Win Mary Berry books to celebrate the imminent return of Bake Off

Mary Queen of Cakes rains down on her thrown
With lashings of cream on dropped scone
And very soon she came to be Bath’s own
Som er set her cooking books on a stand
Because her dumplings are best judged by hand

There once was a baker named Paul
Whose dough was the envy of all
But he mixed it too thick
Now it's used with a brick
To fill up a hole in the wall

There once was a lady named Mary
Who helped when my buns were all scary!
She gave me the rules
I donned them with jewels
and now they are very contrary!

There once was a baker name Paul
He was brooding and handsome and tall
His loaves were so tasty
They made us feel racey
Now tea time is really a ball!

Old Blue Eyes, that's Paul, could be Mary
An odd couple - but you be wary
Like Mel and Sue
Odd couple two
Together a quartet quite lairy!

A WI member alas and alack
The art of baking I've still to crack.
With these two books for inspiration
Could it be no more desperation?
As I take them all aback.

A Hollywood frontman named Paul
Flashes eyes and his teeth - but that's all
Though he likes things to rise
He keeps as a surprise
The treats which the ladies enthrall.

A Hollywood presenter named Paul
Flashed his eyes and his teeth - not quite all
Though he likes cakes to rise

When Mel and Sue shout 'Bake!' they start
To make pastry for a nice tart
Short, filo or puff
Some get in a huff
If it goes wrong, just don't lose heart!

I love a bit of cake
So lets go and bake
I'll stir it and turn it
Try not to burn it
Or off my husband will take!!

Mary, Mary quite culinary
How does your Bake Off rise?
With Mel & Sue and Hollywood
All in your prize.

There once was a tasty fruitcake
That I was struggling to make
My oven was too hot
Burnt the bloomin' lot
So Tesco provided the fake!

Some highly entertaining ideas here but I hope you'll remind entrants that you're looking for limericks !

My husband loves Mary Barry's buns,
He thinks they're really "hot".
Mine just don't rise,
They're half her size, -
But they're the only ones I've got !!

Mary baked a little cake,
And spiced it up with whisky, -
Every slice tasted really nice,
But made all the "Grans' quite frisky!!

There once was a very long snake
Who wanted to learn how to bake
When he lost his scales
In the middle of Wales
The only things made were mistakes.

There is a great show about baking
It's there on the Beeb for the taking
With Mary and Paul
You'll all have a ball
Whatever it is that they're making!

The Bake Off’s back and I can’t wait

I’ve penciled in that special date

I’ve bought flour, eggs, sugar and spice

To conjure up something nice

This year I’ll make a show stopper for sure

Family and friends will call for more!

There was a gransnetter called Kerry,
Whose baking was quite "extraordinerry",
Her scones were so good,
She wooed Paul Hollywood
And made Mary Berry quite merry!

The competition is so high
But I thought I'd give it a try
I know I don't stand a chance
But I'm all in a trance
Seeing Mary's
Supercalifragilistic
Expialidocious
Splendiciociousness
Deliciocious creations
If only I could win the book
Then I would be a marvellous cook

There was an old Granny from Bath
Whose baking made everyone laugh
Her loaves were all lumpy
Her biscuits too bumpy
And her rock cakes they used for a path!

Give three cheers for the GBBO
It's our absolute favourite show
From the elegant Mary
To Paul - whose so scary
So, good luck to all having a go!

A delicious cake
I'd like to make.
What I need
is a good read.
Mary Berry books
would provide the looks.
Oh, to win
and make use of the cake tin.
My family would see
a delightful afternoon tea.
Oh, to bake
a delicious cake.

There once was a baker called Mary
Who lived in a converted dairy
She cooked with Paul
Entertaining us all
That wonderful lady called Mary

A jolly good website called Gransnet
Have joined forces with GBBO
For a chance of a prize
Which could make your cakes rise
Write a limerick then press buttongo