Old proverbs made funny

Not exactly a proverb but this has been going round in my head all day!
I beg your pardon Mrs. Arden
There's a rabbit in your garden.
If you don't get him out
He'll eat a brussels sprout.

As one door closes - another opens and smacks you right in the teeth !
(First read this as a quote from Tommy Docherty when he got sacked from one of his football managerships.)

See a pin and pick it up, the rest of the day you’ll be pricking your finger on it in your pocket.

A friend in need --- is a pain in the arse!

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

Grandma2213 My Mum used to say, 'An apple a day keeps the doctor away - if you throw it straight.'

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. An onion a day keeps everyone away.

All work and no play sends Jack to an early grave..

Actions speak louder than words but sometimes words are more satisfying.

So my late grandad always used to say
"Never wee into the wind
You'll always get your own back"

No sure if this is based on a real proverb or one he just thought of.

Used to make us grandchildren laugh though

A bird in the hand is usually dead.

A stitch in nine is a late night.

Cast thy bread upon the waters - and it'll go soggy and sink.....

Too many cooks leave YOU to do the washing up

“Where there’s a will, there’s a relative” ?