Grandparents rights

Inbetween I'm of the opinion that GP's shouldn't have rights .
Its up to the parents who their children see and when.I used to step in when my in-laws insisted on cuddles and kisses and my kids didnt want to kiss grandpa .Why should they be made to? I wouldn't want to kiss someone just because they thought I should.
It didn't make me popular with my FIL but at that stage of our relationship he couldn't stand me anyway ,so no change there .
An awful lot of GP's think they should make the decisions instead of the parents ,dont let them .
I see my GC a lot and always have ,but I dont and never have overstepped the mark .Its mums rules always ,even in my house and thats how it should be .

Are you in the UK dante because unfortunately, to have any hope of being able to see your grandson, you'll need to prove and existing and consistent relationship before you were prevented from seeing him.

Evidence of such a relationship is required by the courts to consider whether not you'll be granted permission to go to the next stage.

As your son is not on the birth certificate, DNA testing would in all probability be required to prove that he is the father of this child and from what you've posted, that doesn't look something the mother would agree too unless ordered by the courts.

I have never seen my grandson who was born 22/03/22. My son is not on the birth certificate, they were never married. My son's ex girlfriend left him when she was eight months pregnant and accused him of all kinds of bad things. We went to court for the anti molestation order and it was thrown out due to lack of evidence on 08/06/22. There are no legal rights for grandparents to see their grandchildren and we have to deal with filling in forms and seeking permission from the court because the ex girlfriend has blocked all family members from her and the child.
I am devastated. There's no need for this since we all treated the ex girlfriend with respect and kindness.

MissAdventure

Yes, but I'm sure we could still get three days' worth of arguments out of it.

You may well be right there!

This my not be the same thing, but I think that grandparents do have some rights in relation to their grandchildren in some circumstances.

I say this because I knew someone whose daughter had a child out of wedlock and social services were pushing for the child to be adopted. And the child's grandmother objected and said she would bring up the child. Social services, I was told, tried to convince the grandmother, at the time in her early sixties and on her own, to "be reasonable" and sign a piece of paper declaring whatever it was, and she refused. And she took the child in and brought the child up.

So it seems she did have some rights, else the child would have been adopted against the grandmother's wishes. I don't know the whole circumstances, but I do know that the child's mother was not dead, as the mother and child met at some later time.

Yes, but I'm sure we could still get three days' worth of arguments out of it.

This thread was originally posted 10 years ago

This question is often asked. I believe the answer may be that nobody has "rights" except the children's parents.

I know I don't want "rights" over anything not mine. Maybe who owns the "rights" is to the point.

I too am speechless. @inbetween. Not all circumstances are the same, for grandparents or for the parents. You've got a bee In Your bonnet about your resentment.

I've just found this threadby the OP. I don't know of any grand parents who have considered court action because they don't think they see enough of their grand children. But I do know what it's like to be denied any contact whatsoever. My gc is 2 years and 9 months old and we haven't had contact with him since he was 8 months.

We see him because our son lives a 2 minute walk down the road from our house. So, we occasionally drive past him when he's with them and/or the child minder.

Children aren't possessions to be fought over they're to be loved by their entire family. I don't doubt that there are some grand parents who, no matter how much time they spend with their grand children still want more. Sadly, there are an increasing number who like us, have been denied any contact at all and the pain that causes can't be imagined

my grandchildren was taken away from their family,my daughter had a drug habit and when she found out she was pregant she gave it up,and the social workers got involved and went to court for a interm care order, after she had the twins 3 months early thay stayed in hospital for 8 months as thay was very small,the social workers found foster mothers for them both,and thay seperated my grandaughters,so far apart,how wicked when thay spent 8 months together in hospital,i visited my grandaughters everyday and night,from morning to late in the evening sometimes early in the morning,i took 2000 photos off them and lots off videos,my daughter has never seen her baby girls because she went blind 11 months ago,its heart breaking to hear her cry and sob every night,we went to court last friday where the social workers wanted the jugde to grant them a order for them to be adopted seperatly and i get to see them not together once aweek,then 4 times a year,i have been very ill over all this,i miss and love my grandaughters so much,thay have only known me and where i was there all the time,feeding them.changing them.and caring for them,social workers lied so much in files and made it look like i couldnt take care off my grandaughters,the 1st twin was born with spina bifda and had a shunt put in her head,and 2nd twin was born with a tethered spina bifda not the same has twin 1,she also had her bowels taken out, i have cared and love my grandchildren all off their little lifes,now thay was taken away from me,i am hopeing there is still some way i can get my grandchildren to be returned to there own family,

Don't be afraid of the grandparents taking you to court, you are their parents and you know best it sounds like your kids don't like seeing them and if your just grinning and bearing it out of fear it doesnt sound worth it, they obviously aren't enriching your childs lives! I don't think there is a great deal to be worried about chin up and good luck x

Families!!! As long as you love your children that's all that really matters. Always 2 sides to everything so stop and think who really matters in this relationship .Be kind to granny respect her but be firm don't go rushing around to visit if u don't really want to but ring and face time regularly that way she knows you are thinking of her and can chat away to grandchildren and it only takes a short time of your weekend .that works for us and may for u

Ooer! I seem to miss all the nastiness.

Cripes , where has THAT all come from ?

