Nearly a year on and not being able to speak to sister about our brothers passing

How very sad.

May I ask why?

Sending condolences

How sad - you need to be comforting each other - perhaps she is too distraught

I saw that you posted about the dilemma a year ago, Are you saying your sister still does not know?

www.gransnet.com/forums/bereavement/a1352157-My-brother-s-Funeral?msgid=31335035#31335035

Oh I’m so sorry if I’ve misunderstood? How awful for you both

Have just read the other thread. Has your sister not asked about your brother, and what about her daughter, your niece, is she still asking you not to mention it??
I feel so sorry for you all, this has caused so much stress and anxiety as well as the grief. 💐

I read the other thread. That's a really hard situation for you to be in.

I don't know what to advise, but I did have a family situation where someone died. My mother chose not to tell an elderly relative since they were old and frail and she didn't think it was necessary to put that on them. When my mother did call them, she said the older relative was distressed because she could tell something was very wrong, but didn't know what. She could just sense something in the background that was very wrong.

I know you'll do what you think is best in this difficult situation. I just shared my experience as something to think about, because sometimes the person on the other end might sense there is something.

If you think she can cope with knowing, then just tell her!
Your own health is suffering because of the guilt you are feeling.

Bea you are in a very difficult situation and I hesitate to offer advice and of course I have no knowledge of the background to this. However whatever the situation is that has caused this, your sister needs to know her brother has died. Your niece is behaving very strangely! The stress of this is causing you great anxiety- not surprisingly so!
You must protect your emotional and mental health and telling your sister is the correct thing to do. Good luck.

You are worried about speaking to your sister because you know she will ask about her brother. This really is unacceptable and is unfair of your niece to ask this of you.
It is a bizzare situation, just tell your sister and and dont take the blame for keeping her in the dark! This is not your fault. Your sister may well have heath worries but her daughter is being unfair to her and to you. Tell your sister ASAP , you know it is the correct and only couse of action .

Graphite she doesn’t know…

Yes I should ring her…

🙏 all

MT62

If you think she can cope with knowing, then just tell her!
Your own health is suffering because of the guilt you are feeling.

I agree.

Bea65

Graphite she doesn’t know…

Yes I should ring her…

Wishing you the best of luck

What an awful situation to be caught up in Bea. Wouldn't it be better if you're going to tell her, to do so in person rather than over the 'phone?

We live quite a way from each other and unfortunately my last msg exchange was made worse with one of my great nieces telling me it’s ‘cruel’ for me to want to tell her…😳.
I was also told ‘I have to accept the family decision’ so I’m not family now 😥

I was aghast/upset at these comments …yesterday it was our mothers birthday anniversary and I just felt a bit vulnerable and emotional…and didn’t have the energy to connect with them…

Bea65,

Sorry you are in this situation.
Whoever tells the sister, you are aware of "shoot/kill the messenger" situation, right?

Your sister may not only react to her brother's passing, but to everybody hiding this from her for 1 year +
being excluded +
family thinking what is best for her without taking her input into account

Your sister may find out on her own too - which does not help.

Please take care of yourself first.
This is too much for you - have you thought of looking for professional help?

Bea, this is an awful situation for you to be in & I sympathise.
I can only suggest you tell your family members that the next time your sister asks you about your brother, you are going to reply something like this: "I really can't say - you'll have to ask X.... " (insert niece's name, and/or other family members). This is easier said than done, I do appreciate. However it could put the onus on to the family members? Perhaps suggesting this to them, will make them take notice of your problem?