It's official: Grandparents are good for children

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Let's just enjoy the entertainment while GNHQ sort it MissA.

Aah, i see.

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No worries MissA I've reported it. stillawipp's name has been hijacked for the second time this afternoon. Got to love the irony though .

Excuse me, what om earth gives you the right fo speak to other members like this!?!?

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Oh well spotted stillawipp I must admit the content and style were familiar but not from you; from a previously banned poster.

I have reported them

Ps a couple of posts above are not me, they are from someone impersonating me!

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I have never said that estranging from loving, conflict free relationships without any warning is as common as those who estrange from abusive parents stillawipp. I'm saying that it happens. You are the one who finds that inconceivable.

I'm sorry but your second paragraph doesn't make any sense; perhaps you could explain what you mean.

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There's nothing wrong with my temperament stillawipp which is why I would never respond in the way you have.

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Neither should be 'derided' or dismissed that's what I'm saying stillawipp and have been saying for years.

We know that the newly estranged read this forum. Those of us who've been posting for a long time were all newly estranged when we first came here before there was an estrangement forum, and contributions from those who have reconciled are, and have always been welcomed.

For me, saying that you find the experience that others say they've had inconceivable and that maybe (you) have to accept that that is a naive opinion does not come across as being mindful of those posting or reading this forum whose estrangement experience differs to your own.

In terms of being mindful of those who read the forum, I can honestly say that I do so with every single post I write - having been reconciled with my son, the possibility that I may be able to help others is the only reason I have for still being on here! I think it is really important to remember that it is not only long-term estranged people who read the forum, but also those who are newly estranged, and those have come through it and simply would like to offer support and suggestions to others when advice is sought out.
That’s not to say that the opinions and advice of those still estranged are not important, of course they are, but equally important are the ones from those who are reconciled. Neither should be ‘derided’ or dismissed, in my opinion.

We should all be kinder and less judgemental to others yes we should stillawipp and I'm pleased to see the offensive post and the poster have been removed.

Everyone be they the one whose estranged or the one who has been estranged, posts from and about their own experience. I find it inconceivable that a parent can abuse their own child but it happens and for the sake of those who say, however inconceivable it may be that a once close, loving, conflict-free relationship has been severed without any warning they shouldn't have to keep defending themselves.

That is our experience and there isn't anyone who finds it more inconceivable than we do.

There will I'm sure be a pattern of reasons being given and those reasons being denied which I understand for the EAC will be upsetting InRainbows.

As an EP I accept that which is why it should also be accepted that that isn't always the case, because it's just as painful for EP's who share their stories to be consistently derided on this forum. As the majority of those who contribute to this forum demonstrate, it is possible to express an opinion respectfully and to disagree without resorting to personal insults.

In our family situation, the child states that her parent knows the reasons why but the parent says she doesn't. When I read the reasons why some said they did not explain it seems to be a pattern of being told that things did not happen. Perhaps that is too difficult to navigate? Too painful to open your heart with reasons and be dismissed?

Smileless2012

No one here has said no reason has ever been reported baskestrategic and TBH, I wouldn't expect an EAC to say they'd estranged their parents to hurt them, anymore than I'd expect to see an EP say they've been estranged because they were abusive.

Can we please be mindful of who reads this forum. Yes, there will always be reasons but those reasons can and sometimes do have nothing to do with the parent(s) being estranged, and you're right stillawipp no-one ever goes from a perfect relationship to estrangement instantly because perfect relationships don't exist do they.

I know from your posts that you were open to seeing/hearing the reasons for your estrangement and acted accordingly but please don't assume that those of us who remain estranged haven't been or wouldn't have been had we been given the opportunity to do so.

My apologies - perfect was the wrong word to use - I certainly don’t achieve that in any of my relationships! And of course I don’t wish to cast aspersions on anyone else’s situation but my own, and I am so sorry for those still estranged. We should all be kinder and less judgemental to others.
I suppose I just find it inconceivable that someone would have a close, loving, conflict-free relationship with someone one day and then cut them off the next with no warning, no hints of dissatisfaction/argument and no discernible reason, but maybe I have to accept that that is a naive opinion, and that things like that do happen outside my own ‘bubble’.

twisting reality

I agree with you. The child will have accepted that there's no point trying anymore due to the parents being uable to reflect and take responsibility....in most cases.
I think the child thar estranges for no reason may have a mental illness.

Examples from the link:-

"can't be bothered with the effort of explaining"
"it's not worth the effort"
"I'm not going to discuss it with them"
"I have not and wont"

I didn't say over half of estranged children I said, which is in my post that you have quoted more than half of those who took part and you accuse me of ^twisting to fit (my) delusional narrative again^

Sometimes the one estranging can't see their own issues, recognise their failings and try and amend for them.

It's such a shame that once again there are suggestions that those who are estranged are at fault for not recognising their failings and trying to amend for them.

Reconciliation requires the desire for resolution from all concerned. Those who successfully reconcile do so because the one's who estranged them want reconciliation too. If the one who estranges doesn't, there's nothing that the one whose been estranged can do. That may not be the only foundation of the problem, but it is one of them.