Silly news reports.

She worked in Greggs serving sausage rolls, when asked what she thought of the customers her reply came as a shock "puffed up, flaky and half baked"

A prolific author was today ‘outed’ for copying other authors work.
A literary agent for one of the copied authors said she hopes they throw the book at him.

Spurned Woman who Bombarded Ex with Yankee Candle Gift sets declares
"I'll always hold a flame for him even if it does get on his wick"

ClicketyClick

Male arrested after police spotted a suspiciously small package in his underwear.

Shouldn’t that be a large package?😁

We're past the watershed, so.....
Ann Summers to pull their much acclaimed new vibrator.
Head of marketing, Stanley Sleeze remarked "i would say it just got off to a shaky start".

MissAdventure

The new blind shop is to close, resulting in 100 job losses.
An anonymous employee told our reporter "I'm afraid it's curtains for us".

I had to read this one twice as it didn't make sense...
Then I realised it wasn't the RNIB shop 🙄

Thank you all! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

ClicketyClick

Male arrested after police spotted a suspiciously small package in his underwear.

Male arrested after police spotted a suspiciously small package in his underwear.

The atmosphere in the light shop was electrically charged between the two members of staff. They thought no one noticed their on off interaction behind the standard lamps. They just weren't that bright. Their subterfuge was really quite illuminating.

The manger of a local furniture warehouse wss unrepentant last night, having been accused of giving away thousands of pounds worth of sofas and chairs
He said "I'm not going to take this sitting down!"

Dairy Farm Worker sacked for Creaming off Profits!
Farmer Giles sadly commented "he milked it for all it was worth and then tried to butter me up, I just feel so churned up".

There were reports of trouble at a football match. A witness said "a group of people were standing around and suddenly they were all kicking off".

A nun has appesred in court today, facing charges of stealing clothing from others at the nunnery.
The judge branded her a "habitual thief"

A female employee of Dreamy Beds is to take several members to a tribunal to face claims of sexual harassment.
An unnamed source said "If money for loss of earnings is awarded, we'll all feel the pinch

She was in a shoplifting mood, first the habadashery, easy to pull the wool over their eyes, they never cottoned on, far too bright as a button was Modam!

The kipper factory is to close for good next week, amid claims of financial misdeeds.
Manager, Rodney Hardcastle said "I always suspected something fishy was going on".

A fight broke out in a Fish and Chip Shop, when the chips were down several of the staff were battered. Next day the the manager called the main agiatator to apologise. "Pollocks!" came the reply

Doctor doctor, i keep thinking I'm a puppy.
"Well, lie on this couch and we'll see what we can do".
I can't! I'm not allowed on the furniture.

Doctor, doctor I feel like a pig. Doctor, how long have you been feeling like this.
Patient. A weeeeek!

Brilliant!

Shoplifters in a Disney shop who snaffled famous merchandise featuring a famous Disney mouse were accused of taking the Mickey by shop Manager.

The new blind shop is to close, resulting in 100 job losses.
An anonymous employee told our reporter "I'm afraid it's curtains for us".