Versatile Verse 3

One who knows how to keep schtum
And isn't appalled at the size of my bum

But this time determined the weight I shall lose

My DH just said that seems a good joke
If he’s not careful, I’ll find another bloke

One who knows how to keep schtum

They're not going to recognise the brand new me
When I drop 4 stones they won't believe what they see

My dh just said that seems a good joke

I'll clean out the fridge, bin everything fattening
My friends will wonder, whatever's happening

They're not going to recognise the brand new me

If so I’ll start a diet next week
Dr Michael Mosley seems popular so his advice I’ll seek

I’ll clean out the fridge, bin everything fattening

Ham will be needed and plenty of pâte,
But, be honest, am I too fat, eh?

If so I'll start a diet next week

The massive gap between brunch and supper
I've found a fresh loaf now I'm looking for butter

Ham will be needed and plenty of pâte

I know next time I open the fridge
I’ll simply be trying to bridge

The massive gap between brunch and supper

So far so good, not broken the scales
But a hangover the size of Wales

I know next time I open the fridge

Rashers of bacon, mushrooms and fried bread
And drink Prosecco till it goes to my head.

So far so good, not broken the scales

There isn’t a limit to how much I can manage
I’ve been known to eat half a pound of sausage

Rashers of bacon, mushrooms and fried bread

If there's room in my tum I'd have sesame toast
that's great for tonight and tomorrow a roast

There isn't a limit to how much I can manage

With Veggie spring rolls and honey glazed pork
Crispy fried seaweed that just falls off the fork

If there’s room in my tum I’d have sesame toast

My favourite cake is a fresh cream and jam slice
But before that I'll have a bowl of Chinese fried rice

With Veggie spring rolls and honey glazed pork

Gone are the days of counting calories
I’m a valued customer at many local bakeries

My favourite cake is a fresh cream and jam slice

I could eat anything cooked by him
But kiss goodbye the chance of remaining slim

Gone are the days of counting calories

Jamie Oliver’s sticky toffee pudding is to die for,
I'd rather stay alive and buy more.

I could eat anything cooked by him

Forget the calories and high levels of salt
I blame the TV chefs - they’re at fault

Jamie Oliver’s sticky toffee pudding is to die for

All those sauces in haute cuisine
It's nice to indulge and not be mean

Forget the calories and high levels of salt

I'm always up for any foodie cheat
Like lettuce wraps, full of meat

All those sauces in haute cuisine

For ketchup is tomato and counts as '1 a day'
I'll believe you if that is what you say

I'm always up for any foodie cheat

I could eat them with every meal, salad or cooked
Slathered with ketchup, their merits are overlooked

For ketchup is tomato and counts as “1 a day”

To describe my husband’s favourite
It's made of potato and also called 'frite'

I could eat them with every meal, salad or cooked

And lovely dumplings with lots of herbs
Delicious! There are many other verbs

To describe my husband’s favourite

I must try to rein in my indulgent habits
Although I'm partial to stew with rabbits.

And lovely dumplings with lots of herbs