Support and friendship for those whose lives have been affected by estrangement.

Estranged from my daughter for 11 plus years. It hurts but at least I see her two beautiful daughters. She is 50 this year.

Yogin glad you enjoyed the C&W. You can't help but be drawn into that music. I took a friend to a classical concert she doesn't like classical music by did like the Elgar but it was Sibelios ( not spelt correctly) that she loved. Have tickets for 4 concerts next year one is for Sir Bryn Terfel she pulled and face she doesn't like opera. The Phil has an access scheme if you are disabled and pay full price for your ticket you get a companion ticket free. And because I am a bronze member don't pay booking fee. Going to golden age of film music by myself . As another friend had to pull out as her husband is having his cataract done and if left alone will do something he shouldn't, the other is on holiday. But been many times on my own. You know me always find someone to talk to.

Hope your MOT went well. My GP sent 3 invites for dementia test I refused and told them to stop sending them . But seeing my GP this afternoon. So no talking after sit fit as I need to change my clothes for easy access. Taxi taking me as the buses wouldn't get me there when I need to be.

Smiles its raining today. Your prediction came true. No choir this week . We had our 4th song last week. Son of a preacher man. Thought it would be easy to sing but its not well not for me. But will keep practicing. Did you find a choir to join?

The only music I hate is jazz. Don't like hip hop or music in that vane. Did you sing along to the music with your neighbours .

Went out of lunch with 2 friends on Friday but ended going to a different restaurant as the one I booked decided to change their minds and not open lunchtime. But still have a lovely time. Unfortunately I tripped on my way home as it wasn't a startle I felt myself falling foward dropped my bag and there was a stone drive gate post and managed to reach for it and gripped the edge hard. Then my limbs stiffen and couldn't move. I did shout for help and a couple came to my aid . Unfortunately my speech was stuttery as I explained what I needed. Once my limbs loosened I couldn't move my hand that gripped the post so the lady had to pull them off and straighten them for me. They offered to fetch their car and take me home . Thanked them very much but I only live 2 roads away. I thanked them very much for helping me and staying with me until I could move. They watched me walk very slowly before we said goodbye.

Must admitted it really frightened me and don't understand why I tripped as I always look at the floor when walking outside ,at least I didn't drop my stick otherwise I think I wouldn't have been able to grab the post.

I am used to the startle reflex but this was something new . I don't frightened easily but really shook me up. And my pain levels shot up so just rested the weekend.

Know today to be extra careful. Good job I walk by walls etc. And get past empty spaces slower .

Hope everyone has a good day.

Morning everyone.

It was surprising still very warm here yesterday so we were pleased when we got our gazebo put up. It fits nicely into the corner of our decking and has mesh sides to keep the bugs out.

Spent the afternoon at our neighbours enjoying a rather eclectic mix of music as we all took turns to choose the next song.

Have a good Sunday everyone.

Morning everyone.

So pleased you enjoyed the show Yogin and your friend clearly did although you failed to convert her to C&W. Just wondering how she'd have demonstrated her pleasure if she had been .

Hope your MOT goes well and you 'pass'.

I think today will see the last of the very warm weather which would be right as the small gazebo which we've ordered to put on our decking, arrives tomorrow . At least we'll be fully prepared for the next period of hot and sunny weather. The two large parasols we have are good, but this will be better.

Have a good day everyone xx

Morning all

So funny your friends dog loved the cool mat Smiles and not your own doggie. Lovely and cool yesterday, bit hotter today, so will take Joey out as soon as I'm back from the docs. Just the mot one is invited to once you reach 70, yeks!

The show was brilliant. My friend whom I know is not a C&W fan, was singing along and clapping, tapping her feet, so really enjoying it. I asked her afterwards if I'd converted her a little to C&W, her answer; No .

Can't read rest of thread, must dash for my app. will read rest later or tomorrow.

Stay cool all xx

My mistake.

Just to clarify

You posted about casual references to slapping and punching stillawipp. There was no mention of punching.

Thank you Whiff, absolutely no need to feel sorry for me so please don’t waste time doing so, I am very happy with who I am. I won’t enter into a discussion but just to clarify that I didn’t say you did anything, if you read my post again!

GranHoney did a search on you came back do not match any results.

I took my brother into another room and slapped him not my son. I didn't say my son

Reading what I wrote I grounded my son for 3 months. Don't know why I said I slapped him I didn't.
But I don't owe you an explanation why I get muggled.

I only slapped my brother and nephew both where adults.

If you are a lurker here them if you have been for years you know my story.

But I don't think you have been a lurker just someone who just popped up.

