Versatile Verse 2

Never mind the poor liver
I’m thinking of that tart - please cut me a large sliver

I’ll go on a diet next week

I’ll go on a diet next week
When the weather is not so bleak

I’ll be in a bikini and sarong

I’ll go on a diet next week
Eat nothing but cabbage and leek

I expect I’ll give up in a few days

Yours, “Pantglas2”!

I expect I’ll give up in a few days
Its always been the same in my case.

No will power, my mother used to say

I’ll be in a bikini and sarong
That’ll help my willpower to stay strong

No willpower, my mother used to say

No willpower, my mother used to say
When I ate six doughnuts on the same day

But now I'm trying to look like Twiggy

But now I'm trying to look like Twiggy
Sadly more like a piggy

Ice cream and cake they tempt me

Ice cream and cake they tempt me
Just like my morning cup of tea

Nothing beats the aroma of a quick brew

Nothing beats the aroma of a quick brew
And no one makes such a good cuppa as my friend Hugh

He's very houseproud and he cooks and he cleans

He’s very house proud and he cooks and he cleans
Doesn’t have staff although he has the means

He rather likes putting on his pinny

He rather likes putting on his pinny
But admits the design makes him look a right ninny

After all, it’s a naked lady you see

After all, it's a naked lady you see
Fortunately with no resemblance to me!

So Hugh is my ideal help around the house

So Hugh is my ideal help around the house
He's very efficient and quiet as a mouse.

In fact I think he's the perfect man

So Hugh is my ideal help around the house
He cleans and cooks as silent as a mouse

Complaining is not in his book you see

Complaining is not in his book you see
He once had a bossy wife called Brie

She would sit all day, on her bottom, with a book

She would sit all day, on her bottom, with a book
And order him around, never let him off the hook

So poor old Hugh just did what he was told

So poor old Hugh just did what he was told
It wasn’t his nature to start being bold

He never once voiced his opinion

He never once voiced his opinion
He accepted his life as his wife's minion.

But one fine day the worm did turn

But one fine day the worm did turn
He stood in front of Brie, his face was stern

I’ve packed a case, I’m leaving you tonight

I've packed a case, I'm leaving you tonight
He hoped that would give her such a fright

But she clutched her chest and fell in a faint

But she clutched her chest and fell in a faint
In her stew he'd put lead paint

What a bad boy was Hugh in reality

What a bad boy was Hugh in reality
No sitting on the fence, no neutrality

He’s been judged and definitely found wanting

He’s been judged and definitely found wanting
But with a ball at his feet he was daunting

A wizard with the ball was our lad Hugh

A wizard with the ball was our lad Hugh
quick as a flash and full of daring do

He was nearly chosen for the national team