Silly news reports.

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And in today's paper...

🤣🤣🤣

Asked about his role in the cosmetics department in Boots , the store detective said, “I shadow thieves to the checkout.”

And in today's paper...

"I like to be current" well that's ok as long as you don't get crossed wires.

I could go on, but I'd better put a sock et in it!

The prize has to go to MissAdventure! Perhaps people don't have enough drawers for their knickers.

Drunken woman when questioned why she hijacked a ferry replied that she was Jack Sparrow.

Thank you from me too MissA. Loved your E by gum. Inspired

TerriBull

"People were shocked when the local electrician went out of business" well yes, he was probably a bright spark

I like to be current

"People were shocked when the local electrician went out of business" well yes, he was probably a bright spark

Oh, no; thank you people for joining in.
Silly lot!

Thank you MissAdventure. This is just what we needed.

Distraught Owner of Soft Top Sports Car which was Sprayed with Slurry says he
"can't believe how quickly the event unfolded, all at once it was set in motion"

Campsite thief Billy Can described by police as "intense"

When old McDonald retired from the farm they brought in a new C-i-E-i-O

People were shocked when the local electrician went out of business

When the local frisbee shop was closing down I wondered why the owner was throwing them out, then it hit me.

Asked why he emptied a bowl of bramley apple surprise (served with delicious dairy icecream) over the chef's head, at a gastro pub, unrepentant Gary Gobber explained "He just gave me the pip".

Gracious in defeat, the runner up in thecnational gurning final today said "i certainly wouldn't have turned my nose up at the medal".

Tearful group of women present plaque to the owner of "Bras R Us" as they close their doors for good today.
Mrs Audrey Aardvark said "We just wanted to thank them for their support over the years".

A robbery of the tills in a pizza parlour gave the thieves plenty of dough but went awry when the manager said he wanted a slice.

If clamping down on small boats means turning to planes.
There’ll be people waiting in the wings.

Man left housebound after thief steals lower limb prosthetic.
Police spokesman says "It seems he legged it".

Shoplifter aprehended in Holland and Barrett. Wheying up the evidence, the manager was heard to describe the person as nuts and lacking fibre.

A thief who made off with a whole shelf of laxatives from a local chemist is now on the run.