Silly news reports.

No sure how saucy we are allowed to be! Apologies if this is not suitable!

A woman had a designer vagina operation. After the op she received three bunches of flowers. One from her husband, one from her surgeon and one from a grateful burns victim thanking her for his new ears.

Cinema goers queued to see the new film, which is a sequel to both free willy and my left foot.

Its called my free foor willy.

Man arrested for breaking into a dog Treat Factory Claims
"I have a right to Choose"

top thread

A policeman gets an urgent call that a body has been found in an ice cream van. Upon rushing to the scene, he discovers a man covered from head to toe in hundreds and thousands, with chocolate flakes up his nostrils, and raspberry sauce all over his head. A puzzled onlooker asks the officer what happened, and the policeman replies: "It looks like he topped himself."

Ha ha these are brilliant! 😁

The manager of a vintage record shop today denied claims that Elvis Presley songs are being targetted.
Asked to comment, he dismissed it as "Suspicious minds".

You're great at this.
There's a feather in your cap, eh?

Ivor Bucket, Winner of Britain's Best Cleaner mops up tears as Judges reveal "he absolutely wiped the floor with his competitors"

A milliner today was cheerful as his long standing rival revealed plans to open the worlds best trilby outlet.
Mr Stipple said "Well, I take my hat off to him"

A tribunal heard today how the c.e.o of a margarine factory told his secretary told her he "yearned to cover her in I Can't Believe It's Not Butter"
When questioned about why she said nothing, she claimed "Well, he told me not to spread it,".

Cricket Pitch Streaker who became Vicar describes How He Tuned the Other Cheek!

He’d been a limo driver for 25years but never had a customer. All that time and nothing to chauffeur it

ClicketyClick

Police reported that the man who died falling from a 6th floor nightclub wasn't a bouncer.

ClicketyClick that's terrible 😂😂😂

In the local newspaper today.

The village hardware store was broken into overnight by three unidentified males. It seems all they took was 10 metres of rope.

Police are looking for them but believe they have skipped town.

If life makes you the butt of jokes, don't crack up, smile and have a thong in your heart!

Mr Salt has started a business building yachts from home. Sails are going through the roof

Toilet Seat Manufacturer Goes Down the Pan!
CEO sadly admits this was "the best of all his Big Jobs"

A photographer was injured today when a large block of cheddar fell on him. To be fair the people he was taking a photo of did try to warn him

Meanwhile, a bittet feud has ended with one plumbing company being forced to close
"Twenty years down the drain" said owner Usain Ubend, tearfully.

Police reported that the man who died falling from a 6th floor nightclub wasn't a bouncer.

Workers went on a protest march today, after big boss at brass instrument fsctory accused of "always blowing his own trumpet".

The Glazier who turned up to repair the broken window was a right pane! When he left I felt shattered.

A psychic knocked down by a car, told the police he didn't see it coming.