Versatile Verse 2

I'll catch a train to the Scottish highlands
Hope the view isn't spoilt by lots of pylons

Steam trains are the best for an enjoyable journey

Steam trains are the best for an enjoyable journey
I need a rest from my role as an attorney

I’m finding it hard to deal with the pressure

I'm finding it hard to deal with the pressure
trying to get the opposition's measure

skillfully dealing with judges and crooks

Skillfully dealing with judges and crooks
When really I'd prefer to be reading a book

I've loads lots on my new kindle

I've loads lots on my new kindle
1'd rather read quietly than having to mingle

Don't want to be dealing with cookers of books

Don’t want to be dealing with cookers of books
Or any other finagling and alchemy - Gadzooks!

Anyone might think my name was Merlin

Anyone might think my name was Merlin
Just because I do card tricks and the levitation thing.

But really my feet are firmly on the ground

But really my feet are firmly on the ground
Most of my ideas are perfectly sound

Just sometimes I go off piste

Just sometimes I go off piste
trying to appear my most chique

I probably don't look sophisticated and cool

I probably don't look sophisticated and cool
Especially with my long sleeved cossie, in the pool.

I dreamt I was wearing a teeny bikini

I dreamt I was wearing a teeny bikini,
All purple flowers, it barely covered my weeny.

Woke up with a start, holding suntan lotion

Woke up with a start, holding suntan lotion
The doorbell ringing, what a commotion

I’d been screaming and woken my neighbour

I’d been screaming and woken my neighbour
Dreamt I was pregnant and gone into labour.

And it was not just one baby but quads

And it was not just one baby but quads
who turned into 60s rockers and mods

All dressed in mini skirts and high white boots

All dressed in mini skirts and high white boots
On their mopeds making loud toots,

Gin before bed often disagrees

Gin before bed often disagrees
Too much gin and I’m on my knees

Better stick to a nice mug of cocoa

Better stick to a nice mug of cocoa
With no added sugar, it sends me loco

Need to sleep with no interruption

Need to sleep with no interruption
Save energy for something like gumption

Standing up for myself is not often easy,

Standing up for myself is not often easy
people see me as gentle and kind and soft and squeazy

I need to take a much tougher stance

I need to take a much tougher stance
I need to strike them down with a glance

I need to take a much tougher stance
I need to strike them down with a glance

I'll take lessons in self-assertion

I'll take lessons in self-assertion
But I could get carried away and accused of perversion

Maybe a power suit and 'serious' specs

Maybe a power suit and serious specs
I’ll walk the walk and my muscles I’ll flex

People will know I’m the best contender

People will know I’m the best contender
Or at least, I'm the great pretender.

Self confidence is a wonderful thing

Self confidence is a wonderful thing
but I wasn't taught my own praises to sing

I think though that modesty is well overrated