Silly news stories

Statistics show that somebody is run over by a car every five minutes.

They are fed up with it.

Police found a chicken near the highway.
They believe it crossed the road.

The Slough knickers thief who has been whipping ladies knickers off their washing lines for 6 months has been found and arrested. The police raided his home and found evidence of his crimes when rummaging through his drawers.

Genuine this one - remembered by my late father , an advertisement in his local newspaper by a gents’ outfitters in their wee Borders town.

“Millers trousers - down again!”

A customer in a garden centre knocked over an entire display of plants. She told the manager that she tripped and would be more careful in fuchsia.

2 men in court for stealing batteries and fireworks.

They charged 1 and let the other one off.

Our towns cup factory is shutting down because of fierce competition.
The locals think they're mugs!

The department of innuendos has been hit by a formal complaint from a female job applicant.

Head of department has said "Well she asked for an example of an innuendo, so I gave her one" 🤭

Schoolchildren visiting the Shetland pony enclosure of their local petting zoo were reported to be feeling a little hoarse.

The sprat processing factory has been hit by more robberies.
The irate owner stated "I thought there was something fishy going on".

The Veterinary Surgery is having to close

The Vet said that during the past year they have been dogged by misfortune and catastrophe

The hairdressers in town is planning to reduce its working space, and sell off half of the premises.

The owner has said in the current economic climate, there is no choice but to make cuts.

A manufacturer of underwear has had to make them smaller to cut costs.
The manager said We are really feeling the pinch.

A cosmetic shop has finally re-opened

A spokesman said they having to makeup for lost revenue

Mystery of the dandruff shampoo disappearance- police admit they are scratching their heads, trying to solve it.

🤭

A large hole has appeared on the motorway
Police are looking into it.

Speaking about the speculation surrounding the theft of a toilet roll from a staff wc, the business owner said "This has been a sore subject, and I would like to put it behind me now".

The sweet shop robbers are safe behind bars today, after dna on a bar of chocolate was matched to the ringleader.

A police spokesman said it was all down to a "careless whispa"

Someone stole the toilet from the police station. Police said they have nothing to go on.

The group of women suspected of robbing the shoe shop, and making away with around 50 pairs stilettos have been spotted in the next country.

Police are appealing for people to keep their eyes out for five well heeled females....

A local clinic specialising in memory loss is at risk of closure, the owner said he couldn't remember a worse time.

A hardware company recently closed, the family said they had axed jobs last year but the business had taken too much of a hammering.