New Limerick Thread II 2016 (following New Limerick Thread)

There's beautiful music in church
Some very fine tunes if you search
With lyrics amusing
And hard pews bruising
A good place to do some research

Some records will be a surprize

Some records will be a surprise
Others will bring tears to your eyes

Some records will be a surprise
Others will bring tears to your eyes
Just play them and see

Some records will be a surprise
Others will bring tears to your eyes
Just play them and see
I'm sure you'll agree

Some records will be a surprise
Others will bring tears to your eyes
Just play them and see
I’m sure you’ll agree
The words that I’m speaking are wise.

I had an old uncle who drank

I had an old uncle who drank
He wouldn't wash, so he stank

I had an old uncle who drank
He wouldn't wash, so he stank
But what could we do?

I had an old uncle who drank
He wouldn't wash, so he stank
But what could we do?
If he smalled of poo

I had an old uncle who drank
He wouldn't wash so he stank
But what could we do?
If he smelled of poo
And his hair was greasy and lank

He needed looked after for sure

He needed looked after for sure
As he always smelt of manure

He needed looked after for sure
As he always smelt of manure
Oh my, what a state

He needed looked after for sure
As he always smelt of manure
Oh my, what a state
No use to a mate

He needed looked after for sure
As he always smelled of manure
Oh my, what a state
No use to a mate
So he ran off and lived on the moor.

I once had a sweet little cat

I once had a sweet little cat
Who was just a little bit fat

I once had a sweet little cat
Who was just a little bit fat
I rationed his food

I once had a sweet little cat
Who was just a little bit fat
I rationed his food
Which affected his mood

I once had a sweet little cat
Who was just a little bit fat
I rationed his food
Which affected his mood
I think we’ve experienced that?

Strict dieting makes me depressed

Strict dieting makes me depressed
It makes me feel hungry and stressed

Strict dieting makes me depressed
It makes me feel hungry and stressed
I want to eat more

Strick dieting makes me feel depressed
It makes me feel hungry and stressed
I want to eat more
Cos food I adore

Strict dieting makes me depressed
It makes me feel hungry and stressed
I want to eat more
Cos food I adore
But I do need to look my best

My son's getting married this year

My son's getting married this year
My dress is a pale shade of pear

My son's getting married this year
My dress is a pale shade of pear
I wish it was brighter

My son’s getting married this year
My dress is a pale shade of pear
I wish it was brighter
But I do suit lighter

My son’s getting married this year
My dress is a pale shade of pear
I wish it was brighter
But I do suit lighter
I'll end up with this one, I fear

Should wedding gowns always be white?