Don't bother replying as I will ignore you.

Message deleted by Gransnet for breaking our forum guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

GranHoney duck off I haven't hit a child my nephew was 27 a grown man now 38 he told me he deserved it as I was always there for him when he was going through hell with his own mom.

Lurk somewhere else unless you have been have been estranged by your children. But then again you must be the perfect parent and human being . Your life must be so boring being perfect.

At least I am honest by the way my son will be 39 this year.

stillawhip I haven't punched anyone. But I know how to my brother taught me when we where in our teens. Plus we do punching exercises in our sit fit class age range mid 50-mid 80's. So we know how to look after ourselves plus many like me use a walking stick which I have used since I was 29.

If you both like picking on people for being honest I feel sorry for you says more about you than me being honest.

Morning everyone.

It's a lot cooler here this morning, a bit of a shock when we got up TBH because it's been so hot.

No luck with enticing Poppy onto the cool mat Yogin so I'm going to give it to our friends for their little Maltese who slept on it on Monday afternoon.

Hope you enjoyed the theatre last night.

Thank you Spring ; the sense of peace continues for us both.

Many of us have as you say come a long way, and this support thread not only testifies to that but also to the strength and determination that has got us to where we are today.

Just to clarify - that’s not to say that I don’t understand the depth of emotion felt by those estranged, or the immense hurt caused - I have every sympathy with that, having once been there myself.

I must admit, I was a little taken aback at the casual references to slapping and punching people…..

Message deleted by Gransnet for breaking our forum guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

....not bandana; like a cloak.

Another early walk on the beach this morning, it was lovely with the tide in.

Going to the Theatre this evening to see 'The ballad of Johnny & June' that's Johnny Cash, should be really good.

Stay cool everyone xx

Keep thinking about your encounter with your ES Smiles. Hope today the sense of peace continues for both of you. It is what it is and we’ve spent many years reconciling ourselves to the fact. Those of us long term estranged have come a long way. It’s a testimony to the work we’ve had to do to rebuild our lives without them in it.
We’ve been to a couple of distant family gatherings this weekend….always hard because people pointedly don’t ask about our EC but do our other children. Is often the little things like this that trigger us.

That made me laugh about Poppy not even standing on her cool mat Smiles. I have a cool bandana for Joey, it's big so quite covering.

I had a long walk on the beach this morning with Joey, before 7am so lovely with the tide in, my son came too as he has the day off. Couldn't take Joey for his walkies after my class yesterday, as it was too hot, thought I'd take him early evening, but still too hot!

Stay cool everyone xxx

Good to read to have had a lovely holiday Whiff Morecambe was featured in the Chelsea flower show! I've been watching all week, but missed the afternoon shows [didn't record], so will have to watch on 'catch-up'

Those cobblestones are awful for anyone to walk on Whiff but if you have a disability, it must be near impossible!

Morning everyone, I hope you're all managing to stay safe in this lovely weather but I know that the heat doesn't suit everyone.

It's a piece of paradise here and we've been enjoying taking it easy on our decking and watching the golfers who brave the heat while we relax under large parasols.

Two of our neighbours are coming over for a mid afternoon BBQ before Mr. S. goes bowling this evening and will be bringing their little Maltese, who Poppy has been a lot more tolerant of since we lost little Pip.

As you say Yogin, none of us know what we'll do when we come face to face with our EAC until it happens. He may have nodded if we'd made eye contact but I avoided doing so.

No Whiff, I'm not a better person that you. Many scenarios have gone through mind over the years of what, if anything I would do if we 'met' and what happened on Friday was just one of them.

Well done for tackling those cobbles . I hate walking over the areas we have near here especially if I'm not expecting too and am in heels but it's a good excuse (not that I need one) to hold onto Mr. S.'s arm.

It's great that your UTI didn't spoil your holiday and that you received such good care. You certainly managed to pack a lot in and remind me of the Duracell Bunny .

We bought a cool mat for Poppy but despite our encouragement, she wont even stand on it which is rather frustrating when she's struggling with the heat.

Enjoy the if you can everyone and stay safe xx

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Smiles glad you feel empowered and in control after 13.5 years . Like I said you are a better person than me. The chance of ever seeing my son again is really zero. I live in the north he lives in the south east. So I would never need to go anywhere near where they live . All the things I need are in my area.

