean that he is HAPPY!!!!!!

Thing is the SCHOOL are still going to have to RELATE to me after this when I drop him of and pick him up and not nice for me to know they were AGAINST the move in the first place , nice lol , but none of this surprises me as I have 'felt' their label from the start and I knew the FC would have trouble with the move!

Anyway the SW said it is still going ahead nomatter what they say but not nice for me to be torn apart at a meeting just because I do things differently to the FC and ''different'' is not ''bad'' and am not saying the FC has done a bad job and neither is the SW we are just saying I will do a good job TOO , just a DIFFERENT job because I am his blood relative with a different ( deeper ) bond and the FC HAS to understand that or try at least as this is her first placement and she will have to get used to the detaching in the future too x

On a personal note I think laughing together is therapeutic and it is going to be hard work so things like laughing together will help see us through , we have both had a hard time emotionally so to be free to laugh which IS the best medicine after all will be healing to our souls xx

Of course he was excited to be back with you. Perhaps the Foster Carer was a little bit put out when he didn't want to go back after his time with you and felt she had to justify the difference. Hence her comment. Because he was happy and excitement doesn't mean that you don't have boundaries!

As you say, the excitement will calm down as you both get used to being back together but the happiness will continue.

''Child leaves foster care and is reunited with loving and CAPABLE family'' oh how sad , we must delay it

( sorry for the sarcasm! lol )

If someone won the lottery they would be allowed to go to work in happy and celebratary mode ( if they chose to still work lol ) and everyone would be celebrating with them and sharing their joy ... The kids would be allowed to be EXCITED at school even more so if they had been in abject poverty for a long while and everyone ( mostly ) would be happy for them and share in the excitement / joy of it all with them and understand their excitement even if they had to settle them down in class ( or even at work lol )

This is a HAPPY ending , not a flipping SAD one lol and this is BETTER than ANYTHING in the world money could possibly buy!!!!! xxxxxxx

I just want to do the NORMAL everyday stuff , cook his dinner , take him to school , do baking with him , take the dog for a walk and have bath , cuddle time and bedtime!

I don't see what harm I would be doing and it is about him being happy

The last thing the SW said to me is ''we do want him to be happy you know!'' as I think she guessed I maybe thought it was ALL just about routine , care needs , discipline , clean orderly house , school interaction , medical care , nutrition etc etc etc ... and he IS 'allowed' to be HAPPY

He deserves it and so do I after what we have been though this past year , oh , and some JOY too

That is what I was thinking surely they realise he will be EXCITED to be at Nannys house after being away for so long and still be able to keep things in order? It is natural after so long and with the bond we have

If I was working I would have a hard time 'containing' my joy at work even and would be grinning like a cheshire cat and feel like high fiving everyone and letting out a ''whoop!'' LOL ... Singing in the corridors , doing a dance in the lift lol but generally at least 'UPBEAT'!!!

This is BETTER than winning the lottery for us!!!!!

But don't tire yourself out doing it. He will understand you both need some quiet time.

Just give him love and happiness. How can that be wrong? Surely the trained teachers at his school can cope?

I am hoping the SW will see that of course it is natural for us to be on cloud 9 especially at first , but we do have a different RELATIONSHIP than he has with the FC , we have always laughed a lot together and been happy together so although he will of course settle down and settle in there is a lot of joy in our relationship and always will be to a point I reckon and I CAN do the other stuff as well like discipline as it is not ALL fun and games

We are HAPPY together though and I don't think that is something to be ashamed of but yes I do understand routine and order which we do have and maybe we will laugh LESS after the joy of the separation ending but to be honest the joy and laughter has always been there

I will tame it down if I have to BUT I was just being 'natural' with him!

I am sure everything will fall into place

I just don't want to be judged ...

He does listen to me , is eager to please and is very compliant but I do 'get' him and understand him and I know him like the back of my hand so I want him to be himself too and flourish and the 'different boy' was a completely HAPPY little boy!!

