Forums for estranged adult children

I think it did InRainbows, your post @ 14.57 is exactly the same as your post @ 14.35.

Smileless2012

As I posted kindness was shown.

Perspectives often differ between people and that is an undeniable fact because "kindness" or the idea of it varies just as greatly.

I have seen children suffer for so many reasons but love can make even the most awful bearable, poverty, malnutrition, parasites, disease and death.

An unloved child is the saddest most painful thing humanity has or ever will have to offer and there is very rarely any justice for it.

This didn't appear correctly

As I posted kindness was shown.

Smileless2012

Kindness was shown InRainbows.

Perspectives often differ between people and that is an undeniable fact because "kindness" or the idea of it varies just as greatly.

I have seen children suffer for so many reasons but love can make even the most awful bearable, poverty, malnutrition, parasites, disease and death.

An unloved child is the saddest most painful thing humanity has or ever will have to offer and there is very rarely any justice for it.

Kindness was shown InRainbows.

Maybe we could try to show the kindness their parent couldn't.

It is pretty desperate as you say Cardamom.

But, a banned Poster would have to use a new name? Isn't that tbe case? Would the Admins not notice that the same email was being used?

As DiamondLily explained, you can have as many email addresses as you want so that's an easy way for them to circumvent GNHQ detection. But IP addresses are also checked but, if you're determined and desperate enough, that too can be circumvented by using a VPN. Or simply go to a cafe that provides WiFi, use their IP address to create a new email account and then join GN. It's a pretty desperate way to get yourself heard but, when you're carrying that much anger and hatred, I suppose it must seem worth it. 💁‍♂️

Thanks for the information GNs.
The Thread seems calm now.

Oh yes you're right stillawipp, as if it isn't bad enough that they come here just to upset posters, they hijack someone else's name to do it .

His words were wise DL and he'll be so proud of you x

Hi all - just to say that I haven’t posted on this thread, it was someone ‘hijacking’ my username by omitting one letter. I see that they have been deleted by admin anyway, so thank you to them.

Same here DL. My DH said travel, make the best life you can. Good job he never saw what d subsequently did to me. He wouldn't have stood for all the nonsense I did,. I had had the worst loss and couldn't face any more.

Cardamom

I think that, on a day to day basis, they probably are "happy and healed" DiamondLily but something triggers her, maybe in her daily life or maybe seeing a post in the estrangement forum that she lurks on. I've read her posts on another forum; one that was mentioned upthread, and her anger and misery is as raw today as it was when she was a regular poster here. She seems mainly able to cope with her emotions by venting to other like minded estranged "adult children", but that doesn't help her cope with her feelings of rejection from getting banned from here. She's furious that she no longer has a legitimate voice to preach to you all about your perceived failings as parents so she comes back, over and over again, fully aware that she'll be banned yet again, but for the brief time that she's able to post, she feels visible again. Ignoring her posts would be good but I appreciate that it's difficult when she's at her most destructive and inflammatory. Poor woman; she's really not well.

Well, yes, I see that. But if someone, anyone, about any issue, requires continuous counselling/medication/to express anger/pods/forums etc telling them they are justified, then they are not really happy or healed. . 🤷‍♀️

I just accept that life has many challenges, stresses, grief phases, etc.

If you can change it, then do it.

If you can’t, then live with it. The past is done. The future is what you choose to do with it.

As so many on here do. Despite their hurt, they have built happy lives. As it should be. 👍

Festering around past issues only hurts the person that is constantly thinking about it. 🤷‍♀️

When my late DH was literally days from dying, I was sobbing all over him, telling him I just couldn’t go on.

His exact words were “ of course you can, you dopey tart. Do what you do best - look for the joy, the love, and the laughter. Look to the light.”

I realise that this wasn’t the typical end of life deathbed scenario, 🙄 but that’s how we were, that how we connected with each other, always with a laugh , and that’s how we ended. 👍

And, in their own way, they were wise words. 😉

Maremia

But, a banned Poster would have to use a new name? Isn't that tbe case?
Would the Admins not notice that the same email was being used?

It’s very easy to set up a new mail address, and I do it regularly for any catalogues etc, which is what forums go on.

Until something is reported.

Admin only looks if something's reported Maremia.

