Win Mary Berry books to celebrate the imminent return of Bake Off

Time to bake a birthday cake for Louise
So I bung together flour eggs and cheese
When the timer alarms I begin to frown
Aren't the best cakes supposed to be this brown?
Whoopsy think I need one of Mary's books please!

The crew of GBBO
Show us all which way to go
For we lesser mortals
They open the portals
To exquisite pastries and dough

The Queen of the kitchen is Mary
She's gentle and not a bit scary
With a nod and a smile
She can always beguile
Those contestants who are feeling wary

When talking of luscious fresh bread
It really just has to be said
For rolls, buns and baps
Pay attention, you chaps,
Paul's goodies are just streets ahead.

Don't forget dear Sue and Mel
What they do, we all know well
With a cry of "Let's bake!"
They make one and all quake
All and sundry are under their spell

Raise a glass to the Great British Bake off
Boredom get ready to shake off
Awesome foursome are back
Thrills and spills there's no lack
Wednesday evenings are all set to take off

An aspiring young Baker from Rye,
Was baking a huge Game Bird pie,
but the Pheasants weren't dead,
So the Pie soared over his head,
Now his dreams are just Pie in the Sky

The table's laid and they are all set
Paul and Mary for a tete a tete
The tea is 'drawing'
The rain comes pouring
Three bottoms now are the soggiest yet!

We're baking our limericks on here
The oven is full of hot air
We're cooking with gas
Gransnetters en masse
All flashing our buns with great flair!

At Christmas time it would be very,
Along with the mince pies and sherry,
Great fun to make
A gigantic cake
And out would come Holly and Berry.

Paul mentioned my bakes made him queasy
"Follow Mary she makes them look easy"
So armed with her book
I proceeded to cook
A fine Quiche which was luscious and cheesy

I'll never make a pastry chef
I honestly declare
My puff is too tough,
My choux hard to chew
My quiches leave me in despair

Our favourite cook Mary Berry
Was once introduced to John Terry
When asked, yes she’d bake
The footballer a cake
But he wouldn’t be getting a cherry!

There was a young man from the Wirral
Who thought he'd give baking a whirl
He was so good a fudge
He became a top judge
So who's baked the best raspberry twirl?

The queen of the Bake Off is Mary.
Her outfits are chic, but not lairy.
Her cakes are so light,
A true visual delight,
And consistent - results never vary!

Her co-star's a baker named Paul,
Whose loaves always rise, never fall.
His blue eyes appraising,
Expect standards amazing,
Your showstopper's gotta stand tall.

The queen of the Bake Off is Mary.
Her outfits are chic, but not lairy.
Her cakes are so light,
A true visual delight,
And consistent - results never vary!

Her co-star's a baker named Paul,
Whose loaves always rise, never fall.
His blue eyes appraising,
Expect standards amazing,
Your showstopper's gotta stand tall.

The queen of the Bake Off is Mary.
Her outfits are chic, but not lairy.
Her cakes are so light,
A true visual delight,
And consistent - results never vary!

Her co-star's a baker named Paul,
Whose loaves always rise, never fall.
His blue eyes appraising,
Expect standards amazing,
Your showstopper's gotta stand tall.

The queen of the Bake Off is Mary.
Her outfits are chic, but not lairy.
Her cakes are so light,
A true visual delight,
And consistent - results never vary!

Her co-star's a baker named Paul,
Whose loaves always rise, never fall.
His blue eyes appraising,
Expect standards amazing,
Your showstopper's gotta stand tall.

There once was a tart from Bakewell who baked naughty food to sell
She advertised a pie full
But gave them an eye full
And ended locked up in jail

Oh why won't my bl***y sponge rise?
It's barely just frisbee in size.
Perhaps it will grow
In Mary's saintly glow,
Or with a glare from Paul Hollywood's eyes :-)

There once was a limerick contest
So many have tried to be best
Just like on Bake Off
The contest is tough
Though choc full of stirring and zest

My pies are soggy, my cakes don't rise. Really need Mary's help, hope you send me the prize.

Ssssshhhhh I know it's not a limerick, I was hoping they wouldn't notice!

I'm sure jings tried her very best.

Mary Berry's been baking for years
Soggy bottoms are all that she fears
On Bake Off she's kind
But contestants will find
Her recipes sometimes cause tears

Not sure jingl is entering into the spirit of this competition.

Or maybe she's the only one who gets it.

You won't win, janerowena, because that wasn't a limerick, funny though it was!

If I win, please send my prize to jings for making me laugh.

When I grow up I want to be
Just like Mary Berry.
I'll bake 'Wow!' cakes and 'Ooooh!' desserts
With lakes of cream and sherry.

I'll wear cute floral little shirts
When I judge the entries
And know that licking crumbs from lips
Is still sexy in my 70s.

(Because gransnet says so )

There was an old man from a place rhyming with pork
Who came on this thread and was a right proper dork.
Creat a limerick he couldn't,
And shut up he wouldn't.
And so they sent him to Cork. (for want of a better last line)