Win Mary Berry books to celebrate the imminent return of Bake Off

When following a recipe from Mary
stick close and don't let it vary
if you use too much sherry
your guests may get merry
and it might even get quite scary

There once was a happy young guy
Who said he'd bake a pie
His crust went too hard
And he ran out of lard
And now all he can do is cry

With all these wonderful rhymes I cannot compete.
And maybe Paul and Mary will give more prizes
So no one gets beat.

I couldn't bake with Paul's eyes
Flashing blue watching my pies !
Mary the perfect to bake,
The spongiest ever sponge cake !!
Can I bake? NO, I cannot tell lies !

The ovens hot and so is Paul its time to bake a cake
Mary said to use fresh eggs they help the cake to bake
now chickens are so hard to find at 10 o'lock at night
dare I use ones in the fridge looks like that I just might
My kitchenaid is set on 3 my baking has begun
in go all the bits and bobs oh! this is so much fun
I timed it right my cake did rise and so did my gas bill
its back on Wednesdays hip hurray - I do get such a thrill

There once was a baker called Mary,
Her cakes were very light and airy.
One day in a rush,
her cakes turned to mush.
No longer the best baking fairy

My baking's a bit Cordon Bleugh
I can beat and I fold and I stir
But m'deira m'dear
Turns out flat as veneer
And the gin that I add makes me slur!

There once was a baker from Kent
Who cooked up a storm in a tent
When he sweetened his cake
Using salt by mistake
So he came and he baked and he went.

The Great British Bake Off is back
You can tell by the mentions of - ?rack
Their greatest forte
Is being quite naughty
Sadly two or more cakes were quite cack.

So the great British bake off is back on our screen
So is Mary Berry our baking queen
Whether it be scones, bread, buns or cake
We sure know those contestants can bake
So sit back in your seat with dinner
And see if you can guess this year's winner!

I have practiced and now I can make
A spectacular signature bake,
But with brandy-snap furls
Filled with walnut-whip swirls,
How much more can my poor waistline take?

There was a trim lady called Mary
Who revelled in everything dairy
She'd not gain an inch
There was nowt there to pinch
How come Mary's light as a fairy?

There was an old lady from Brum
Who had too much fat on her tum
She baked a large pud
It did her no good
Cos the fat has now spread to her bum

There was a young boy called Jake
Who was exceedingly fond of sweet cake
He ate so much gateau
His tum reached a plateau
Now he can’t partake, for the ache.

Battenburg, angel of coffee,
Chocolate, Victoria or toffee.
I just love to bake
all kinds of cake
Carrot, or sponge or bannoffie!

Battenburg, angel of coffee,
Chocolate, Victoria or toffee.
I just love to bake
all kinds of cake
Carrot, or sponge or bannoffie!

Mary's books would mean so much less strife
Fewer baking disasters so rife
Spirits would rise
With cake baking highs
And not least with those wise tips for Life.

Our Mary's a legend with baking
Makes pastry that's beautifully flaking
So with her books in hand
No more head in the sand
Great bake off's at home I'll be making

There was an old Gran from Devizes
Whose break making skills won her prizes
Her Buns were immense.
They reached high as the fence
And her Bloomers caused many surprises!

There once was a fella McDougall
Whose manners were pious and frugal
He'd bake one apple pie
Then from May to July
He'd spend sucking it up through a bugle.

Limiricks for Mary Berry Cook books

Passion abound for Mary & Paul
As they kneaded and baked since they were small
Now they have reached extremely "Great Heights"
With there very own show on TV at night
Contestants arrive, contestants depart
They all have baking bug at heart
A tent is "Must" as there cooking is judged
Mary,s nice words, Paul a bit Gruff
The "Great British Bake Off" is full of Good Stuff

There once was a woman called Berry,
and a 'Hollywood' dish always merry,
Hot baps or your doughy ball,
She's a good forkin for em all,
if you're good another bite of the cherry

There was an old Granny from Bow
Who mixed cakes with the tip of her toe
A crowd gathered to see
What results there would be
But who ate the cakes I'll never know..

There once was a baker from LA
Who cooked sausage rolls everyday
He ate so many his bum turned to jelly and his baps wibbled & wobbled all day.

A bald man from Brum with a rug
Made cakes for his tea in a mug
To show off his mettle
Boiled eggs in his kettle
And always drank tea from a jug.