Silly news reports.

People have recently been wearing skin coloured tight net clothing in a tik tok trend to appear naked whilst out and about.
It has been widely condemned as ‘fake nudes’.

Relatives of a cremated loved one are blazing after their loved one’s ashes were lost. One relative stated that any chance of locating the ashes had gone up in smoke.

MissAdventure

A man was apprehended earlier today fom Miss Sylvia Wagstaffs garden, after being spotted "numerous" times, carrying binoculars, and loitering around her bungalow.

He explained to police that as a keen ornithologist, he was merely hoping to catch sight of some great tits.

🤣🤣

A man was apprehended earlier today fom Miss Sylvia Wagstaffs garden, after being spotted "numerous" times, carrying binoculars, and loitering around her bungalow.

He explained to police that as a keen ornithologist, he was merely hoping to catch sight of some great tits.

Thanks Grannybags. I've just twigged your Branch Manager joke.

Prize winning farmer was outstanding in his field.

After an altercation in "Ye olde tea shoppe" Mrs Swallocks was unrepentant, having pushed a cream cake into the face of her colleague, who works serving hot drinks.
She has now left her job, after accusations of being a stirrer.

My neighbour has built his office in a tree house. He’s a Branch Manager

A man robbed a bank with CDs stuck over his eyes. They were his disk eyes…

You're probably sick of hearing them, if your husband comes out with similar?
Glad sone made you laugh, though.

MissAdventure

Eg - A local knicker factory has closed after fifty years service.
Simon Bloggs, the owner said "The bottom has just fallen out of ladies underwear".

My partner comes out with these all the time!
I did laugh at some of them.

Lorry carrying fruit crashes on motorway and creates jam.

Local authority sprays roads with water to stop them melting!

Oh sorry, that’s really happening!

Clinical trials confirm that breathing is health.

Diarrhea outbreak in local hospital. Doctors are trying to get to the bottom of it.

He was a political agiatator who loved his turntable it satisfied his desire for constant revolutions.

Police stated that following the abduction of dogs from a local park they were following several leads.

Toilet Factory Robbery latest....Police have nothing to go on!

Some minor gym jokes:

A man walks into a gym and asks the receptionist, “What machine should I use to impress women?.....
............She responded swiftly, pointing outside the door, saying, “The ATM machine, sir.

Why was the farmer get kicked out of the gym?
He was destroying his calves.....

Why did the fish stop lifting weights?
He pulled a mussel.

Did you hear about the weightlifting vegetable?
He was a muscle sprout

"Exercise? Ah, I thought you said extra fries!"

Why didn't the skeleton go to the gym? He didn't have the guts.

A peephole was found in the gym locker rooms.
The police are looking into it.

Shrieked with giggles out loud all the way through just now.
All windows open for the heat, no TV on.

I don't know what the neighbours think I am up to

More, more!

TerriBull

"People were shocked when the local electrician went out of business" well yes, he was probably a bright spark

Was the closure done in a single phase or three phase?

After a client's snippy feedback highlighting problem's at the hairdressers, the management cut their prices. It did however colour their attitude to the client given she was receiving other fringe benefits.