Anyway am a bit fed up of justifying myself I understand the rules and boundaries but I am his NANNY / Grandma after all and does that really have to CHANGE?? I will be his GRANDPARENT carer , yes I will be his carer and do that role well too but you CANNOT separate the 'Grandparent' bit and the BOND we have and the RELATIONSHIP we have from it , it is all to do with his security as well and yes I 'do things differently' from the FC but every family IS different and I am not a bad carer or Grandmother just because we were / are so happy to be reuinted!!!!! And we are a cheerful family who laugh A LOT together even more so when my DD was well and yes we are dare I say it quite 'easy going' but if that has to change I will change it but what I struggle with is wanting to BE MYSELF!!!

I don't know who else I can be and the reverse of what the FC said is ''I am not her'' and how can I be? As long as I am not doing my GS any HARM and he is happy and secure that is what matters to me! xx

I am not perfect but I am a good Grandmother and I hope that shines through x

The foster carer said to me on Saturday ''I am NOT like you - I have boundaries and stick to them!!!''

Nice one lol ... I just smiled and said ''boundaries are good'' and they ARE but you CANNOT expect GRANDMA to be AS regimental as a non family foster carer has to be as there are less restrictions and yet of course there ARE boundaries in place , we are just freer to enjoy the 'flesh and blood real BOND' aspect of the relationship and surely that is not a BAD thing especially if a child is HAPPY and they have to remember he has been APART FROM ME and his family for nearly a YEAR so of COURSE he would be on cloud nine at first to be at ''Nannys house'' at LAST!!

He WILL settle down and settle in but it can't be blamed on ANYONE for him to be so full of JOY and full of beans after everything he had been through which of course he was hoping was coming to an END ie the separation! Only to be returned to the foster carer again which he was NOT happy about

So YES LETS do what is best for this little boy!! xxx

I do hope all goes well for you and your GS nannynoo but am a bit concerned that perhaps you've been overdoing the 'fun' a bit too much as children of that age do need boundaries, as I know you are aware.

Perhaps SS need to know that you are capable of keeping the little one on an even keel in the long term? It must be very hard to get the balance right as you are both so desperate to be together full-time.

I have written to the SW asking that the fact that he was so full of beans when he was with me not to be counted against me or him!!!

He was so HAPPY here and the school did notice that but maybe it was harder for them to have a ''bounding'' exceptionally cheery little boy on their hands with his cheeky sense of humour etc ( which he DOES have ) coming out , he cracks jokes which I 'get' even with his limited speech and we sing silly , funny songs together and do funny dances in the mirror when we clean our teeth together in the morning as we were just SO happy to be together at last!!!

I am hoping it will actually be unreasonable though to count a HAPPY little boy against him or me and would love to be involved with his end of term schooling and transition

I was thinking the same jinglebellsfrocks , if he is with me for the last few weeks of term he can make that transition of saying goodbye to his school friends / teachers / school more easy knowing at least ONE GOOD thing has happened , he is changing schools BUT he is living at Nannys house now and that is not changing ( for a good while at least ) as in THIS TIME he has moved in!!!

End of term / breaking up for summer is a lovely time and gets more relaxed at school and he can just relax and ENJOY the end of term , enjoy being here and it keeps him in his 'school routine' with Nanny for a while at least until September again , but it is good for him to associate living with me with attending school and also see that I am INVOLVED in his schooling!

The SW didn't think it would be a problem

I think the FC is concerned that I am more ''lax'' than her and we have more fun and enjoyment and laughter and things ARE more relaxed and less regimental with me and that that would disrupt his schooling and he was a ''different boy'' when I had him for the 6 days as was going to school so HAPPY which did also mean he was more full of beans , cheekier ( he has a cheeky sense of humour when happy! ) and a bit more hyper as there IS more freedom at my house even though of course I do have boundaries etc it is more relaxed and fun and full of lots of affection etc and he was practically BOUNCING in to school coz he was so happy and they said they knew he was more full of beans because he was HAPPY but then they have a more hyper boy to deal with and that could be 'counted against me' and I think it is as the school is in agreement with the FC

It feels like people are making judgements about me which is never nice as I look after him WELL , we DO have a routine , there is just more fun , laughter and freedom involved at HOME with FAMILY!

I would rather him go to school happy and full of beans than passive and not happy and I do understand it is easier for the school when he is more subdued and passive BUT his new school will have a happy little boy from DAY ONE x