How dare you say that stuff. Do you know that some of us grandparents are raising our grandchildren. You have now idea what you are talking about. You are not even a grandparent. I hope you never have grandchildren.

Nana reported

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Hi
I am from Manchester and I am trying to strengthen interest in Grandparents rights in hopes that the bill ensuring grandparents rights will be pushed through soon. I have just started a twitter account to create a network of people who would sign a petition and do whatever is necessary to ensure that Grandparents get their right, please join and show your support. Twitter: @GrandParentsUTD
I'm hoping to meet with my local MP in a week and post some updates soon.
Thank you
Meena

This is interesting. When I was a young mum we did in fact put our own lives on hold quite often so that the children could see their grandparents.

It was me who tried very hard to create a family atmosphere and put up with an awful lot of criticism from mum and mum and dad in law. I used to make huge roast dinners, bake cakes, be pleasant and bite my lip. Every Christmas we had the in-laws and mum for Christmas day and it was often torture because nothing was ever right, not even the huge home made Christmas cake with marzipan made from scratch. My mother - law once said "If I made a sponge cake like that I'd make it into a trifle". I didn't respond because I didn't want to have a big argument. They would be going home later so what was the point.

My adult kids now remember it all with fondness and don't remember any of the stress that was going on because I kept the peace.

I think it's a generational thing. We were brought up to respect our elders and have a sense of duty. I don't regret it for a moment because I thought it was important for the kids to have grandparents in their lives, no matter how undermining they could be. I also felt it was my job to try and make things as pleasant as possible and take it all on the chin with a sweet smile (sometimes it looked more like a grimace, I must be honest.)

I had a group of lovely friends and we used to "let off steam" together over endless cups of black coffee.

I think the difference now is that because mum's are working they do need weekends to be with their partners and kids as a proper family. With both parents working they do get really exhausted and just want a couple of days quality time with their children. It doesn't last long, before you can turn around they've turned into teenagers.

Well the she still wont come here, my partner had a meeting with her and apparently a few words where exchanged about the relationship just between the two of them, Still not fixed by the way.

She has RSVP'd for us to a rather large family event without asking us if we was going or not next month over a important birthday weekend in our family so we may well be away.

One of my children in the last few weeks has come out with some shocking words about said nanny. "I only have one nice nanny and that's nanny X" My mum is nanny X, "nanny Y is nasty she takes my things", "nanny Y does not let me take my toys home" On this last one we are talking about presents for him for birthdays and Christmas's that he has been made to open at their house and is then told upon trying to bring home they MUST stay at their house, Que crying child who does not understand why santa wants his toys to stay there and why Nanny Y wont let him have his birthday presents. We have not been around for just under a week now and had 3 phone calls last night.

Anyone have work and a house far far away we can have? I joke but somethings got to give

Let's not throw the baby out with the bath water here. Some grandparents do genuinely need a little help, some don't and are fit enough to help young families; some grandparents have fitted in with traditions of the family being together on Christmas or Boxing Day and assumptions are made that they expect this every time, when they don't; some young families have routine expectations of babysitting and childcare that grandparents are finding onerous - there are so many different arrangements. Let's not generalise from the specific.

We all have to be flexible and reciprocate according to our individual circumstances. Parents who live 200 miles away will perhaps want to cram more contact in when they do travel or the family visits, whilst those who are close by can have contact in short bursts.

I live very near my daughter and her partner loves his Saturday afternoons to relax and watch football, but he will be flexible if circumstances need it. I have sisters that I want to see frequently, especially as one is very ill, but things can be swapped round if I am needed for babysitting or to help take the babies to the clinic or for hospital appointments if dad can't get home from work for them.

Families give and take, so I wonder what is going on when there are massive objections to seeing grandchildren infrequently, or young parents are saying they don't want to make or receive visits at weekends, every weekend. I understand parents working 6 days a week wanting their one day to be together, but to the exclusion of all else every week? Something a bit out of kilter there - there's room for flexibility, I would have thought. More likely that they are all knackered and looking for someone to take their frustrations out on. And what better than having a day off when you don't need to do much because grandparents have provided Sunday lunch and kept the children amused? What's coming across is that some couples don't like the in-laws, so they're finding reasons not to have contact. But they don't represent every parent and grandparent.

Surely, an odd visit here and there isn't expecting too much? And grandparents shouldn't be made to feel they can't ask for a little help with carrying a heavy object or putting the odd light bulb in so they don't break their necks falling off the step-stool. We don't object to changing nappies, feeding babies, or taking them out for walks to give parents a break. Give and take!

Of course - but as said before, hard working parents with young children also need some time to themselves. Just trying to say that 'some' grand-parents, perhaps, might expect a little too much. Like every week-end or Sunday with grand-children, or every Christmas, or phone calls every day, or to be taken shopping every Thursday, or whatever. Only some, but they do exist, and it can cause unnecessary tensions in a couple/family.

As grand-parents we sometimes need to get on with our own lives too, and not rely TOO much on our grown-up children and grand-children, to some extent.

One of my neighbours here is constantly phoning her son and requesting a lift, to go shopping, to put up a shelf, move it to somewhere else, and on and on. And her dil, a really nice young woman with a heart of gold, does feel really put on at times.