Well had a good holiday apart from a slight hiccup. Tuesday woke with an UTI but Morecambe urgent treatment centre where brilliant. No urgent treatment centres in Lancaster. The nurse practitioner I saw was lovely and gave me some advice. She was only in her late 20-early 30's but had a hysterectomy said she didn't want kids anyway. But because of low oestrogen she had frequent UTIs and thinks that why I have had 3 this year so far. She gave me a through exam and 3 days worth of antibiotics and as usual my sample was clear it always is . On her advice booked an appointment to see my GP 1st June . Because I knew 3 days worth of antibiotics wouldn't clear up the infection . I phoned my surgery Thursday and spoke to the doctor and had a weeks worth of antibiotics delivery yesterday a couple of hours after I got home.

But you know me won't let anything stop me . Monday I tackled my nemesis picture above. The dreaded cobbles my stick slipped few times it was worse coming down. Didn't get to look around the museum as it was guided tours only and I can't stand still while someone whittles on hurts to much . Better when I keep moving .

When to Kendal as planned had a lovely time if anyone goes there you must go to the Joshua tree cafe . Food is delicious had baked gnocchi in tomato sauce with loads of melted cheese on top. And chocolate pudding and custard. I was so full only had ice cream for dinner because I need to eat to take the antibiotic otherwise I wouldn't have needed anything else.

There was a bus stop by the hotel which went to Lancaster bus station. Weather was awful during my stay but had give up trying to get to the maritime museum as it was rainy to heavy. Good job as it was closed.
Went to Morecambe on Thursday only stated 90 mins . Disappointed with the Eric Morecambe statue it was life like but not very big. Saw bus to Lancaster bus station so could it. Had mystery bus tour. Then went to my favourite place for lunch in Lancaster.

I liked Lancaster and the people where friendly and helpful. Hard on the old knees. But glad I went.

Sea goes out very far a Morecambe and they where filming The Bay but didn't go and see where.
Enough of my rambles . Take care all.

Oh Smiles, so it happened! We all wonder what we would do, my DD & I have spoken about that situation, but until you're there, you really cannot say. Fancy your estS nodding to his dad, he must have seen you first.

Morning everyone.

You summed up the situation brilliantly eddie It's so terribly sad that the person who literally owes his life to you is now just another customer in the supermarket.

I read your post out to Mr. S. who simply said wow; that's a perfect summary of where we are.

TBH it wouldn't have made any difference to me if our GS's had been with him. Like their father they're strangers to us, more so because we've never known them.

I have a temper too Whiff . It has tempered over the years but I didn't even feel anger which I was sure I would if I ever came face to face with him again, but apart from a momentary and slight heart flutter, I felt nothing at all.

I always thought I'd have plenty to say and judging by the expression on his face as he came toward me, I think he thought so too but he's not worth my time, my anger or my pain.

He got to the check out just before us and we could have queued behind him but I went to a another one. Mr. S. said he'd never seen anyone load and pack their shopping so quickly, as if he couldn't get out fast enough.

Perhaps the encounter was harder for him than it was for us.

It's been almost 13.5 years so maybe he thought I'd have plenty to say which I can't blame him for, because I always thought I would too. We wont mention it to DS whose the eldest because I said years ago that I would no longer get into discussions about his brother, unless he was worried and/or upset and needed to talk.

Bless him, the number of times his name's come up in conversation since then will be in single figures.

I'm pleased and TBH proud of myself for not speaking to him Bridey. I've always regretted responding to the email he sent two days after my mum died; I should have left it.

It was so wrong of him after years of estrangement when my grief for mum was so raw to get in touch. I was furious and I often think that that should have been my response; at least it would have been an honest one.

Doing something like that could give an EP false hope, that that might be the beginning of seeking reconciliation and when it doesn't happen, they could be left with worrying that their response was somehow lacking and that's why there was no further contact.

Thank goodness I didn't go down that road and neither did
Mr. S. when he did the exact same thing when his mum died.

It did draw a line Allsorts and one that I'm truly thankful for.
Our move here did bring us much closer geographically and the market town where we saw him, is where we have our flat and get our weekly shopping because we check the post.

So after 18 months of living here it was bound to happen eventually, there was always an inevitability about it and if it
happens again, it wont be the shock it was yesterday.

That's something we'll never know love0c. I did wonder if he'd already spotted us and was doing his best to avoid what happened but if that were the case, why did he walk down the aisle we were walking up? .

What did surprise me was the difference of my reaction between yesterday and when my cousin told me my brother had asked her to pass on his contact details, which I have anyway, just before Christmas.

I had a panic attack, felt sick and burst into tears all in the space of 5 minutes before knowing I would never want to contact him again and then feeling calm and I suppose empowered.

Thank goodness that didn't happen yesterday as I just felt empowered when I refused to acknowledge his presence. For the first time in 13.5 years I actually felt that I was in control, because I was .