A poster a few years ago was banned and came back with a new name. She was identified but GNHQ allowed her to stay despite the concerns of those she'd targeted; she was given a second chance.

She was eventually banned again for the same reasons she was banned the first time.

But, a banned Poster would have to use a new name? Isn't that tbe case?
Would the Admins not notice that the same email was being used?

Your post @ 11.17 is interesting Cardamom.

We are often criticised on this forum with accusations of being an 'echo chamber', naval gazing etc especially the support thread, but I know that over the years many have been helped myself included which shows for me, that the overall approach of all threads on this forum by the majority who come here, works.

Even if it doesn't make seem to make any difference, for me destructive and inflammatory posts should be challenged and I have always done so.

Constantly venting to other estranged "adult children" appears to making their situation worse. There needs to be a voice of reason which one day just might be listened too.

I've always thought that some have a deep seated resentment of the EP's who post here, who have eventually found peace and happiness without those who estranged them in their lives.

Maybe some EAC don't like to think that their parents have done the same, and prefer to think of them spending the rest of their lives suffering.

I can understand grieving for parents you never had because you were saddled with abusive ones but I can't understand the warped view that all parents who are estranged must be abusive.

Thank you Cardamom for your insightful contribution .

I think that, on a day to day basis, they probably are "happy and healed" DiamondLily but something triggers her, maybe in her daily life or maybe seeing a post in the estrangement forum that she lurks on. I've read her posts on another forum; one that was mentioned upthread, and her anger and misery is as raw today as it was when she was a regular poster here. She seems mainly able to cope with her emotions by venting to other like minded estranged "adult children", but that doesn't help her cope with her feelings of rejection from getting banned from here. She's furious that she no longer has a legitimate voice to preach to you all about your perceived failings as parents so she comes back, over and over again, fully aware that she'll be banned yet again, but for the brief time that she's able to post, she feels visible again. Ignoring her posts would be good but I appreciate that it's difficult when she's at her most destructive and inflammatory. Poor woman; she's really not well.

Yes, obviously, mental health issues can come into play.

But, mostly, when ‘an estranger’ comes on and posts, they are always full of how happy they are to be free (often) of their parents.

How much counselling, therapy and support they’ve had, and how much the various assorted psycho-babble podcasts, books etc have helped.

How happy and healed they now are.

All good, but if that’s the case, one has to wonder why they present as bitter, miserable and so unforgiving they assume any and all estranged older parents must be abusive?

Then the invective starts. 🙄

I think they’re deluding themselves if they think they’re happy and healed. 🙄

But dont forget, there are a whole load of mentally ill people about.

There are indeed and its sad that they're unable get the treatment they need to help them to move on in their life. Without that treatment, their estrangement has become the very definition of their whole identity; it's who they are: an estranged "child", unable to move past whatever happened to them. The reason that they constantly return to this forum is connected to their inability to cope with rejection; rejected by her mother and family and then rejected by GN; their mental and emotional fragility cannot cope with that. They can't go back to her mother and punish her for whatever she did so, whenever her emotional wheels are coming off, she comes back here to unleash her anger and frustration with someone else who rejected her: you. It's salt in her wound that all you estranged parents have somehow managed to heal, build a new life and move on. She's not been able to do that and is angry and bitter with you all, so she comes back again and again to punish you. Yes she's sad and pathetic but she hasn't got the mental or emotional maturity or resilience that you have. If it's at all possible, spare her some understanding and pity for the pain she's still not got to grips with; she's not getting the help she desperately needs.

Yes there are Allsorts and fancythat but sadly some are just nasty. I missed that post Allsorts; well spotted. Didn't see the ones earlier, you must be an early riser.

Thanks to you too DL I was thinking about that advert with the Meerkats "no one wants to see that" .

^I swear these sad, pathetic trolls have such empty and miserable lives that they have nothing better to do but attack us every chance they get.
^

No real idea what has gone one or does go on on these types of threads sometimes.

But dont forget, there are a whole load of mentally ill people about.

I just saw it has gone.

I did not write the above post at 09,42am, my user name begins with a capital letter. I have reported the troll as i did ones which took over a whole forum this morning.which Gransnet removed.
These are very troubled people who obviously cannot get the help they require.