Versatile Verse 3

Looking for a remedy that's soothing
it needs to be good and extremely cooling

I need to keep up my amazing disguise

I need to keep up my amazing disguise
To mingle with unfriendly country's spies

'Cos I'm a secret government agent, you see

'Coz I'm a secret government agent, you see
I bet that's something you'd never think of me

when you meet me at a social for a quiet G and T

when you meet me at a social for a quiet G and T
You'll never know it's not the real me,

I live the life of a female James Bond

I live the life of a female James Bond
It seems that gentlemen do respond

Well to a woman who’s rather racy

Well to a woman who's rather racy
though to be truthful my memory's rather hazy

they tell me I was quite a looker in my day

Well to a woman who’s rather racy
And only wears basques, so lacey

She flirts with all men, gun in hand

She flirts with all men, gun in hand
But she’s no Uma Thurman you understand

Monday - Friday she’s a caller at the Bingo Hall

Monday - Friday she’s a caller at the Bingo Hall
And on the weekend, a security guard at the Mall

She’s quite hirsute, and her voice quite hoarse

Monday - Friday she’s a caller at the Bingo Hall
And on the weekend, a security guard at the Mall

She’s quite hirsute, and her voice, baritone

She’s quite hirsute, and her voice, baritone
A bit like a hairy hound chewing on his bone

But on Saturday nights she wears lots of bling

But on Saturday nights she wears lots of bling
Out on the tiles, looking for a fling

No names, no packdrill, no questions asked

No names, no pack drill, no questions asked
she can be really discreet, she can go out all masked

No-one will know when she creeps in at dawn

No-one will know when she creeps in at dawn
But she's still under the covers when the sun is up at morn

She's becoming nocturnal and that isn't good

She’s becoming nocturnal and that isn’t good
She would dispel this life if only she could

She’d like to work with primates at London Zoo

She’d like to work with primates at London Zoo
Where her relatives live, and mine do too.

Eating bananas and swinging by their tails

Eating bananas and swinging by their tails
Showing off and preening- that’s just the males!

The females seem preoccupied with grooming

The females seem preoccupied with grooming
and keeping an eye on all the males looming

until they choose their own special mate

until they choose their own special mate
And go out swinging on a very hot date

She grooms his fur, he eats her fleas

She grooms his fur, he eats her fleas
His eye’s on the prize, he’ll do anything to please

They’re “exclusive” now and a handsome couple

They're "exclusive" now and a handsome couple
Their mating movements are very supple

Young love is a delight for every species

Young love is a delight for every species
there's love in the air which he sees and she sees

and soon there'll be the patter of tiny paws

and soon there’ll be the patter of tiny paws
The visitors will queue up outside the doors

They’ll be allowed to view, but they must not be loud

and soon there'll be the patter of tiny paws
And I’ll be awoken to the sound of soft snores

And this will be my life looking after the brood

And soon there’ll be the patter of tiny paws
The visitors will queue up outside the doors

They’ll be allowed to view, but they must not be loud