Limericks - 3

There once was a rat and an owl
Who at bath time could not find a towel
So they turned up the heating

There once was a rat and an owl
Who at bath time could not find a towel
So they turned up the heating,
Wrapped up in some sheeting

There once was a rat and an owl
Who at bath time could not find a towel
So they turned up the heating,
Wrapped up in some sheeting
And spent the whole night cheek to jowl

My neighbour has monkeys for pets

My neighbour has monkeys for pets
Whose husband is always taking bets

My neighbour has monkeys for pets
Whose husband is always taking bets
Can the monkeys do handstands?

My neighbour has monkeys for pets
Whose husband is always taking bets
Can the monkeys do handstands?
Yes! Often in bandstands

My neighbour has monkeys for pets
Whose husband is always taking bets
Can the monkeys do handstands?
Yes! Often in bandstands
And the cash helps to pay off his debts.

My son has a wife from Kentucky

My son has a wife from Kentucky
Though nice, she can be a bit mucky

There once was a rat and an owl
Who at bath time could not find a towel
So, by the fire they steamed

Sorry, I was on wrong page!

My son has a wife from Kentucky
Though nice, she can be a bit mucky
She kept lots of chickens

My son has a wife from Kentucky
Though nice, she can be a bit mucky
She kept lots of chickens
But had no books by Dickens

My son has a wife from Kentucky
Though nice, she can be a bit mucky
She kept lots of chickens
But had no books by Dickens
Which,if you ask me is quite lucky

I think I might need a new bed

I think I might need a new bed
Because I fell out and bumped my poor head

I think I might need a new bed
Because I fell out and bumped my poor head
The mattress is lumpy

I think I might need a new bed
Because I fell out and bumped my poor head
The mattress is lumpy
Too much rumpy-pumpy!

I think I might need a new bed
Because I fell out and bumped my poor head
The mattress is lumpy
Too much rumpy-pumpy!
Tonight I'll sleep on the floor instead.

I've seen the first flowers of spring

I've seen the first flowers of spring
But now snow and I can't see a thing

I've seen the first flowers of spring
But now snow and I can't see a thing
I guess that tomorrow will be worse

I've seen the first flowers of spring
But now snow and I can't see a thing
I guess that tomorrow will be worse
The cold's such a curse

I've seen the first flowers of spring
But now snow and I can't see a thing
I guess that tomorrow will be worse
The cold's such a curse
But still the birds are trilling

A boy set off to school

A boy set off to school
Feeling incredibly cool

A boy set off to school
Feeling incredibly cool
His uniform smart

A boy set off to school
Feeling incredibly cool
His uniform smart
He so looked the part

A boy set off to school
Feeling incredibly cool
His uniform smart
He so looked the part
And then bunked off to play pool

There was a young lad from skye